To not move on the train?

[TheCatsMeow]

I was on a very busy packed train with my friend and DS. DS was in a sling, we had the buggy and I was feeding him. We were standing by the doors (no one offered us seats!) trying to feed a screaming baby, penned in by others standing. There was no where we could go.

People tried to push past us to get out the doors and nearly sent DS flying. I firmly asked if they could use one of the other doors and I literally couldn't go anywhere. Cue mutterings and dirty looks!

We couldn't collapse the pram there wasn't room to do and as no one had offered a seat we couldn't move anywhere! WIBU to ask them to use another door?

[GruntledOne]

Also how am I supposed to carry a buggy, a baby in a sling, a pram bag, my own bags and feed a baby at the same time?

Maybe think a bit about how much stuff you really need to take before you get on a crowded train?

I suspect the reason you weren't offered a seat is the fact that you had a buggy - people reckoned that you didn't need to carry the baby so were essentially no different from any other traveller.

[OooohHorlicks]

Then people weren't just angry at you, they were angry at the collective you blocking the doors. And your pram. But what I suspect sent them over the edge was you assuming martyr status and demanding everyone adapt around you.

A better response might have been to point at the offenders closest to the doors and say "i'm sorry I can't move anywhere, I'm stuck!" Or cry. (Is sometimes worth a try)

[Jux]

Why didn't you fold the buggy before you got on?

Why couldn't you move out of the way leaving your buggy and bags with your friend?

What time did you get on the train?

[Veterinari]

OP: AIBU?

Everyone: yes, having a child doesn't mean that you get to inconvenience everyone else by blocking doors/not folding your buggy/having lots of bags

Op: no I'm NBU

Seriously why bother asking if you don't plan to listen anyway?

[DangerMouth]

Is this thread for real? Of course YABU. I would have given you what for if l couldn't get off at my stop because you wouldn't move. And l have 2 dc. When you get on a train at peak hour expect it to be rammed, and full of rude people this includes you and have a mental backup plan of what you'll do i.e. get off each stop to allow others off, then get back on.

[HTKB]

What if there had been another person who'd had the audacity to have a child blocking the other door? I know it's incredibly rare to have a child, and very few of these special blessed mothers walk amongst us, but there could have been someone at the other end who felt they couldn't move. How many carriages do these people have to walk through?

[TamaraLamara]

This is one of those golden AIBUs

OP: AIBU?
The entire world: Yes, massively.
OP: [stamps foot] It's NOT FAIR! All because I had the audacity to have a baby!!!!!!!!!!!

[FattieDoc]

? Seriously, you probably already know you were being very unreasonable!!!

1. Fold your buggy BEFORE getting on the train.
   
2. DON'T get on the train if it's busy and don't want to get squashed with people actually trying to get to work
   
3. The world does not revolve around your needs!
   

😏

[Bounced]

OP You managed it wrong this time. No biggie. Try not to be defensive and manage it differently next time - that's what this parenting thing is about.

PS Minimising your nappy etc kit and having it in a soft messenger style bag works best with a sling, ime. Also, I've never seen commuters move away faster than when I swung dd2 on to my back on a moving tube - terrified them! I'd done it zillions of times before and was holding her and the sling so she couldn't fall.

[thelittleredhen]

You either: a) leave pram on platform, carry bags on or b) leave bags on platform, carry pram on - and then get off the train and retrieve the item(s) that you left on the platform and bring them onto the train.

If someone is with you, you give them the item that you would otherwise have left on the platform to carry on the train.

Once on the train, you stow away luggage in as safe a place as you can find and then take DC with you to see if there are any seats. With a friend with you, this is much easier as you can leave them with your luggage and then give them a ring when you find a seat, or stay with your luggage while they go on the hunt for seats.

If you cannot manage a buggy, baby, pram bag and shopping bags on a train, even with a friend with you who is able to help, then I suggest that you stop using trains and it obviously isn't working for you.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

ah sorry, they should have offered a seat-0 and |YOU should have collapsed buggy

[AskingForAPal]

"I suspect the reason you weren't offered a seat is the fact that you had a buggy - people reckoned that you didn't need to carry the baby so were essentially no different from any other traveller."

I expect actually it was either that people didn't notice (because in this set up people couldn't see you in the end-of-carriage-crowd, as you said), or because usually parents want to remain with their buggies. People may also have thought there was another child in it (your friend's baby perhaps).

Anyway, it does sound very stressful but I'm afraid YABU and a bit melodramatic. It's just a few bags. Can I ask what your friend was doing? Did she at least try to get out of the way? Or was she staring at her phone/out the window and ignoring your poor stressed fellow commuters who are only worried about missing their stop?

[GruntledOne]

There were people in front of me so I couldn't just get off at each stop.

This is a situation which happens every day during the rush hour. When people see that someone is trying to get off, they move out of the way and if necessary get off the train to make space. That is undoubtedly what would have happened in this case if the lady with the buggy hadn't refused to move and made everyone walk down the carriage. That in turn will have meant that the carriage will have emptied more slowly because twice as many people as usual were getting out of the other door, and then there would been a further wait whilst the passengers who had been standing at that door re-boarded. So the train was probably held up due to OP. Think about it.

[kungfupannda]

People with kids are viewed as an inconvenience and it's sad.

Only when they're being an inconvenience! You can't demand that people avoid using a train door because you have a lot of stuff with you. You could easily make people miss their stop.

It's not as though you were even on your own. Why didn't your friend deal with the buggy/some of the bags? I abandoned any idea of using a buggy within the first couple of weeks of life with DS1. We just used a sling full-time and it made public transport so much easier and more pleasant than struggling with a pram and getting in everyone else's way. My friend with a baby the same age did use a pram, but she also took a sling and folded the buggy while waiting for the bus or train. We never had any problems on public transport as a result, whereas we often saw rows involving attempts to get unfolded prams onto buses, or people getting stressed and upset when they couldn't get on during busy times.

Generally, if you make life easy on yourself, you're probably making it easier on everyone around you as well.

[ghostspirit]

i got to go on a train later on way back it will be rush hour. i will have my baby and 2 kids with me. i will take baby in sling. stick a bottle and and a nappy and packet on wipes in my 5 year olds rucksack. and that will be it. the less you can get away with taking the better.

i do think its unreasonable to ask people to use the others doors as they could miss their stop.

the friend does not sound helpful at all.

[SasherinSuite]

If the aisles were clear why didn't you stand there instead of by a crowded doorway? You might have had a better chance of someone offering you a seat as well.

[53rdAndBird]

You collapse buggy before getting on, if it's a busy train. Or you ask people to move so you/friend can fold it down on train.

I sympathise about being crammed onto a crowded train with hungry heavy baby in sling and feeling like you're getting in people's way. It's not fun for anyone. But if you ask people to go down the carriage to another door, they could very easily miss their stop.

[TamaraLamara]

I'd still like to know how the available space on the train failed to increase as people got off?

[VegetablEsoup]

yabu
fold buggy before getting on the train.
don't take so mich stuff with you that makes it difficult
ask for a seat and you will get one

[lorelei9]

Sasher, that confused me too!

re the train not emptying - well it could have been only 3 people trying to get off at OP's door.

[kungfupannda]

Also, I've never seen commuters move away faster than when I swung dd2 on to my back on a moving tube - terrified them!

Oh yes, the 'OMG THERE'S A BABY ON YOUR BACK' reaction. I had to master the art of fending off clutching hands while putting DS1 up. People clearly thought I'd just come up with some completely random idea and decided to try tying my baby to my back with some piece of scrap fabric, on a moving train, having never tried it before. When DS2 came along, DS1 took to fixing people with a hard stare and saying 'mummy can do it.'

[AlisonWunderland]

I would be really annoyed if I squeezed to the nearest door only to be told to go back and use another door , and ended up getting stuck on train becuase the doors closed before I had a chance to get off.

1. you had a friend with you who could have helped
   
2. you had a mouth on you which you could have used to demand ask for a seat

[Firstmum24]

If i were seated on the train and seen a mother struggling to feed her child standing up first of all I would have offered my seat, or asked a nearby passenger if they would mind (if you don't ask you don't get!) i would probably of helped fold the buggy too, ask if i could do it for you or help you with the bags or baby to do so. theres nothing worse knowing that you are being a hindrance but not being able to do anything about it. I once created absolute havoc in a SPAR shop and KINDLY a lady gave up her space in the queue to help me, another mum, out stating 'i've been there before'

So OP - circumstances were obviously rubbish (perhaps you were in a rush and didn't have time to fold the buggy, perhaps you had to do your big shop all in one day and board the train because you don't drive, perhaps your DS is a complete nightmare and would scream the carriage off the tracks had you attempted to bend over to lift bags or fold the buggy) but really someone could have stepped in to give you a hand and make a bit more room for yourself and DS.
If all else fails, you were just trying to keep your DS safe and anyone is kidding themselves that they wouldn't of asked people to use another door or indeed, offered a profanity for nearly sending their LO flying.
I'm shocked by some of the responses on here, you would think you'd never had to run for a train before or juggle a screaming baby with high volume traffic.

[SheHasAWildHeart]

Also when travelling with children I always try to time it so that we aren't travelling during busy periods.

[TamaraLamara]

but really someone could have stepped in to give you a hand and make a bit more room for yourself and DS

If only she'd had a friend there to help her