to not understand people getting upset over people they don't know?

[FarterChristmoose]

Good friend, bowie fan, started crying when she heard he died,says she will miss him so much. Eh? She never met him, never even saw him at a concert. Facebook shows she's not alone in her, erm ,grief.

Since when has "Getting upset" meant sobbing?

The OP thinks no one should be upset over someone they have never met.

I didn't cry but the thing which brought me up short was the fact that Bowie never seemed to age. He just morphed into another character. That won't happen any longer. It's sad.

I didn't really get the Diana thing. I felt sad for her boys, but her death didn't affect me personally.

I felt odd yesterday though. My first experience of David Bowie, other than on the radio, was when I took my dad's LPs into my bedroom to play on my new portable record player. In the pile were Aladdin Sane and Hunky Dory. I was 11 and thought it was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

I remember telling my friend, who said she didn't like him, he gave her the creeps. She was a Status Quo fan .

I picked up a couple more LP's during my teens, then suddenly had access to the full collection when I met my first boyfriend. He was three years older than me and a huge Bowie fan. A lot of 'memorable moments' happened to Bowie soundtracks...

I'm almost 50 now... he's been a big part of my upbringing, emotionally.

I did cry last night, after opening a message from my son, who had gone to Brixton and taken photos. I love that he loves the music of David Bowie too.

Draylon - it doesn't harden my heart either, it just puts it into perspective.

My dsis died very young after a terrible illness. When my grannies later died of old age, I didn't feel sad, I was glad they had long and healthy lives.

Bowie, of course, died prematurely of a terrible illness. I am sad about that, of course, but I don't know him personally (although I did meet him once) so I didn't feel a sense of loss.

You can't measure or judge grief as it is so personal. When Diana died, I was very shocked and sad. The mass hysteria, however, was something I struggled with as I felt it was OTT.

I think Bowie will be remembered long after Diana is forgotten. Next year, it will the 20th anniversary of her death - I admit, that makes me a little sad.

Woodheaven I'm really not sure why you're singling me out here, but anyway.

FTR I did actually type out a response earlier but ended up scrapping it. I'm not obliged to explain or justify my feelings on an internet forum. As I said I have personal experience of this and tbh the bafflement and sometimes ridicule from the people who don't understand has led me to the stance of just shrugging it off because there really is no point. It's a bit similar to experiences of ADC/spirit contact (had plenty of this myself over recent years). Trying to explain or convince people who have no experience of it themselves is being on a hiding to nothing, I've found. I get that way that I cba discussing that because to some people's minds I will always be deluded/bullshitting etc, and will never be able to "prove" ones experiences to their satisfaction, so I don't even bother attempting, and equally don't get worked up over the scepticism, or I'd go mad with frustration. Perhaps that isn't the best parallel to use but it's what came to mind.

I think I am moved by things - I love art, music. Films and books do move me to tears and some stay with me for years - although I don't feel I 'know' their creator, only the work.

As a PP said the music hasn't died - but the man who made it, and although I find that sad. I don't find that it moves me to tears. Obviously it does move other people but I don't entirely understand it.

The other thing I don't get is hero worship, I can not live someone I've never met or been in close communication with - I don't think it's the same but I think there's some overlap.

My older 11-year-old cried last night. It wasn't because a "celebrity" (and anyone who thinks of Bowie in those terms is so far away from 'getting it' that it really does seem pointless starting to explain) had died. It was because he was suddenly, sharply, powerfully made aware of his own mortality, through having others explain their grief and sadness around him.

I cried. Because my partner wrote something that was so moving and truthful about his reaction that I couldn't not.

Some people cried because they'd listened to Blackstar, and hadn't known.

I 'get' people who didn't cry. I 'get' people who think it was sad, in the abstract sense, but weren't personally upset. I 'get' people who are bemused by the whole thing.

I don't 'get' people who think it's clever or cool to sneer at others' emotions and tell them they should feel differently from how they do.

And the music has died. Bowie wasn't trading on an ancient body of work; he was creating right up until cancer called time.

I don't think anyone should have to explain themselves in regards to why something has touched them.

If it's a celebrity it may be their music/acting etc got them through a very tough part of their life and therefore their death means they no longer are alive in their eyes, so they can't go to see them/have the hope of ever meeting them.

If it's a random stranger it's genuine human compassion. I cry at little children dying in another country, or when a bomb goes off because it could be someone we knew and it also means that someone has suffered and that makes me incredibly sad.

I've been a Bowie fan since 1972 when I was 12.
His music has been part of my life for over 40 years. I was devastated yesterday because I have so many memories of him and his music . I will be upset when Leonard Cohen dies but he's in his eighties.
Didn't cry when Diana died...she had no impact on my life at all.

Although I'm not a fan of hers (as she's more of a copier than an innovator) I think when Madonna dies her fans will have a similar reaction.

I don't think anyone should have to explain themselves in regards to why something has touched them.

Exactly. There would be no point, if they don't understand they don't understand.

In some cases it's empathy. I cried a bit when Diana died, but it was all for her boys who had lost their mum because my cousins very recently had done likewise.

In some cases it's too close to home - Dunblane and the Bataclan both made me cry because my son was the same age as the children, and now goes to gigs a lot.

With DB, it's partly a personal loss - he was an important part of growing up and in many ways shaped my musical tastes. But mostly it's staring one's own mortality in the face. The end of someone who seemed immortal.

Hear hear multivac

It's the thought of all that energy and talent dwindling away and dying which is so hard to contemplate. It will of course happen to us all which I'm sure is why amongst other reasons it is upsetting.

He just lived life absolutely to the full, it seems almost ridiculous that the power has run out..

Perhaps his music brought her comfort . It may have got her through some difficult times.
I didn't know James Bulger but I still cry my eyes out over his tragic death, well murder.

I like the way people saying they were saddened and perhaps shed a few tears are being described as grieving hugely and sobbing uncontrollably. ok.

only lovers yes I do know for a fact that people making a fuss over his death aren't remotely sensitive about other things. I'm going through hell right now, and my facebook is full or people going on about how sad they are etc - but there is not one person I can talk to or be open with or who gives a flying fuck about what i'm going through - I have to pretend to be fine and hide away cos I can't.

Plus, aside from my personal experience, these people just dont seem to care about mentally ill people, homelessness, etc etc. if they did people suffering wouldn't be sidelined the way they are.

I always get upset when I hear about a child dying, even when I don't know them from Adam.

Vicarious grief and bereavement is an odd feature of modern life.

It's easy to understand why people may be saddened by the passing of someone they admire, or someone whose work gave them enjoyment. Empathy for the deceased person's family is also understandable.

Public displays of inconsolable grief about the death of a person one had never even met and did not know let alone had any form of personal relationship with, however, is very odd behaviour indeed.

Strange things, people....

Nothing public about my sadness over Bowie

'Vicarious grief and bereavement is an odd feature of modern life.'

I don't think so. It's just more visible.

In 1926 100,000 people lined the streets of NYC to pay their last respects to Rudolf Valentino. There was a riot as people tried to get into the funeral home to see his body, and there were reports of fans committing suicide. 100 mounted police had to come to the scene to calm things down.

Sorry - meant to add, I do understand why some people feel a sense of grief about this. I felt it when Terry Pratchett died because the world he created in his books was like a familiar friend.

It's just that the sheer volume of grief in no way relates to the general sensitivity or empathy of the population at large!

Mitzy, I came on to say the same thing (well, not the detail about Valentino –I didn't know that!).

It's very easy to say 'things are different now' but they're not, really. How about Eva Peron's funeral? The Victorian fetishisation of death and its paraphernalia?

element, I'd like to see the algorithm that proves your statement about the population at large.

the thing which brought me up short was the fact that Bowie never seemed to age. He just morphed into another character

I saw him referred to as an old man on another thread and it puzzles me for second because he wasn't old. I know he was 69 but Bowie wasn't old. He just changed. So someone like that who you assume will always keep on changing and creating is suddenly gone. They have ended and if they can suddenly end then so can we. If he's remembered as the one who was on the bedroom wall when you were a teen or the singer of the first song you heard that meant something then he's been a part of your life at some point and his death is confirmation that you're getting older.

That aside, someone you knew bits about, you saw and heard of fairly regularly, has died too soon. That's sad and some people feel sadness and loss more than others.

I don't know when not having empathy became a badge of honour but it seems to be becoming more prevalent in society. The whole 'man up' thing pisses me right off. Feel stuff, it'll do you good.