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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DILEMMA!! Best friends wedding 2 weeks after my due date

110 replies

Luc28 · 09/01/2016 23:53

HELP!!

Due to have my baby at the end of Feb but it's my very best friends wedding mid March, she's done everything possible to help us by giving us a family room for the full weekend so we can stay over and lots of extra little bits to make it easier! Feel so torn though as I've no idea when baby will be here if she's late then is it a good idea to take her out so soon, if she's early would we manage with her at a busy venue.
I really don't want to miss my best friends special day as we've been through so much together and I would be devastated if I missed it!
Leaving the baby with my parents isn't even an option as the venues a few hours drive away from where we live so would have to stay over. I thought of just staying at the hotel the night before, attend church and the wedding breakfast then take baby back to hotel room for a quiet evening and just miss the night do .... Hubbys not convinced and thinks we should just miss it all together and stay at home 😢

Any advise/ suggestions/ thoughts greatly received as I feel in such a dilemma! .... Just don't know what to do for the best!!

OP posts:

GiddyOnZackHunt · 10/01/2016 00:44

My db got married 3 weeks after my due date and we made it. However it was a small do and we were able to stay at my parents' house. Similar travel distance.
But I had a roughly on time birth with no complications.
You cannot tell until the baby is here.

maryann1975 · 10/01/2016 00:50

When I had dc1 I would have coped with going to a wedding after a couple of weeks. She was born on her due date and we travelled the 3 hours back to our parents home town on day 9. On day 10 we went to an annual event a lot of our friends were going to be at. Dd was fine. Bfing was going ok, dd fed every three hours, I just got on with feeding her when she woke/cried and people were really encouraging. She was a rarity and by day 10 was sleeping six hours, waking for a feed and then sleeping for another six hours. I felt great.

i would recommend you get a good sling to put baby in, makes it easier to keep baby to yourself if they start getting fussy after being passed round too much. Also, you might not want baby passed round like a parcel and people will think it is far to complicated to ask you to take baby out of the sling they won't expect a cuddle. I had a moby and it was far easier to use than it looked.

Bogeyface · 10/01/2016 00:54

I would go.

When they are teeny tiny they are the most portable. I would rather do a wedding with a newborn than a 6 month old or older!

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 10/01/2016 00:59

That is a dilemma. I haven't read all the replies. I went to my Cousin's wedding a few years ago, my other cousin (groom's sister) was 3 days post-partum. She turned up to the wedding, baby & dh in tow, for the ceremony, literally spent half an hour at the reception, and then went. They didn't stay for the meal, they went off back to their hotel (they lived 5 hrs away.) It was fine, and really amazing to see them there.

You may have a new born a few days/weeks old, or you may have just given birth - a hospital will let you 2wks past your due date, and then induce you. You may physically not be able to make it, despite wanting to, so at least tell her that much. Warn her that you can make your best endeavours to get there, but you may not physically/medically be able to.

Welshwabbit · 10/01/2016 00:59

I did travel 500 miles to a wedding with my second baby but 3 weeks after he was born, not 2 days . I was a bridesmaid for my best friend and I didn't want to miss it. He was very good at sleeping in the day so slept right through most of the wedding and speeches. I had an army of willing helpers to hold him at all points of the day. I don't think I would have done it with my first baby but am really glad I did take the plunge. OP, my friend was also willing to be flexible, which was very good of her. See how you feel when the baby is born. You never know, you may take to it like a duck to water and have an easy baby to boot.

AntiHop · 10/01/2016 01:16

Having written above about my experience with a new born I realised that mine didn't involve staying away from home. If you do go I would advise going home early so you can sleep at home.

One of my friends came to my wedding with her 2 week old. But it was only about 10 miles away. She didn't come to the ceremony and just came to part of the ceremony. I told her to decide on the day whether she felt up to coming at all.

itsmeagain1 · 10/01/2016 01:17

Both of my children were 2 weeks over their due date. Regardless, unless you give birth early (so in the next week or 2), I would assume that you aren't going to your BFF's wedding. She'll understand.

alltheworld · 10/01/2016 01:27

I went toa wedding with a 3 week old. Wish I hadn't

Blu · 10/01/2016 01:27

If your baby is on time, or a little early , you never know, but the chances are you will be fine!
We didn't go to a wedding but we went away for the weekend (me driving) when ds was 2 weeks, we just carted him about with us to dinner etc in a sling, carry cot and his portable car seat .

Plateofcrumbs · 10/01/2016 01:30

Is the hotel the same venue as the wedding/reception? It would make life much easier if you could go back and forwards to the room as needed. Allow loads of time for the journey, as you'll need to fit it around possibly lengthy feeds.

A sling is a good idea - worth a trip to a sling library as the often hire out slings with pretty fabrics which are great for weddings and special occasions. Try to be relaxed about the whole thing and don't panic that you have to look amazing or have the perfect outfit - there's a good chance it'll get milky sick, poo or leaky breastmilk on it (in fact pack a spare outfit!).

As long as you are realistic and you and your friend are both prepared that there is a high chance you won't be angle to make it, then keep your options open. But the odds of you attending are probably 50/50 at best - really the baby would have to be early or on time for it the even be feasible. If you think it's going to put too much pressure on you or let your friend down the last minute, it'd be better to decide now that it is too unlikely and back out now.

itshappenedagain · 10/01/2016 01:47

I took my DS to my uncles wedding when he was a week old, he arrived early! I was a bridesmaid, he was in the pram during the device and in a sling after it...so I didn't have to pass him around do much. See how you feel, I was exhausted! However dd's birth was much easier so I wasn't so exhausted.

boscros1 · 10/01/2016 01:49

It's really hard to say at this stage, you will just have to wait and see.

FWIW I went to a wedding with a 2.5wk old baby while bfing. It was totally fine and she slept quite a lot and I was in the bedroom feeding her for about an hour after dinner which was grand. I had an easy quick labour though. Couldn't have done it with my first baby.

TheExMotherInLaw · 10/01/2016 02:05

We went to London for the weekend on ds due date, when he was about three weeks old. 200 miles each way. We coped. It's ok with just the one. Enjoy!

CaptainWarbeck · 10/01/2016 02:15

I think you just have to be flexible. Your baby may scream through a long car drive and you might be uncomfortable with stitches, BFing, hormonal, knackered and not want to parade your baby about all day. Or you might have a great sleeper and really easy birth. Who knows!

The kindest thing your friend can do is not put pressure on you either way and leave your space open for you.

purplefizz26 · 10/01/2016 06:24

I think some posters are being a quite dramatic about germs, bleeding, hormones, breastfeeding, little sleep etc... You don't have to be housebound after giving birth as long as you are well there are no concerns with the baby.

A baby of that age is so portable! They mostly sleep between feeds. Much easier than older babies and toddlers who have routines and need proper food, naps to avoid crankiness and pretty much constant attention.

I wouldn't decide until you absolutely have to, if your friend can keep your place available indefinitely then don't put pressure on yourself just play it by ear.

It's only one day and night, and it is your best friend. If you feel up to it when the time comes, go! You will probably have a lovely time!

Me624 · 10/01/2016 07:24

My oldest friend is getting married 5 weeks after DC1 is due in a couple of months. The wedding is about an hour away and I am planning to go but have warned her we may have to pull out if I have a difficult birth/C-section etc. We are not staying over, will be going for the ceremony and wedding breakfast but are not planning to stay for the evening. My friend has checked with the venue and they are going to set aside a room where I can go during the day if I need quiet/space to bf or change the baby. So hoping we'll cope ok with a somewhere-between-3-and-5-week-old!

Jengnr · 10/01/2016 07:36

We went to a wedding when our son was 10 days old. We just went to the ceremony. Is that a possibility?

StitchesInTime · 10/01/2016 07:50

If your friend is happy to keep the space open, then I wouldn't make any decision until the last minute. It's just not possible to know how you'll feel yet.

You may feel fine and have baby settled enough with feeding to cope well. Or you may just be out of hospital (if baby's overdue) and barely able to face the thought of leaving the house. But you won't know whether you'll be able to cope with going until the baby's here.

TimeToMuskUp · 10/01/2016 08:00

We took DS2 to a wedding at 4 days old. Admittedly I was a little tired so went to bed early and left DH downstairs at 9pm with the baby til he woke and needed a feed, then DH popped him up to me and we all hit the bedroom at the same time. We also had DS1 who was 5 at the time, who is a party animal so remained downstairs with my best friend who is his Godmother. If there are others who can help out, let them.

It sounds very much as though she's being as flexible as possible in the hopes of having you there. See what happens and how you're feeling once your baby is here, and be honest with her (and yourself). The only thing I would suggest is that you don't push yourself too hard; if you find you're exhausted, excuse yourself quietly and give yourself an hour or two's sleep. So soon after giving birth you'll need rest.x

LumpySpaceCow · 10/01/2016 08:01

Play it be ear if you can. With DC1 there would have been no way I could have gone. I was so sore, anaemic

LumpySpaceCow · 10/01/2016 08:03

......posted too soon!
exhausted- I felt and looked like shit. I remember it taking us 4 hours on Christmas day to get to my mum's 15 minutes away with a ten day old baby as getting ready and out was such a shock to the system!
You may feel different though!

londonrach · 10/01/2016 08:05

Dsis made it to my wedding with 4 day old!!!! They travelled over 2 hours to get there but had special cot for car and were staying at my parents with everything set up. We had plans set up including knowing she was unlikely to come. Didnt expect her at all but try and stop her. My dsis is amazing person. The clash of the pregnancy and wedding was something we couldnt rearrange sadly as my mum and gran were very ill at the time along with other reasons. It was lovely to see her and meet baby as it made the wedding extra special. She only made it to the service which was amazing effect!!!! The other guests eat her and my bil meal at the breakfast so wasnt wasted. Personally if bride is happy to leave space for you id let them know nearer the time.

Solasum · 10/01/2016 08:07

If you will have a room in the hotel you can escape to at any point, that makes it much more doable. With such a tiny baby you would be perfectly able to keep them strapped to you or DH at all times, so no need for people to touch her. With a comfy chair at the reception and bf friendly dress, it might be fine. Reserve judgement until baby arrives though.

BirdInTheRoom · 10/01/2016 08:07

I was a full two weeks overdue with all my DC...

With DC2 I planned to go to a friends wedding a 1.5 hour drive away two weeks after he was born. However, when it came to it, I had to cancel as I had had a c section, bfing was going badly, and he had lost weight so I was quite stressed.

Having said that, if things hadn't been going badly, I would definitely have gone for a bit of the wedding - ceremony & meal perhaps.

rookiemere · 10/01/2016 08:09

My friend was at my wedding when their DD was 4 weeks old - it was hard for them.

You may also be overdue so there is a chance baby will be a lot younger than 2 weeks.

I think for your friend's sake and yours it might be easier to say no at this stage so she is able to sort out her table and room numbers, but tell her you will try to make it along to the ceremony. That way you could drive there with the baby stay for a short period of time, then maybe stop somewhere on the way back with all 3 of you.

We had to do a long trip when DS was 4 weeks old for a funeral sadly, and the actual travelling was a lot easier than I expected as DS mostly slept in the car.

I'd have hated trying to squeeze myself into a nice outfit and been sociable at a wedding at that point.

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