to not understand people getting upset over people they don't know?

[FarterChristmoose]

Good friend, bowie fan, started crying when she heard he died,says she will miss him so much. Eh? She never met him, never even saw him at a concert. Facebook shows she's not alone in her, erm ,grief.

[Jasonandyawegunorts]

Pat Morita, has had on average a movie a year since his death in 2005....

[Jasonandyawegunorts]

And explain how it works with artists like Jimi Hendrix how have 40 years of stuff released after death?

Or Michael Jackson, far more active since he's been dead.

[Jasonandyawegunorts]

It is more selfish and relates to how sad you are that the person won't produce any more music books etc for you to appreciate.

Then explain how people hurt for artists who are long since retired.

I was very sad when Bob Hoskins died.

[2rebecca]

I don't think getting upset at the death of famous people concerns empathy. It is more selfish and relates to how sad you are that the person won't produce any more music books etc for you to appreciate.
Pretending it's because you are more compassionate than everyone else is delusional.
I was sad when John Peel died. It was more about me missing his shows though than concern for his family who were just more people I vdidnt know.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

And I think empathy is directly related to situations you can relate to. For example, If you have children you are probably more likely to be upset by a tragedy that involves a child being hurt.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

wagglebees I don't know that lack of empathy is a badge of honour. I only feel empathy for friends (and I'm soft as shit about animals) but most of the time I feel nothing at all. That is something beyond my control.

I don't see that as a negative thing. I don't prevent myself from 'feeling stuff' I genuinely don't care.

When Princess Diana died I was amazed at how upset people were - I didn't know her, I wasn't a fan and therefore her death was just something that happened. I'm genuinely sad that Bowie died as he was an incredible talent and I am a fan of his music.

Some people are just harder or softer hearted than others. I wouldn't judge the people who genuinely get upset but I certainly don't understand them.

[OnlyLovers]

element, with respect, if you're going through hell and are becoming upset by comments on here, perhaps stay off the thread for a while?

'picking at you' is, by another name, 'responding to your posts' and is perfectly legitimate.

Hiho, I don't really understand the notion that if situation A happens, it's not OK to be sad at situation B as well. Of course losing a child is more horrific than someone who had had a pretty 'good innings'; but that doesn't mean people can't be sad about Bowie as well as at more premature or 'unnatural' deaths too.

[Hihohoho1]

He was 69 and had a great life so no can't be sad. Feel for his family and pehaps he was a little too young but borderline.

Mumsnetters in here have lost children. Now that's sad as it's unfair and not the order of things.

My dm is 85 and has altzimers. Frankly I wish she had gone 5 years ago while still continent and knowing us.

[elementofsurprise]

wagglebees I don't know when not having empathy became a badge of honour but it seems to be becoming more prevalent in society. The whole 'man up' thing pisses me right off. Feel stuff, it'll do you good.

I'd agree with your sentiment in general, but I don't think the way people are sad at Bowie's death is emapthy in most cases. It's being sad because they feel they've lost someone.
Empathy is about caring about another's predicament, which as I've pointed out people just don't do in the same way at all - if they did the world would be a much happier place.

[elementofsurprise]

onlylovers If the population at large were as sensitive about the groups I mentioned, eg those with mental health issues, they wouldn't be othered the way they are and would be properly cared for.

I am going through hell, clearly you dont even have enough empathy to realise that and stop picking at me.

[Outfoxed]

I'm not normally a fan of displays of emotion, but I totally get it. I wept like a child when Terry Pratchett died, because he is the reason I love to read and my love of reading is such a big part of who I am. I think most people will have someone who they don't actually know but who played a part in shaping them.

[Twinklefuck]

Well I'm very sad. My dreams of being taken far away by the goblin king are well and truly dead

I'll have to settle for hoggle now.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

As I said on the other thread, I cried when Freddie Mercury died and when Brian Redhead died. Freddie Mercury because his music was the soundtrack to my life, and Brian Redhead because he'd spoken to me every morning for years and he was like a grandad.

[Wagglebees]

the thing which brought me up short was the fact that Bowie never seemed to age. He just morphed into another character

I saw him referred to as an old man on another thread and it puzzles me for second because he wasn't old. I know he was 69 but Bowie wasn't old. He just changed. So someone like that who you assume will always keep on changing and creating is suddenly gone. They have ended and if they can suddenly end then so can we. If he's remembered as the one who was on the bedroom wall when you were a teen or the singer of the first song you heard that meant something then he's been a part of your life at some point and his death is confirmation that you're getting older.

That aside, someone you knew bits about, you saw and heard of fairly regularly, has died too soon. That's sad and some people feel sadness and loss more than others.

I don't know when not having empathy became a badge of honour but it seems to be becoming more prevalent in society. The whole 'man up' thing pisses me right off. Feel stuff, it'll do you good.

[OnlyLovers]

Mitzy, I came on to say the same thing (well, not the detail about Valentino –I didn't know that!).

It's very easy to say 'things are different now' but they're not, really. How about Eva Peron's funeral? The Victorian fetishisation of death and its paraphernalia?

element, I'd like to see the algorithm that proves your statement about the population at large.

[elementofsurprise]

Sorry - meant to add, I do understand why some people feel a sense of grief about this. I felt it when Terry Pratchett died because the world he created in his books was like a familiar friend.

It's just that the sheer volume of grief in no way relates to the general sensitivity or empathy of the population at large!

[MitzyLeFrouf]

'Vicarious grief and bereavement is an odd feature of modern life.'

I don't think so. It's just more visible.


In 1926 100,000 people lined the streets of NYC to pay their last respects to Rudolf Valentino. There was a riot as people tried to get into the funeral home to see his body, and there were reports of fans committing suicide. 100 mounted police had to come to the scene to calm things down.

[snowfallisbeautiful]

Nothing public about my sadness over Bowie

[BonnieF]

Vicarious grief and bereavement is an odd feature of modern life.

It's easy to understand why people may be saddened by the passing of someone they admire, or someone whose work gave them enjoyment. Empathy for the deceased person's family is also understandable.

Public displays of inconsolable grief about the death of a person one had never even met and did not know let alone had any form of personal relationship with, however, is very odd behaviour indeed.

Strange things, people....

[Allthatnonsense]

I always get upset when I hear about a child dying, even when I don't know them from Adam.

[elementofsurprise]

only lovers yes I do know for a fact that people making a fuss over his death aren't remotely sensitive about other things. I'm going through hell right now, and my facebook is full or people going on about how sad they are etc - but there is not one person I can talk to or be open with or who gives a flying fuck about what i'm going through - I have to pretend to be fine and hide away cos I can't.
Plus, aside from my personal experience, these people just dont seem to care about mentally ill people, homelessness, etc etc. if they did people suffering wouldn't be sidelined the way they are.

[Bambambini]

I like the way people saying they were saddened and perhaps shed a few tears are being described as grieving hugely and sobbing uncontrollably. ok.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Perhaps his music brought her comfort . It may have got her through some difficult times.
I didn't know James Bulger but I still cry my eyes out over his tragic death, well murder.

[snowfallisbeautiful]

It's the thought of all that energy and talent dwindling away and dying which is so hard to contemplate. It will of course happen to us all which I'm sure is why amongst other reasons it is upsetting.

He just lived life absolutely to the full, it seems almost ridiculous that the power has run out..

[Narp]

Hear hear multivac