To expect EXDH to pick up and drop off my son from my house

[TwoTooManyKidz]

Ex DH keeps arguing with me about my DS(13) saying I should drop him off at EXDH's house and he should drop him back at my house.

Apparently this is really unreasonable. Aibu?

[MsColouring]

I prefer it to be whichever one of us has the kids takes them to the other as then the they aren't hanging around waiting for the other parent to turn up.

Seems a bit of backwards thinking that the NRP should do all the running around.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Why teacake? Not all custody agreements/ contact agreements are identical.

[operaha]

My ex does all picking up and dropping back. He moved away and I have serious anxiety issues driving on dual carriageway which is unavoidable. My dp does all the dropping off and picking up for his children. We live 5 mins away and his ex is the laziest person I've ever encountered so refuses to anyway

[louisaglasson]

Maybe it's because the RP does all the running around while they have care of the children Ms Colouring? Some NRPs barely manage to see their children monthly, it's not a lot to expect them to do two journeys to collect and return their children if they aren't doing anything else of the graft of parenting.

My dd would dearly love to know her Dad cares enough to make that journey, but he doesn't. She's seen me doing all the journeys because I want to foster her relationship with her Dad, but all it's done really is shown her that her Dad isn't bothered. She's old enough now to comment that she thinks it's unfair. It's affected their relationship, and he only has himself to blame for that.

[3perfectweemen]

Even if ex doesn't pay child maintenance, should travel be split?

[TwoTooManyKidz]

Sorry, I forgot to say that I don't drive as I just can't afford the insurance rates and silly things like that, I could get the bus bus it's rediculous because there are two buses there, first takes 30minutes and the other takes about 80 minutes, and the second bus only ever comes every hour and less on Sunday. Not only that, it costs £10.50 for a adult return on the second bus and £2.40 on the first bus.

Sorry x we only split up because we just didn't love each other anymore and thought we'd be better with other people

[MrsTerryPratchett]

If ex doesn't pay child maintenance they should be forced to. Plenty of countries lock them up if they don't.

We don't know any of the OP's details. Ex could be 50:50 care, paying over the CSA, she moved for all we know...

[MrsTerryPratchett]

x-posted. Clearly!

[StoorieHoose]

If he is 13 can't he get the bus by himself?

[Petal02]

I always hoped DH's ex would split the lifts with DH, but she refused point blank. On the grounds that "if you want to see him, you do the lifts." She wouldn't do anything to encourage/help/facilitate the relationship between DH and their son, even though it had been her choice to end the marriage.

[RudeElf]

2 hours on the bus is a long time. How long does it take by car for his dad to get him?

Fwiw in your case i think fair enough that EXh picks him up and drops him off.

[Crispbutty]

Can your son not just get the bus on his own?

[JakeBallardswife]

How far is it in the car rather than the bus? I know you don't drive but could you offer to pay some of the petrol costs?

[TwoTooManyKidz]

I think if the bus was closer I'd let him get it himself but I don't want him stuck at bus stations or stops for an hour or two because he missed it or it broke down which seems to be happening a lot.

I could get DP to pick him up and drop him off but he's saying he won't see my son if I don't chip in and I've offered to pay for the fuel costs (which he's even told me is less than £1) and he says its still unreasonable.

This isn't fair on my son and I think he's just being really pathetic.

[MsColouring]

I just think that saying the NRP should collect and return gives the impression of the RP having all the control.

But saying that, as I am typing I am remembering the times I have driven backwards and forwards with my dc to their friends' houses on his day so that they don't miss out on seeing their friends as the father can't be bothered to sort it out.

And it would be great if ex was made to something to compensate for that fact he pays no maintenance.

[MsColouring]

And OP - if you don't drive (and presumably he got the car is the divorce settlement) then he should be doing all the drop offs.

[TwoTooManyKidz]

The ex does pay maintenance but it's £100 a month which goes v quickly especially as I am on a zero hours contract because it's the only work I could find.

I don't want this to break down my sons and his fathers relationship but I'm unsure of what to do. I asked my son would he be comfortable taking the bus on his own and he said no and I'm not very comfortable with it as it is.

[Penfold007]

Who moved away?

[D0ntLookD0wn]

I think it would be fair to say no to your ex given your circumstances.

[TwoTooManyKidz]

Itsmine, I have offered to pay EXDH for the cost of fuel which is utterly stupid as its less than £1, however he still insists it's absolutely hurrendous but I refuse to spend my weekend after a long week of school runs and work on the fakking bus. Do you have a better idea?

I rang a taxi company to see how much they would cost and they want £16.70 a turn and there is no way I am paying that.

My ex moved away, and he didn't take the car, he brought his own from his work despite only being able to pay £100 maintenance a month between 2 children.

Oh and another thing about this bus thing is that DD(11) doesn't want to know her dad in anyway and don't blame her tbf, he hates her for no apparent reason, and it's unfair to take her weekend away and for me to have to pay extra bus fare there and back two times to ferry his child around.

x