To expect EXDH to pick up and drop off my son from my house

[TwoTooManyKidz]

Ex DH keeps arguing with me about my DS(13) saying I should drop him off at EXDH's house and he should drop him back at my house.

Apparently this is really unreasonable. Aibu?

Well its fair isnt it? Splitting the journey. Why wont you?

Well that's not exactly enough to go on. No one can make a judgment with what you've said.

Depends on a lot of factors.

If you both drive and it's a reasonable distance it would work.

But if ex decided or you decided to move a considerable distance the one who moved so do all the pick up and drop off.

For me it depends on why you're not together.

Is there a reason he has to do all the travel?

Also, is there a reason the 13 yo can't get a bus? (I appreciate that there well might be!)

Well, as a rule I drop DS off at his dad's house.

His dad brings him back here.

Seems to have worked for us for a good number of years.

Sometimes one of us can't do the our share of the journey so then we make other arrangements.

How far is it and who moved away?

Based on what you've posted so far it sounds entirely reasonable.

From experience it does work better if the child is getting delivered to the other parent's house- rather than getting picked up.

If getting picked up then it's up to the other parent to ensure the DC is ready on time. Then if the parent picking up is late or early it gets awkward and rushed.

i don't drop mine off there or pick them up from his. cirumstances i guess. plus it's still relatively early days (less than 6 months) since he moved out so i'm not ready (emotionally) to see where he lives.

Seems fair, it doesnt matter the reason for the split travel should be shared.

The only exception being where one party moved some distance after the split and therefore should do the travelling.

Sounds fair to me, why does he have to do all the travelling?

Impossible to say if YABU or not from the info in your OP

His request does sound reasonable though assuming you both drive

How far is it and who moved?

Why is it you object?

If your ex has moved hundreds of miles away from his son, then he is being unreasonable. If he's a few miles away, 50/50 driving seems reasonable. The visits are for your son, so you're helping him, not your ex.

it is generally better for the child if the person they are with takes them physically to the next person, so you take him to your ex DH, and ex DH brings him back.

I disagree with it been better for the child. My ex collects and drops DS off no issues at all with my DS.

Splitting the travel sounds fair. If the distance is the problem could you meet halfway?

What's the bet no matter what we post you will suddenly actually drip feed some context, explain the situation so people can actually answer ffs.

My dsd lives an hour away. We used to go collect and return every weekend (13 years ago) but we started meeting half way and it works fine for us. Our own DCs think Dsd lives at the pub ;0)

Fairs fair

I always thought it was the responsibility of the non-resident parent to collect tge child for access and return them.

There are too many variables in each situation to have a one size fits all answer.