DILEMMA!! Best friends wedding 2 weeks after my due date

[Luc28]

HELP!!

Due to have my baby at the end of Feb but it's my very best friends wedding mid March, she's done everything possible to help us by giving us a family room for the full weekend so we can stay over and lots of extra little bits to make it easier! Feel so torn though as I've no idea when baby will be here if she's late then is it a good idea to take her out so soon, if she's early would we manage with her at a busy venue.
I really don't want to miss my best friends special day as we've been through so much together and I would be devastated if I missed it!
Leaving the baby with my parents isn't even an option as the venues a few hours drive away from where we live so would have to stay over. I thought of just staying at the hotel the night before, attend church and the wedding breakfast then take baby back to hotel room for a quiet evening and just miss the night do .... Hubbys not convinced and thinks we should just miss it all together and stay at home 😢

Any advise/ suggestions/ thoughts greatly received as I feel in such a dilemma! .... Just don't know what to do for the best!!

[Soooosie]

6 hour drive - nutter! Poor mum and baby

[Jollyphonics]

I don't think you can decide until nearer the time, when you know how you feel with a newborn.

I moved house (splitting with my ex) when DS1 was 3 weeks old, and it was fine. He slept most of the day, and I just fed and changed him intermittently between packing and unpacking. I could have managed a wedding, but I would have kept him close to me, and wouldn't have passed him around for a cuddle - too many germs!

Personally I would say try and go, but plan to leave if it all gets too much. As others have said, they are very portable at that age. They are demanding but their needs are pretty basic - nappies, clothes, feeds, cuddles - nothing like the armoury of toys that you need when taking a toddler to places!

[Needtobebetter]

I could have done it with DS2, but with DS1 no way. It completely depends on the situation really. If things are straightforward then I'd definitely go, it'll be tiring but as long as you have a room to go to it'll be fine.

[ARightOldPickle]

One of my DDs friends came to her wedding with her 11 day old baby and she had taken her to another the previous week (June, prime wedding month). It was her second baby and toddler stayed at grannies. There was also a 12 week old guest and we provided a quiet room with comfy chairs for feeding, rests etc. Another friend had been determined to come but went overdue, ended up with an emcs, and was still in hospital on the day of the wedding.

So it can be done, problem is you won't necessarily know until very near the day whether you will be up to it or not.

[yorkshapudding]

I'm inclined to agree with your DP. I would turn down the invitation now and save yourselves and the B&G any hassle or uncertaintly in the run up to the wedding. Previous posters are 100% correct that there's really no way to tell how you will feel (even if you have a lovely, straightforward labour and delivery) and although it's kind of the B&G to agree to "play it by ear", leaving it open like that might result in you feeling pressured to attend when you're really not up to it. At 2 weeks past my due date I was in no frame of mind to make rational decisions and probably would have felt obliged to go and hated every minute.

[whaleshark]

Given that your friend sounds sensible, and understanding, I think you should try and go if you can. There is no way you can make a decision in advance though, there are too many variables. I think the only sensible option is to keep an open mind, and see how things are when the time comes. You may have an easy natural birth, three weeks before the wedding, and find having a newborn a breeze, or you may have a C section the day before the wedding, and have no chance of going.

[skankingpiglet]

I had to have an elcs due to breech, so I knew exactly when I'd be having my baby. A close friend's wedding was 5 days later and in my naivety (pfb) I thought we would be fine making the ceremony and possibly hanging around a bit briefly after for a bit of the drinks reception(wasn't daft enough to think I'd manage the whole reception). In reality, the baby would have been fine but there was no way I was prepared to travel even the 1/2hr to the venue. I was just too sore from the op. Even 10 days after the birth I think it would have been iffy, and there's absolutely no way I'd have travelled the kind of distance you are talking about.

[Letseatgrandma]

Oh my goodness, no! We were in that situation-invited to my friend's wedding 10 dats after my due date. We declined and they were fine but I remember thinking how pleased I wasn't going on the day. My boobs were massive and leaking through breast pads/clothes at in opportune moments, I was still bleeding heavily so was wearing pads and just generally felt icky!! I had mastitis and could only feed with nipple shields as well which were not easy to use to begin with and I was glad I was in the comfort of my own home!

[noeffingidea]

I would have been able to go with all of mine, but I'm one of those people who gets up straight after the birth and carries on as normal.
My first was breastfed at this age, my second and third were formula fed,it would probably have been easier with the breastfed baby. With the other two I had to worry about sterilising bottles, making up feeds, etc. But you can probably get round that nowadays with presterilised bottles and cartons,of milk.
You just have to wait and see. Some people need or want longer times to recover after a birth. Some people can get straight back into things. Neither if them are wrong.

[KERALA1]

Both mine kept in for a week with jaundice. One didn't feed properly etc. Mentally you are biologically programmed to care about NOTHING
except the minutiae of keeping that baby alive. Personally would not have had the headspace to go cavorting round a wedding chatting to randoms. But everyone is different

[Obs2016]

I too think people are being extremely melodramatic about the germs and stuff!!
Wait and see, when you give birth, and how you feel. You might vine early and your child might be a few weeks old.
Some people feel ok. Others feel like death. Some people have no support and have to take their baby out to get bread and milk or take a child to school. Some mums are doing school runs within a few days!
If it meant so much to you, for a very close best friend, if you are feeling well enough, you could just get your Dh to drive down (an hour and a half is not TOO far) and just attend the wedding and be in the photos. If that's important to your friend.
Whilst Dh looks after baby for a short time.
It's not un-do-able.
Just see how you feel at the time.
You might not feel well enough to go, but you might.
People take babies to GP, to PNG's all sorts. Babies are quite adaptable. See how you go......

[Jibberjabberjooo]

We took DS2 to a wedding at four weeks old. Didn't have any easy birth, couldn't have done it if it had been any sooner. You really can't predict these things.

[ILoveMyMonkey]

Don't put too much pressure on yourself to attend because you just dont know how it will all pan out. My first was 5 days late, I had an episiotomy that became infected so couldn't sit down for about 3 weeks without serious pain, had retained placenta which was only discovered a week after birth and that caused a womb infection (I'm not trying to scare you just being honest about unexpected occurrences) so all in all I felt shocking - taking a baby to an event would have been the easy bit as he fed every 4 hours and slept inbetween, especially in the early days, didnt find his voice for quite a while, it's me that definitely wouldn't have managed.
Wait and see but don't be surprised if you just want to hide away and snuggle up in new baby bliss.

[noeffingidea]

After rereading your first couple of posts, what I would have done is drove to the wedding on the day and left about 9ish. I wouldn't have bothered with the hotel room.
I don't think that is a long car journey, I wouldn't have seen any problem with that. All my babies slept in the car, if they woke up for a feed we went into services . That's as a passenger though, can't speak for driving though (because I can't drive).

[Alanna1]

I went to a close friend's wedding a week before my due date, my sister and one of my bridesmaids was very heavily pregnant at mine, and I went to a big event 9 days after having my second (baby came too and I would go back and feed her regularly). I think you need to think about you as a person and the likely level of support you have. But it is totally doable as long as, of course, you and the baby are healthy. I'd play by ear but with the expectation of going. You might like your mum there too to help your partner.

[AllOutOfNaiceHam]

I went to my best friend's wedding when DC2 was 10 days old.
I had a fabulous time, fed baby everywhere, just made sure I was wearing something I could do that in.
I am very glad that I went and do not regret it at all.
Newborns are, all in all, extremely portable, and if you pop baby into a sling, it should be nice and close, safe and feel protected in there.

Do whatever you think is best.

[MrsHathaway]

Mine were late. DC1 was slow. Two weeks after my due date I just about made it to the shop. I was still bleeding chunks, and because probably anaemic got very tired and breathless quickly.

I couldn't have gone to a wedding ceremony let alone reception.

I went to a wedding a fortnight later and was tired out but well able to enjoy it.

Two weeks after your due date could be 0-5 weeks after your delivery date if you're on time with no complications.

I'd accept, but with a very low threshold for cancelling. If your friends are cool with that (possibly having an empty room and empty seats on the day) then that's the best option. If they need a firm answer then I'd say the answer would have to be a regretful no.

[MargaretCabbage]

I wouldn't go. We had to travel hours to attend a funeral when DS was two weeks old. I found the travelling very stressful and uncomfortable. I was still establishing breastfeeding, and it all went a bit wrong because I wasn't comfortable. I couldn't sleep when he slept so I ended up being awake for over 24 hours when he didn't sleep all night, and ended up as an exhausted sobbing mess.

You might be fine to go, but you might not and I wouldn't risk it.

[MooseAndSquirrel]

As pp have said, see how you feel at the time. You'll either be fine or not want to leave the house!
My best mate was getting married 2weeks after my c section.
I went as I could never miss her big day, there's lots of sitting around at weddings so it was fine.
Sat and got my make up done, sat through the ceremony and sat at wedding breakfast, baby is nice and portable as a new born and they sleep so much it really was fine.
I did leave before the evening do, around 7 and yes I was sore, and very very tired - but it was one day effort for me which meant I didn't miss my closest friends day. It was easier as there was no pressure from her, course she wanted me there but wouldn't want me to feel like I had too.
but all our experiences are a bit pointless, as it depends on how you are (baby will be fine no matter how old!) dont stress about it, if she's a good friend she'll understand either way

[Frazzled2207]

Play it by ear- if baby is early or on time you might make it but I think unlikely if not. I was pretty much flat out for a fortnight after my first.
If on the other hand baby a bit early, easy birth and feeding well you might make it

[Hulababy]

I wouldn't have been able. Dd was two weeks late and was a c section after 2+ days of failed induction/labours.

Even by the time she was two weeks of have struggled. And that is despite having a pretty straight forward recovery. I could just about manage a very short walk outside and maybe a shortish drive. But I was post op, tired and had a baby who didn't like to sleep much. Breast feeding was proving a nightmare and dealing with that would have been a pain. And I really wouldn't have wanted to have to be dressed up and fussing with hair and make up whilst being in pain and bleeding etc.

I was more than happy to meet friends and family but preferred to be in the comfort of my own or close friend/family homes with the chance to slope off and feed/sleep in comfort and private.

So i would decline the staying over and then just see if I was up to just coming for the ceremony and pre dinner chat bit - and then head home again. Means friend wouldn't be out of pocket and pressure is off then.

[rageagainsttheBIL]

I think I could have done this when my baby was 2-3 weeks old, but not one week ( was a week late) - he was still in sleepy stage AND I'd established Breastfeeding by then but engorgement had passed. I went for a meal out with friends around that time and it was fine (of course not quite comparable though). You need to play it by ear.

[AnotherTimeMaybe]

I do agree with all PPs who mentioned gems and baby not been immunised yet
My baby caught an infection from a visitor 4 days old and we had to stay 7 days in the hospital along with all tests for meningitis etc ... Not worth it!!!
Different if you have to go to GP cause baby is ill and must see a doctor and different that you have to take your one week old to a wedding to make your friend happy ! Also doesn't your dp's opinion matter?

[Branleuse]

i would just play it by ear. I wouldnt say a definite yes or no. Your baby could be early and itll be fine or it could be late. Im sure your BF will be realistic about it

I went to my nanas funeral and wake with ds2 who was about a week old and it was actually ok.

I think your idea of going for some of it, but not all is good. It will be a lot down to how you are feeling, but newborn babies are pretty portable. You could have him in a papoose

[EndothermicVertebrate]

I think this is something you just have to take as it comes. My DD was born 14 days exactly past my due date. My waters had broken 4 days previously and I ended up with a drip induction, epidural and emcs, followed by a week in hospital.

Having said that, if it had all happened a fortnight earlier, I think I would have been able to manage service & immediate drinks and nibbles after if I'd been in your shoes as was quite well in myself.

I think attempting the whole shebang would be a bit ambitious though!



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