DILEMMA!! Best friends wedding 2 weeks after my due date

[Luc28]

HELP!!

Due to have my baby at the end of Feb but it's my very best friends wedding mid March, she's done everything possible to help us by giving us a family room for the full weekend so we can stay over and lots of extra little bits to make it easier! Feel so torn though as I've no idea when baby will be here if she's late then is it a good idea to take her out so soon, if she's early would we manage with her at a busy venue.
I really don't want to miss my best friends special day as we've been through so much together and I would be devastated if I missed it!
Leaving the baby with my parents isn't even an option as the venues a few hours drive away from where we live so would have to stay over. I thought of just staying at the hotel the night before, attend church and the wedding breakfast then take baby back to hotel room for a quiet evening and just miss the night do .... Hubbys not convinced and thinks we should just miss it all together and stay at home 😢

Any advise/ suggestions/ thoughts greatly received as I feel in such a dilemma! .... Just don't know what to do for the best!!

[junebirthdaygirl]

The travelling bit won't be an issue. I had all mine in a hospital that was further away than that and had no choice but to travel it after 3 days to get home. It was no bother. So if you have a nice hotel room and are prepared to spend a good bit of time there it should be fine unless baby has just arrived. It's great your friend isn't a big drama queen so just relax until time comes. Do remember however that there is the possibility nothing will fit you, it needs to be breastfeeding friendly so be prepared. Also if you feel at the time you just can't face it don't feel bad. It's a very special time for you so do what's most comfortable.

[Magtils]

I could have written your post earlier this year! My best friend got married in june and my baby was due 10 days before her wedding date. It was complicated by the fact that it was a no child wedding. I already had a 4 year old and she reluctantly said that I could just bring the baby if he was born on time! I wasn't sure how my 4 year old would have felt about being left at home and the rest of her family going out without her anyway. She had to finalise numbers a week before so I decided that if my son had been born by then I would go, if not I wouldnt. My son was induced the day before her wedding in the end. I wasn't up to going anywhere with him for about 10 days after he was born due to complications with his birth. I would give yourself and her a cut off date. It's hard to miss it. I was upset not to be there but to be honest at the time I didn't want to be anywhere but with my baby at home!

[Karoleann]

I wouldn't have managed it with after any of my three (mainly as I don't deliver until 41 weeks so I'd have a week old!).
But if the baby is 2 weeks early, then you may be okay.

I would say no to the wedding invite, but say that you'll really make the effort to come to the church to see the actual wedding. If you're up to it DH can drive you. You can stop half way to feed in necessary and then you can slowly make your way home afterwards.

[TisIthecat]

I was bridesmaid for a friend when our first born was 2 weeks old. It was a couple of hours drive so we stayed the night afterwards in a nearby travel lodge. Dd was extremely portable, slept through much of the day and in her car seat at the evening reception. We had a great time.

If it's of consequence I was breastfeeding and had had a 3rd degree tear. My experience seems to be unusual here...

[Throwingshade]

We took our eldest son to a wedding when he was six weeks old. It was fine. We took our youngest to family over 400 miles away for Christmas when he was three weeks which also worked well. It's not always a 'can't do' situation with a newborn.

The difficulty is of course that you don't know how the birth will be and how you will feel etc.

But I would definitely not just cancel yet, it can be done and you might feel fine and want to go. As you say, you could just go for the ceremony? And/or wear baby in a sling.

[Throwingshade]

TisIthecat yes it is unusual and I am surprised at answers on this particular thread as Mumsnet is usually a) don't go anywhere with a baby till it's 6 weeks old and b) always get angry that you are even invited to a wedding, let alone expected to come with a young baby!

[Salene]

I was in the same situation

My friends was getting married 9 days after due date

I gave birth 1 day early my husband went away 5 days later

Me and 10 day old baby drove 90 miles very early on the morning of wedding, we left after the first dance at 7pm and drove 90 miles home again

It wasn't enjoyable, I was exhausted but it was my best friends wedding and I couldn't miss it.
Sometime you need to go the extra mile for those close to you.

If I'd had a section of course I'd of had no choice but not to attend as could my drive but I had a normal birth.

[carolinemoon]

I went to a wedding with DD2 at four weeks old. It was fine, and there are no more germs at a wedding than in any other place you're likely to want to take a four week old.

We had a hotel room, so could escape if needed, but didn't really need to until it was time for bed (about 10!). DD even slept for 6 hours without waking, a feat she didn't manage again for quite some time!

We ordered room service breakfast and all in all it was lovely.

I think you'll need to tell your friend that you can't decide until baby is born.

[abbsismyhero]

ive been out a couple of days after giving birth for a long shopping trip i was tired but you cope if you need to saying that my last one i seriously didn't want to move after having him!

it all depends on how you feel on the day realistically no one can advise you they can just tell you there experience

[2ManySweets]

If this was me I wouldn't risk any accusations of "messing about" and just turn the invite down now.
If I were in your shoes I'd do that; my BFF would be gutted I wouldn't make it but she would understand and I know it wouldn't be a "thing" that'd hang over us for years as I'd have been super straight with her super fast.

Just decline now, so there can be no dragging out of holding rooms/losing room deposits/bride paying for two folk who may no-show at the 11th hour. She'll be sad, and so will you, but don't make promises you can't keep, especially if this is your first child.

If your BFF is as much of a gem as my BFF, she will understand, I promise.

(Just get her an awesome wedding present )

[YesterdayOnceMore]

My sister in law came to our wedding when her baby was 3 weeks old. To be fair on us, we had arranged the date before she was pregnant so it wasn't exactly our fault. But now I have had babies of my own, I have no idea how she managed it. From our perspective, it all went smoothly and it was lovely to have a new born there to share our special day.

Provided your friend is understanding, decided at the time. If you can manage it, it will be worth it. If you can't, your friend should hopefully understand.

[Gemdiddly86]

This happened to me - one of my closest friends from home, 3 weeks after EDD. Baby came. 5 days past due date so he was two weeks old at time of wedding. I'd RSVP'd no and I'm glad I did - we were breastfeeding constantly and I can't imagine how I'd have handled that for the whole day. We skyped into the ceremony and then some of the reception do (one of the bridesmaids 'carried' us round on her iPad to say hi to everyone. Could you suggest that?

Although saying all this one of my NCT friends travelled from London to Lincoln for a wedding when baby was 3 weeks old and it worked out ok. I'd still advise erring on the 'no' side until you know how you feel and how things are going.

[Baressentials]

With each of my dc I could have gone. I was so high and full of energy for the first 12 weeks after birth. Then the tiredness and weepies kicked in. I agree eadier with a newborn than a 6 month old. But that is just my experience. I would wait and see hpw you feel mentally and physically. If you were my best friend I would be happy for you to leave the decision right to the last minute.

[GinIsTheBestChristmasSpirit]

You won't know until baby is here in all honesty. I could have done it with two of mine but not the third. It will depend on when baby comes and how the birth goes.

Hope your birth is nice and simple and on time so you can make it.

[diddl]

Just to put a different spin on it.

I had two very easy births, but both babies in hospital.

No way I could have left them.

Would it be of any use to you to think about going to just the ceremony if it's a place you can just go to without needing an invitation iyswim?

[MillieMoodle]

I had almost exactly the same situation! DS due end of Feb, best friends wedding early/mid March. I obviously couldn't be bridesmaid (I was meant to be chief bridesmaid) but when it came to RSVP I said to her to assume that we wouldn't be able to make it and not to pay for a meal or anything for me and DH, but that if we could make it, we would and we'd just sort out our own food etc.

As it was, DS arrived very late at night, the day before her wedding, so we didn't make it (she was getting married about 3 hours away and I was in hospital for 3 days). I was relieved not to have given birth on her wedding day and DS was mentioned in her DH's wedding speech

She was very understanding and sweet about it all. I was gutted to have missed her wedding but she got a godson out of it so she was happy with that!

[inlovewithhubby]

I don't think you would be unreasonable to make whatever decision suits you. Agree with pp that you could prepare your friend for it being very unlikely and see how you go. A really good friend, thinking selflessly, will understand, even if she hasn't had a baby. And if she doesn't - good people can get really wrapped up in wedding stress - she'll certainly get it retrospectively when she has a baby herself.

We took our 4 week old teeny tiny baby to a family wedding, long drive but stopped up feed, had a room so I could pop off and feed too. Baby was passed around so I got a break in between relentless feeding - Personally I don't buy all the 'germs' nonsense, babies will be passed around in the home to visitors in the same way. Dd1 was an unusually chilled baby and it worked but it was bloody stressful and we were exhausted by it. Had it been dd2 - prem, colicky, jaundiced, allergic to milk, non-sleeping, very shouty - it wouldn't have worked. So do what suits you and your newborn (and partner, of course) - this is one time to be unapologetically selfish and do what works for you as a family. The early days are so precious.

[katienana]

My friend is getting married a month after my due date. Its a 4 hours car journey away. I haven't had the invite yet so don't know the logistics but I don't know what to do either. I was in a bad way after having my ds and I also might not want to leave my older child so soon if he isn't invited.

[neepsandtatties]

Decline the room and just go for the ceremony (i.e. incurring her no costs if you can't go at the last minute). Presuming you've had the baby, a 1 hr 40 journey and putting on a brave face for 30 mins during the ceremony should be do-able unless you are literally just that day home from the hospital (and if you are, just cancel!). Plenty of time for the journey so you can stop to feed and change numerous times.

[SaltySeaBird]

I would have been fine to go and took DD to a wedding that was 6 hours away when she was 2.5 weeks old. She was fantastic and slept in a sling most of the time. The hotel gave me keys to an office right by the reception room for breastfeeding to save me going all the way back to my room.

Another friend attended a wedding when her DD was three days old but didn't stay beyond the ceremony and meal.

[Licketysplit9]

Totally agree with PlateofCrumbs.

Let your friend know you need to decide closer to the time - just so she knows where she stands.

Totally agree with the sling idea. Newborn can be snug in those things for yonks. Especially those wrap type ones. Make sure if you go that you are wearing something feeding friendly and identify a good private spot for feeding (if you are breastfeeding).

And if you do go, just play it by ear and don't have any high expectations. You could have a really lovely time. In some ways newborns are a heck of a lot easier to take to a wedding than a toddler. I snuck a newborn into a lecture before! Plus generally people love a snuggle with a newborn, which might make you feel a bit liberated for a while.

I probably wouldn't sleep overnight (just because sometimes that's quite uncomfortable with babies). It's nice to have home comforts at night.

But totally depends on your fragility at the time. If have breastfeeding latch nightmares early on (I certainly did), then you maybe not. Could someone facetime the ceremony?

Best of luck!

[DaftVader36]

Definitely possible if all goes well. Friend drove 6 hours to be a bridesmaid for her sister when her first was 4 weeks. No worries at all. Sister was accommodating and realistic, friend got to introduce her newborn to everyone, and it was lovely. Hope for the same for you!

[Whatdoidohelp]

If you've had a section there is no way you can go.

If you've had a vaginal birth I still think it wouldn't be I wise. You'll be bleeding heavily. Leaking milk. Sore. Bloated. Swollen. And on top of all this the baby will still be waking all the bloody time to eat. You'll be exhausted.

A real friend will understand.

[AliensInUnderpants12]

I would wait and see how you feel. I think I could have managed to go to a wedding with a one week old, but not younger than that. I would probably aim to go for the ceremony and leave after the meal. Dancing wouldn't have been do-able for me as I had stitches! Disclaimer...I bottle fed my DC so feeding was pretty straightforward!

[HeyMicky]

I went to a close friend's wedding with DD1 aged 13 days, and SIL's wedding with DD2 not quite 3 weeks and DD1 2.8. Both were fine.

Get a dress you can feed in and really good control pants. Allow plenty of time to do hair and makeup.

Ask to be seated somewhere there is room for the pram, where you can get out easily if baby squawks during speeches and where you can feed discreetly facing a wall if you'd feel more comfortable like that. Maybe think about expressing if baby will take a bottle or two.

Get your DH onside - no getting smashed, he needs to be on hand to help adjust feeding scarf, cut your food up if required, take baby for a walk while you chat to your mates, and burp/change/ comfort as he would share normally.

Wangle a bottle of champagne for your hotel room or feeding room - friends will be very happy to join you for a glass and a chat during the drinks reception or after dinner while you feed.

As PPs have said, much easier at this stage than at 10 months when they're crawling about