Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

DILEMMA!! Best friends wedding 2 weeks after my due date

110 replies

Luc28 · 09/01/2016 23:53

HELP!!

Due to have my baby at the end of Feb but it's my very best friends wedding mid March, she's done everything possible to help us by giving us a family room for the full weekend so we can stay over and lots of extra little bits to make it easier! Feel so torn though as I've no idea when baby will be here if she's late then is it a good idea to take her out so soon, if she's early would we manage with her at a busy venue.
I really don't want to miss my best friends special day as we've been through so much together and I would be devastated if I missed it!
Leaving the baby with my parents isn't even an option as the venues a few hours drive away from where we live so would have to stay over. I thought of just staying at the hotel the night before, attend church and the wedding breakfast then take baby back to hotel room for a quiet evening and just miss the night do .... Hubbys not convinced and thinks we should just miss it all together and stay at home 😢

Any advise/ suggestions/ thoughts greatly received as I feel in such a dilemma! .... Just don't know what to do for the best!!

OP posts:

Caterina99 · 10/01/2016 13:39

Not quite the same, but I took DS to an engagement party when he was 3 weeks old, and I had an emcs. It was about 45 min drive away and we stayed for a few hours. He slept pretty much the whole time and my friend had a room where I could go and feed him. It went ok, but I was really tired. I wouldn't have wanted to stay overnight anywhere personally, but you don't know how you'll feel!

One of my close friends didn't make it to my wedding in the end as she had her DS the day before. It was about 2 weeks after her due date. The venue needed final numbers about 3 days in advance so we knew then that she wasnt going to make it.

KERALA1 · 10/01/2016 14:30

Also weigh up whether the effort and worry is really worth it. Yes a good friend but in the grand scheme of things would your absence on the day be worth the effort and possible risk of going? Maybe yes - only you know really.

I have gone to events and been so relieved I made the effort as it meant a lot to the hosts, others where when I got there realised whether I was there or not didn't matter really. Often depends on the size/ intimacy of the event Ie whether it's a tiny wedding in a special place with just parents and close friends or a massive jolly knees up with crowds of old university friends and workmates - the latter I would be more relaxed about missing.

WildebeestH · 10/01/2016 15:36

My mum got remarried about 3 weeks after my pfb's due date. Beforehand I said that we would do everything we could to be there but that I couldn't guarantee we'd be there. He was two weeks late, I was exhausted, sore and struggling to establish breastfeeding but it would have been very difficult not to go. We travelled 200 miles by car when he was 9 days old and had to deal with distant relatives and people I didn't really know cooing over our tiny bundle and wanting to hold him. It also ate into the previous two weeks of paternity leave my DH had. I am glad I was there and I suspect I'd end up doing the same again but it really wasn't easy. I don't think it helped that my DM didn't really consider how it was for us and was very keen (maybe understandably) for the day to be all about her. I'd agree with what others have said - try to leave it open if you can and decide after your LO has arrived.

GabiSolis · 10/01/2016 16:10

I took DD to a wedding when she was two weeks old. It was a family wedding and I'd previously said to the B & G that I would have to see how I was at the time, or if they needed a definite answer then I would have to say no. They were fine with me telling them yes or no once DD was here.

As it turns out, we were fine to go. We had a room at the venue and had a lovely day.

If your friend is happy for you to delay your answer, then do that.

sellisx · 10/01/2016 17:22

I was two days late with my pfb. I was kept in for 13 days afterwards so no way would I have been going anywhere

TisIthecat · 12/01/2016 22:11

The biggest risk may be the bride being upstaged by a very small bundle of gorgeousness...

If you do go, don't try and feed in a wrap dress. The access is easy... but trying to retain any respectability with half your frock hanging off is a challenge

Blu · 12/01/2016 22:33

I was not 'bleeding heavily' a whole two weeks after giving birth, nor did I feel the need of a cloth, or a private room in which to breast feed - though it can be a little hit and miss before you and the baby are adept at feeding anytime, anywhere.

By 2 weeks after the birth of your baby you might be dying for some good company, a change of scenery and a bit of an adult natter, not solely focussed on the baby! We went away for the weekend, took DS out for dinner in the evening and on the beach during the day at 2.5 weeks.

Just don't let drunk people slobber all over your precious bundle or put their fingers in her/his mouth (WHY do people do that to babies?)

misscarlar · 13/01/2016 09:11

I haven't read all whole thread I might be repeating things.
Personally I would go but I would do some things in preparation

Plan a route with lots of stops if driving any distance
Look for an outfit now - you don't magically go down to pre pregnancy size and if you have a baby then go shopping you could have a hormonal cry and not want to go. Pretty wrap dresses are fairly adjustable and good for feeding in
Look at hiring a sling - little one doesn't get too stimulated by everyone want cuddles and will probably sleep

BrieAndChilli · 13/01/2016 09:35

Ds1 was due 16th December and so we agreed to go MIL for Xmas - 2 hours drive away so meant staying for a few days. We were excited about showin the baby off etc
He arrived 16th December and lost loads of weight as breastfeeding took a while to establish. We went to MIl on Xmas Eve and although it was nice to see everyone it was absolutely horrible being in someone else's house or rather not in t house. I was still bleeding and leaking milk everywhere, went through all my clues in about 1 day and just felt blueugh and couldn't relax fully.
With dd I refused to go away overnight anywhere for the first month. Turned out She was slightly jaundiced and hospital wanted me to stay in (which I refused as wanted to get home to ds1) so ended up going back to hospital every for a week for blood tests. I then got mastitis and spent two days in bed ill.
Havin said that with ds2 I could easily have gone to a wedding etc but that was partly fuel the fact that I was a lot less neurotic about everything and knew what I was doing a bit more!
Too be honest no one can tell you what you will feel like/how it will be so you just need to take it as it comes and see on the day to be honest.

Hihohoho1 · 13/01/2016 09:47

You can't possibly say yes if no until babies actually here and then see how you are.

I wasn't bleeding heavily 2 weeks post birth with any of mine and luckily for me found bf easy and fine.

I could have done a wedding with a toe week old. Toddlers now that is a whole other ball game. Far far harder.

Sure your friend will understand and support your decision op.

No one needs to be 'devastated' over missing a wedding though do they?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5