Prom problem

[Geriatricme]

Hi
My daughter is mega excited over her prom coming up this year. Her best friend and her have been excited for over 6 months. Prom dresses are a major element in this! The friend bought her dress and looks lovely in it. We then went and bought my daughter's dress - in the ridiculous hundreds - in the colour and style she was looking for. She loves it and was beaming. The friend has now though stated she wasn't sure about her dress - bought from a national store - and has tried on and really likes another dress. It's in exactly the same colour, neckline and fitting as my daughter's dress. My daughter is so upset. There is a history here of my daughter's friend buying clothes my daughter says she likes before my daughter can buy them. I have always said she should consider it flattery and not to worry. But this is a bit much - they would be sitting together! The friend hasn't bought it yet but may do. This has now caused upset between the girls and unfortunately us mums are too. Are we overreacting? An honest opinion really wanted here? Thank you

[Narp]

CaptainCrunch

I suspect that the same people think angst over wedding dresses and angst over prom dresses are stupid.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

This actually happened in my daughter's friendship circle and two years on the girls are still not speaking. Not sure what your daughter can do. I think it's a wired stunt for a friend to pull and I'd be encouraging my DD to distance herself.

As for costs, well DD1s dress was about £40, DD2s was about £300. Both got what they wanted, we could easily afford it, and everyone was happy.

[squidgyapple]

A member of my extended family had her prom last year - £££ spent and a lot of fuss about looking different from her friends, but actually they all - a group of about 10 of them - looked very similar.
And all looked rather chavvy / footballer's wives imo, but that's not the point, I'm sure they and their parents thought they looked lovely..

[SparklyTinselTits]

I was in a similar situation as your daughter at my high school prom. I had found my perfect dress, saved my wages from my Saturday job for months to pay for it...and then 3 weeks before the prom, a girl in my year wore the same dress to her sister's wedding, and put the photos on Facebook, so half of my year had seen her in the dress
I had a meltdown, but my mums friend is a seamstress! She changed it from being full-length, to knee length, and removed the sequins and replaced them with a different colour if your DD's friend bitch does go ahead and buy the same dress, would your daughter consider altering it so it looks slightly different, without removing the elements she loved about it??

[EponasWildDaughter]

I know you don't want to discus price OP, but i'm putting this up for anyone reading who's thinking they cant get a prom dresses have to be expensive. Some of these are gorgeous!

www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_12?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=prom%20dresses%20for%20teenagers&sprefix=prom%20dresses%2Caps%2C684&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[Mandalorian]

Aww come on ladies.........do you have teenage girls? Have you a concept of hormones, prices and the dreaded prom?

Yep, teenage DD (now 18), if by hormones you mean stropping over expensive dresses, no sorry no experience.

DD's dress £45 from China. Looked wonderful on her if I do say so myself. Many many compliments from her friends on the night. Her entire prom was done on a budget of £80 and we had change from that. DD herself couldn't justify the costs involved with it. She's a sensible girl with her head screwed on.

I've just asked if she'd have been bothered if someone else had turned up in the same dress, she replied 'not at all, and even if they had our hair/makeup/features/figures would have been different.

[Narp]

Surely you just get a nice dress? Doesn't have to be a 'prom dress'! Nice dresses are everywhere and cost as little or as much as you are prepared tp pay.

I don't get it.

[Roussette]

I would take back the £250+ dress because it is a ridiculous price to pay for a prom dress which I promise you they will never ever wear again. (Yes, I've had DDs this age and both their dresses were from TK Maxx and were under 40 quid).

If you take it back, you can then get something fab (and much cheaper) for your DD. Let's face it 16 year old girls look great because they are young and gorgeous. It might take you a while trawling around to find something but it will be worth it when your DDs friend turns up in her mega expensive dress and your DD looks just as fabulous for 10% of the price.

[Narp]

My wedding dress cost £50- mind you, so maybe I don't get it

[HPsauciness]

I also think it matter what type of dress it is. If it's a strapless black number, then there will be lots and lots of people wearing dresses which are strapless and/or black. You have to expect, when you wear a black or even white dress, someone will wear very similar and at a prom, there may be lots of women in a black dress or even the same dress. Anyone old remember the ubiquitous Laura Ashley black bodice, coloured silk skirt dress that everyone had on at my university balls? Absolutely hideous on everyone, but there were literally twenty young women in that dress at the last ball I attended.

If it is a very distinct lime green with a train, then obviously if someone else has the same dress, it looks odd and like twins.

I do think price has some bearing on this, because you are worried about losing the deposit if you change.

I would encourage your dd to talk with her friend in a reasonable nice way, if she insists she is wearing this dress, then change yours and forfeit the deposit.

I am amazed at all these people who buy dresses for £40, dresses seem to have got cheaper, not more expensive, I have had quite a few evening dresses over the years, and they were never this cheap, and I'm not even in the designer range.

[Narp]

Eponas


Those are lovely. . It's so easy for most girls to look lovely and they have no idea how lovely they are

[kaitlinktm]

OK back to the point of the thread!

I agree with a PP who suggested your daughter says something like "Please don't get a dress the same colour as, or that looks too much like, mine. It would make us look silly and it would spoil the prom - for me anyway!"

And then if the friend goes ahead and copies - your daughter knows that the friend doesn't care what she thinks.

I know it's first world problem, but it is really annoying (and a rather pathetic thing for the friend to do).

[twofingerstoGideon]

Jesus wept.

[harridan50]

Prom dresses for less than £250, Lipsy at next, Top shop do prom style dresses, Asos on line, Aspire on line or in store in the west midlands.

[amarmai]

i'd be taking that dress in the 100s back and finding a cheaper one that will still look great - and do not show to gf.

[Straycatblue]

You obviously haven't read many AIBU threads, it aint hand holding and singing kumbaya around the campfire in here.

I know you aren't looking for opinions on the cost of the dress however the amount you are prepared to spend on a 16 years old dress for what is essentially the school disco is unfortunately teaching your daughter how to react to the situation with her friend. You state you didnt mention the price, however you mentioned in your first post that it cost "in the ridiculous hundreds"

The cost of the dress is contributing to the drama your daughter is causing about her friend buying a similar dress. Yes is would be annoying for your daughter if this other girl keeps copying her , however to make such a drama of it that it is now causing arguments between you and your friend is just ridiculous.

Your daughters friend has a history of this, why then has your daughter has not wised up and either terminated the friendship or kept the details of her dress secret.

You and your daughter need to realise that whilst it is annoying, both your reactions are way over the top, and not exactly indicative of a child that is going to cope well in life if things dont always go her way in life. Teach her instead to act like and adult and problem solve the situation and also develop her confidence so she is aware that things like this don't actually matter in the grand scheme of life.

[alltouchedout]

If it matters that much to have a different dress, return it, get another, make sure dd's friend doesn't see or hear about it.

[maybebabybee]

I don't understand teenage girls. I sometimes can't believe I used to be one

[balletgirlmum]

This is a prom dress/wedding shop owned by a friend of a friend.

Prices range from £50 up to £295 & there are some lovely dresses.

Absolutly no need to spend £250 plus.

[balletgirlmum]

the-bridal-lounge.co.uk/prom-dresses.htm

[CaptainCrunch]

Fair play Narp. I think my wedding dress cost £30, my mum made it, I am a gimmer though.

[Katenka]

Contrast this with the state people get into on wedding threads over who's wearing what.

the OP would have had a point if her dd was getting married and her friend wanted to wear the same wedding dress to the reception.

It's prom, it's not a wedding. It's not the dds event. It's for everyone.

[CaptainCrunch]

Nah, I think the angst over weddings is equally daft, but if it matters to the op, it matters.

[Roussette]

this dress is beautiful! £21.99 and comes in my size too!

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

Teens know exactly why they want how they want to look and spend hours hunting it down like a prized possession - they don't just pop to t k maxx and hope to pick one up! DD13 is keeping an eye on the school prom dresses now to see what looks fab!!

The price isn't the issue - it's having her dream dress pinched from under her nose by a FRIEND