DILEMMA!! Best friends wedding 2 weeks after my due date

[Luc28]

HELP!!

Due to have my baby at the end of Feb but it's my very best friends wedding mid March, she's done everything possible to help us by giving us a family room for the full weekend so we can stay over and lots of extra little bits to make it easier! Feel so torn though as I've no idea when baby will be here if she's late then is it a good idea to take her out so soon, if she's early would we manage with her at a busy venue.
I really don't want to miss my best friends special day as we've been through so much together and I would be devastated if I missed it!
Leaving the baby with my parents isn't even an option as the venues a few hours drive away from where we live so would have to stay over. I thought of just staying at the hotel the night before, attend church and the wedding breakfast then take baby back to hotel room for a quiet evening and just miss the night do .... Hubbys not convinced and thinks we should just miss it all together and stay at home 😢

Any advise/ suggestions/ thoughts greatly received as I feel in such a dilemma! .... Just don't know what to do for the best!!

[Hihohoho1]

You can't possibly say yes if no until babies actually here and then see how you are.

I wasn't bleeding heavily 2 weeks post birth with any of mine and luckily for me found bf easy and fine.

I could have done a wedding with a toe week old. Toddlers now that is a whole other ball game. Far far harder.

Sure your friend will understand and support your decision op.

No one needs to be 'devastated' over missing a wedding though do they?

[BrieAndChilli]

Ds1 was due 16th December and so we agreed to go MIL for Xmas - 2 hours drive away so meant staying for a few days. We were excited about showin the baby off etc
He arrived 16th December and lost loads of weight as breastfeeding took a while to establish. We went to MIl on Xmas Eve and although it was nice to see everyone it was absolutely horrible being in someone else's house or rather not in t house. I was still bleeding and leaking milk everywhere, went through all my clues in about 1 day and just felt blueugh and couldn't relax fully.
With dd I refused to go away overnight anywhere for the first month. Turned out She was slightly jaundiced and hospital wanted me to stay in (which I refused as wanted to get home to ds1) so ended up going back to hospital every for a week for blood tests. I then got mastitis and spent two days in bed ill.
Havin said that with ds2 I could easily have gone to a wedding etc but that was partly fuel the fact that I was a lot less neurotic about everything and knew what I was doing a bit more!
Too be honest no one can tell you what you will feel like/how it will be so you just need to take it as it comes and see on the day to be honest.

[misscarlar]

I haven't read all whole thread I might be repeating things.
Personally I would go but I would do some things in preparation

Plan a route with lots of stops if driving any distance
Look for an outfit now - you don't magically go down to pre pregnancy size and if you have a baby then go shopping you could have a hormonal cry and not want to go. Pretty wrap dresses are fairly adjustable and good for feeding in
Look at hiring a sling - little one doesn't get too stimulated by everyone want cuddles and will probably sleep

[Blu]

I was not 'bleeding heavily' a whole two weeks after giving birth, nor did I feel the need of a cloth, or a private room in which to breast feed - though it can be a little hit and miss before you and the baby are adept at feeding anytime, anywhere.

By 2 weeks after the birth of your baby you might be dying for some good company, a change of scenery and a bit of an adult natter, not solely focussed on the baby! We went away for the weekend, took DS out for dinner in the evening and on the beach during the day at 2.5 weeks.

Just don't let drunk people slobber all over your precious bundle or put their fingers in her/his mouth (WHY do people do that to babies?)

[TisIthecat]

The biggest risk may be the bride being upstaged by a very small bundle of gorgeousness...

If you do go, don't try and feed in a wrap dress. The access is easy... but trying to retain any respectability with half your frock hanging off is a challenge

[sellisx]

I was two days late with my pfb. I was kept in for 13 days afterwards so no way would I have been going anywhere

[GabiSolis]

I took DD to a wedding when she was two weeks old. It was a family wedding and I'd previously said to the B & G that I would have to see how I was at the time, or if they needed a definite answer then I would have to say no. They were fine with me telling them yes or no once DD was here.

As it turns out, we were fine to go. We had a room at the venue and had a lovely day.

If your friend is happy for you to delay your answer, then do that.

[WildebeestH]

My mum got remarried about 3 weeks after my pfb's due date. Beforehand I said that we would do everything we could to be there but that I couldn't guarantee we'd be there. He was two weeks late, I was exhausted, sore and struggling to establish breastfeeding but it would have been very difficult not to go. We travelled 200 miles by car when he was 9 days old and had to deal with distant relatives and people I didn't really know cooing over our tiny bundle and wanting to hold him. It also ate into the previous two weeks of paternity leave my DH had. I am glad I was there and I suspect I'd end up doing the same again but it really wasn't easy. I don't think it helped that my DM didn't really consider how it was for us and was very keen (maybe understandably) for the day to be all about her. I'd agree with what others have said - try to leave it open if you can and decide after your LO has arrived.

[KERALA1]

Also weigh up whether the effort and worry is really worth it. Yes a good friend but in the grand scheme of things would your absence on the day be worth the effort and possible risk of going? Maybe yes - only you know really.

I have gone to events and been so relieved I made the effort as it meant a lot to the hosts, others where when I got there realised whether I was there or not didn't matter really. Often depends on the size/ intimacy of the event Ie whether it's a tiny wedding in a special place with just parents and close friends or a massive jolly knees up with crowds of old university friends and workmates - the latter I would be more relaxed about missing.

[Caterina99]

Not quite the same, but I took DS to an engagement party when he was 3 weeks old, and I had an emcs. It was about 45 min drive away and we stayed for a few hours. He slept pretty much the whole time and my friend had a room where I could go and feed him. It went ok, but I was really tired. I wouldn't have wanted to stay overnight anywhere personally, but you don't know how you'll feel!

One of my close friends didn't make it to my wedding in the end as she had her DS the day before. It was about 2 weeks after her due date. The venue needed final numbers about 3 days in advance so we knew then that she wasnt going to make it.

[EndothermicVertebrate]

I think this is something you just have to take as it comes. My DD was born 14 days exactly past my due date. My waters had broken 4 days previously and I ended up with a drip induction, epidural and emcs, followed by a week in hospital.

Having said that, if it had all happened a fortnight earlier, I think I would have been able to manage service & immediate drinks and nibbles after if I'd been in your shoes as was quite well in myself.

I think attempting the whole shebang would be a bit ambitious though!



Having

[Branleuse]

i would just play it by ear. I wouldnt say a definite yes or no. Your baby could be early and itll be fine or it could be late. Im sure your BF will be realistic about it

I went to my nanas funeral and wake with ds2 who was about a week old and it was actually ok.

I think your idea of going for some of it, but not all is good. It will be a lot down to how you are feeling, but newborn babies are pretty portable. You could have him in a papoose

[AnotherTimeMaybe]

I do agree with all PPs who mentioned gems and baby not been immunised yet
My baby caught an infection from a visitor 4 days old and we had to stay 7 days in the hospital along with all tests for meningitis etc ... Not worth it!!!
Different if you have to go to GP cause baby is ill and must see a doctor and different that you have to take your one week old to a wedding to make your friend happy ! Also doesn't your dp's opinion matter?

[rageagainsttheBIL]

I think I could have done this when my baby was 2-3 weeks old, but not one week ( was a week late) - he was still in sleepy stage AND I'd established Breastfeeding by then but engorgement had passed. I went for a meal out with friends around that time and it was fine (of course not quite comparable though). You need to play it by ear.

[Hulababy]

I wouldn't have been able. Dd was two weeks late and was a c section after 2+ days of failed induction/labours.

Even by the time she was two weeks of have struggled. And that is despite having a pretty straight forward recovery. I could just about manage a very short walk outside and maybe a shortish drive. But I was post op, tired and had a baby who didn't like to sleep much. Breast feeding was proving a nightmare and dealing with that would have been a pain. And I really wouldn't have wanted to have to be dressed up and fussing with hair and make up whilst being in pain and bleeding etc.

I was more than happy to meet friends and family but preferred to be in the comfort of my own or close friend/family homes with the chance to slope off and feed/sleep in comfort and private.

So i would decline the staying over and then just see if I was up to just coming for the ceremony and pre dinner chat bit - and then head home again. Means friend wouldn't be out of pocket and pressure is off then.

[Frazzled2207]

Play it by ear- if baby is early or on time you might make it but I think unlikely if not. I was pretty much flat out for a fortnight after my first.
If on the other hand baby a bit early, easy birth and feeding well you might make it

[MooseAndSquirrel]

As pp have said, see how you feel at the time. You'll either be fine or not want to leave the house!
My best mate was getting married 2weeks after my c section.
I went as I could never miss her big day, there's lots of sitting around at weddings so it was fine.
Sat and got my make up done, sat through the ceremony and sat at wedding breakfast, baby is nice and portable as a new born and they sleep so much it really was fine.
I did leave before the evening do, around 7 and yes I was sore, and very very tired - but it was one day effort for me which meant I didn't miss my closest friends day. It was easier as there was no pressure from her, course she wanted me there but wouldn't want me to feel like I had too.
but all our experiences are a bit pointless, as it depends on how you are (baby will be fine no matter how old!) dont stress about it, if she's a good friend she'll understand either way

[MargaretCabbage]

I wouldn't go. We had to travel hours to attend a funeral when DS was two weeks old. I found the travelling very stressful and uncomfortable. I was still establishing breastfeeding, and it all went a bit wrong because I wasn't comfortable. I couldn't sleep when he slept so I ended up being awake for over 24 hours when he didn't sleep all night, and ended up as an exhausted sobbing mess.

You might be fine to go, but you might not and I wouldn't risk it.

[MrsHathaway]

Mine were late. DC1 was slow. Two weeks after my due date I just about made it to the shop. I was still bleeding chunks, and because probably anaemic got very tired and breathless quickly.

I couldn't have gone to a wedding ceremony let alone reception.

I went to a wedding a fortnight later and was tired out but well able to enjoy it.

Two weeks after your due date could be 0-5 weeks after your delivery date if you're on time with no complications.

I'd accept, but with a very low threshold for cancelling. If your friends are cool with that (possibly having an empty room and empty seats on the day) then that's the best option. If they need a firm answer then I'd say the answer would have to be a regretful no.

[AllOutOfNaiceHam]

I went to my best friend's wedding when DC2 was 10 days old.
I had a fabulous time, fed baby everywhere, just made sure I was wearing something I could do that in.
I am very glad that I went and do not regret it at all.
Newborns are, all in all, extremely portable, and if you pop baby into a sling, it should be nice and close, safe and feel protected in there.

Do whatever you think is best.

[Alanna1]

I went to a close friend's wedding a week before my due date, my sister and one of my bridesmaids was very heavily pregnant at mine, and I went to a big event 9 days after having my second (baby came too and I would go back and feed her regularly). I think you need to think about you as a person and the likely level of support you have. But it is totally doable as long as, of course, you and the baby are healthy. I'd play by ear but with the expectation of going. You might like your mum there too to help your partner.

[noeffingidea]

After rereading your first couple of posts, what I would have done is drove to the wedding on the day and left about 9ish. I wouldn't have bothered with the hotel room.
I don't think that is a long car journey, I wouldn't have seen any problem with that. All my babies slept in the car, if they woke up for a feed we went into services . That's as a passenger though, can't speak for driving though (because I can't drive).

[ILoveMyMonkey]

Don't put too much pressure on yourself to attend because you just dont know how it will all pan out. My first was 5 days late, I had an episiotomy that became infected so couldn't sit down for about 3 weeks without serious pain, had retained placenta which was only discovered a week after birth and that caused a womb infection (I'm not trying to scare you just being honest about unexpected occurrences) so all in all I felt shocking - taking a baby to an event would have been the easy bit as he fed every 4 hours and slept inbetween, especially in the early days, didnt find his voice for quite a while, it's me that definitely wouldn't have managed.
Wait and see but don't be surprised if you just want to hide away and snuggle up in new baby bliss.

[Jibberjabberjooo]

We took DS2 to a wedding at four weeks old. Didn't have any easy birth, couldn't have done it if it had been any sooner. You really can't predict these things.

[Obs2016]

I too think people are being extremely melodramatic about the germs and stuff!!
Wait and see, when you give birth, and how you feel. You might vine early and your child might be a few weeks old.
Some people feel ok. Others feel like death. Some people have no support and have to take their baby out to get bread and milk or take a child to school. Some mums are doing school runs within a few days!
If it meant so much to you, for a very close best friend, if you are feeling well enough, you could just get your Dh to drive down (an hour and a half is not TOO far) and just attend the wedding and be in the photos. If that's important to your friend.
Whilst Dh looks after baby for a short time.
It's not un-do-able.
Just see how you feel at the time.
You might not feel well enough to go, but you might.
People take babies to GP, to PNG's all sorts. Babies are quite adaptable. See how you go......