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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To not move on the train?

1004 replies

TheCatsMeow · 12/01/2016 12:30

I was on a very busy packed train with my friend and DS. DS was in a sling, we had the buggy and I was feeding him. We were standing by the doors (no one offered us seats!) trying to feed a screaming baby, penned in by others standing. There was no where we could go.

People tried to push past us to get out the doors and nearly sent DS flying. I firmly asked if they could use one of the other doors and I literally couldn't go anywhere. Cue mutterings and dirty looks!

We couldn't collapse the pram there wasn't room to do and as no one had offered a seat we couldn't move anywhere! WIBU to ask them to use another door?

OP posts:
lorelei9 · 12/01/2016 18:12

Grey "The again, you sound a bit disconnected from real life, things like rush hour seem to baffle you. Maybe there's something we're missing here?"

I wondered that too - especially if OP is a teenager and hasn't used trains much?

kungfupannda · 12/01/2016 18:13

You can't have absolutely everything your way, OP. Not if you want to co-exist with a lot of other people without them getting angry and impatient with you.

You want to:

  1. Travel whenever you like
  2. Travel with large quantities of stuff
  3. Not have to wait for the next train
  4. Not have to move
  5. Not be pushed past
  6. Not have to fold your buggy
  7. Not have your clumsy friend have to mess around with bags/buggy
  8. Not have people be rude to you

That's quite a lot of things that can potentially not work out the way you want, which inevitably leads to stress all round. Travelling with a baby can be tricky. It's certainly not as easy as travelling without children. So you have to apply some basic common sense to the situation and not just plough on regardless on the basis that it's your right to do so.

Due to complicated house buying/relocation/work issues I once spent a few months commuting across London between 2 and 4 days a week. I had a walk/tube/train/bus commute to drop DS1 off, followed by another bus journey to work, and then the same in reverse. DS1 was around 18 months to 2 at the time, and I was pregnant for a fair chunk of it. The journey was planned with military precision.

DS1 went in a comfortable, adjustable sling on my back and everything else I needed went in a small hand-luggage size wheely case. We worked out which carriages were the quietest and used those, even if they were further from the exits. We didn't try to get a seat on the short tube and bus journeys, and if the train was busy I put my case against the wall and sat DS1 on it. When we got off the train I moved out of the stream of commuters before trying to retie the sling, and we waited until the crush had eased before heading up the stairs. I didn't carry anything that wasn't absolutely necessary, and I always left more time than we needed so we didn't have to squeeze onto over-full tubes. We never had a problem and everyone was nice to us.

I could, of course, have attempted the same journey with a buggy and gone shopping at lunchtime, resulting in piles of bags, and then insisted that everyone else accommodate us, no matter what. I very much doubt we would have had anything like as stress-free a journey.

Rush hour transport is full of people who don't really want to be there but have no choice. Someone clearly travelling by choice (obvious from shopping bags/child etc) is highly unlikely to elicit much sympathy, particularly if they then cause an obstruction and demand that everyone else changes the normal way of doing things to accommodate them. Insisting on the right to make no concessions/adaptations to your own life or plans very rarely leads to anything other than stress and conflict. Recognising the difficulties and tweaking your plans can make a huge difference to how smoothly your day, and that of everyone else around you, goes.

Sunnybitch · 12/01/2016 18:14

lorelei9
Grin bet nobody saw that coming!

53rdAndBird · 12/01/2016 18:14

Oh, you Londoners with your brakes on prams. Nobody uses brakes where I live. Like luggage racks - we all just stand around staring at them in bafflement, wondering if they are some kind of strange shrine.

SuburbanRhonda · 12/01/2016 18:15

The again, you sound a bit disconnected from real life, things like rush hour seem to baffle you.

That, and the surprise arrival of a train at the train station Smile

PaulAnkaTheDog · 12/01/2016 18:15

lorelei tbh, I don't know any teenagers who would be this self centred.

Sunnybitch · 12/01/2016 18:16

Bloody hell kung that would take me a freaking week to type took five minutes to write this

lilone1234 · 12/01/2016 18:17

Lucky girl - I have also spent plenty of time commuting and would have considered myself also a commuter with no soul. I did not mean for it to be taken so deadly serious but rather as tongue in cheek, but as you yourself say, commuting can be very unpleasant and does put people in a grumpy zombie like state. You are lucky to have experienced so many kind commuters. I would not say this is the norm unfortunately. As I said, commuting can make people very nasty.

kungfupannda · 12/01/2016 18:18

[flexes wrists] 80 words per minute typing speed when I used to temp.

Comes in handy these days when faced with massive unreasonableness on MN Grin

And OP, if you'd expected me to climb over your buggy with my child and wheely case, you'd probably have found your buggy on its side and your bag contents all over the floor. I'm clumsy too...

AmenGirl · 12/01/2016 18:19

Get a car, christ.

lorelei9 · 12/01/2016 18:20

Paul, no, neither do I. I was just trying to think what might account for being surprised by rush hour and being amazed that people don't bow to buggies and a very very young parent was the only thing I could think of.

also with the lack of planning and "I never came across this before" - planning seems crucial to this type of thing - even looking up step free access etc to make a journey easier as they can be such a mare.

Sunnybitch · 12/01/2016 18:20

kung Shock
it's usually on the next page by the time I reply...

RonniePickering · 12/01/2016 18:21

Agog at this thread!

Come on OP, you must realise after the resounding 'YABU!!!' that you are indeed being unreasonable?

I'm afraid I'd have told you where to go after finishing a 10 hour shift to be told by you to use the other door!

As a matter of courtesy you should fold your pram before getting on public transport, you wouldn't attempt it in a taxi, would you?

kungfupannda · 12/01/2016 18:22

I also type faster the more irate I get. I can rattle off a 6 page letter of complaint quicker than I can send a friendly text saying 'fancy coffee?' Grin

LilacSpunkMonkey · 12/01/2016 18:23

Going on recent, long-running, left-to-it threads, I wouldn't be at all surprised to see this one go to over 1000 posts then a TAAT where this OP turns up and announces it was a reverse and she's actually the train itself posting about a twat of a woman with a baby (sorry, The Baby of All Babies!), a buggy, a 'friend' and loads of shopping who wouldn't let anyone get past her.

bessiebumptious2 · 12/01/2016 18:24

Unfortunately the world is full of extremely and deliberately obtuse and entitled people. We'd better all get used to it because it's only going to get worse.

I can't bear selfishness of this nature and the excuses being tripped out are really quite pathetic. Unfortunately little 'audacity' will be brought up the same way, with a sense of entitlement and ignorance.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 12/01/2016 18:24

Think lorelei is right, actually. OP being very young would account for a lack of understanding about rush hour and commuters and the 'if you touch my pram I'll slap you' bit

goodnightdarthvader1 · 12/01/2016 18:24

Lilac Grin

Sunnybitch · 12/01/2016 18:24

kung remind me never to get on your bad side! Really wouldn't want an irate pm off you Wink

handslikecowstits · 12/01/2016 18:24

LilacSpunkMonkey

Yep. Last night's stepmother one was a cracker.

kali110 · 12/01/2016 18:25

And yet I'm considerate of others with extra needs on trains and in general. Yet no one can do it for me because of the poor commuters. Right.

Again how do you know who has extra needs??
Do you have magical powers?

You say you are considerate yet you'd leave your pushchair lying round Grin my god. So people with extra needs have to climb over your crap?

It maybe ok and nothing if you miss a train, if i miss where i am going (it's usually a hospital appointment)
It's serious, has the potential to leave me dead.
Other people maybe going to work, employers are kind of strict on punctuality, when you're late they like to dock wages even fire you.

Some of these 'rude people' who are parents simply trying to get home to their own children or family.

miaowmix · 12/01/2016 18:26

Rhonda yes, that was noted Smile. Baffling.

Not that I want to do a disservice to teenagers. When I was one I regularly got trains, even across Europe. On my own. But I am a London twat to be fair Wink.

hedgehogsdontbite · 12/01/2016 18:26

You were not only being unreasonable you were also breaking the law. It is an offence to block a train door. Carries a £500 fine if I remember correctly.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 12/01/2016 18:27

Actually, thinking about it, the OP started this thread at 12.30 this afternoon. She last posted at 6ish, and has been posting throughout the day on it.

5 and a half hours on one thread?

Who'should looking after The Baby King?

I call bullshit!

ingeniousidiot · 12/01/2016 18:29

You
Were
Being
Unreasonable

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