To wince at people who have homebirths?

[TheCatsMeow]

I never used to, I used to say that everyone should have the birth they want and mean it. But my birth went wrong and I ended up with a baby who would have died had it not been for NICU. If we had been at home, he wouldn't have survived and I may not have.

Every time I hear someone say they want a homebirth my head screams "YOU'RE BEING IRRESPONSIBLE". I get visions of myself and my son lying dead. It frightens me and every time I see a woman who is pregnant I think "I hope they both survive". I don't say any of this unless someone asks and then I just say that I ended up with complications so was greatful to not be at home.

But I feel like people are risking themselves and their babies and it makes me uncomfortable. I think IABU but don't know how to deal with my feelings on this. Please don't be harsh.

I've had two home births, we researched things carefully and made the decision to go for the safest option for us. I don't know how that can have been irresponsible?
For low risk pregnancies and subsequent babies, home births are statistically safer.
I think in your case, the thing that stands out to me is that you were ignored during your labour. That is something that is less likely to happen with a home birth, so it's impossible to compare what happened to you in hospital with what may have happened at home, because the chances are you'd have been transferred in as soon as any problems started.
I'm so sorry you had the traumatic experience you did, but I think your feelings about home birth are misplaced.

I hope you get to the bottom of what went wrong. Hospital births carry different risks to homebirths. Im not sure those risks are always explained beforehand to women?

I'm sorry for your experience

I would never have a home birth as I work in a level 3 NICU and see too much of what can go wrong unfortunately.
But I understand that these cases are extremely rare and thats just my personal feelings,
If somebody wants a home birth then thats totally their decision.

Mind you, i suppose they are not going to tell you they are understaffed, so no 1:1 midwife care, concerns therefore ignored, traces not read, etc

I've yet to meet anyone that wanted and planned a home birth who actually had one.

It's not for me. Stillbirth is part of my reality too (although my DD had died prior to labour so technically birth venue wasn't relevant); however the naivety and arrogance of 'something like that would never happen to me' must form some part of a persons decision to have a home birth.

Saying that, I do know of some people who have been advised to prepare for a home birth due to very quick previous labours; in those cases I respect their decisions more as they know to contact a mw at the first sign of labour so there's a plan in place just in case.

For me, it's the mums who plan a home birth because they don't like the feel of a hospital - or feel that it unnecessarily makes birth a medical event etc etc - that I find it hard to empathise with. Birth can be tricky and dangerous, no matter how blinkered you choose to be. If you eschew the facilities a hospital has, and something during labour goes awry, it's not fair to assume that you'll get blue lighted to hospital straight away and then, if there's a delay, complain.

I ended up with severe PTSD after my birth. DD was fine, but it was very traumatic and I ended up with multiple severe injuries for which I have needed several major operations. The utter incredulity with which I would look at women who had more than one child or were pregnant with their second is now astounding to me, but at the time was absolutely natural and was part of the trauma. I literally could not process how anyone was either physically or psychologically able to have a second baby. Never mind a third or a fourth. Or I would look at a pregnant woman and just feel utterly sick at what was about to happen to her, i.e. give birth.

Having had trauma therapy, which has helped enormously, I now do realise that it is actually quite usual for women to decide to have another baby and to successfully do so. It's not going to be for me, unfortunately, but I can position that as something to do with my own experience and what happened to me, not as something that is inherently wrong with the world. If that makes sense?

It is still such early days for you - 5 months is nothing. Processing this takes time and you may very well need help. Can I suggest that you get some counselling set up to help you before you have your debrief? You may find it helpful, but you may also find it brings up a lot of stuff that is very hard to cope with on your own and that having some support already in place may help you. I wasn't entitled to a debrief, so I wrote to the hospital. I found their response very very upsetting. Although I didn't have counselling set up at that time (really wish I had!), my utterly wonderful surgeon discussed my notes and their letters with me and helped me through it.

XX

I realise that there is always an element of risk with a home birth, but there is risk with everything in life. Going to hospital doesn't reduce it to zero.
I have had two home births, after having DC1 in hospital.
Pregnancies were low risk, I was healthy. It was my choice. Importantly (and this might make the most difference), I didn't feel anxious about it - in fact I really wanted it. I had a named midwife with a second one on call to show up for the birth. I am 12 mins drive from Addenbrookes hospital/Rosie maternity (Cambridge), probably 8-10 mins if blue lighted.

My care plan had an agreement that if the midwife thought I should transfer to hospital, I would go straight away.
It was all fine both times.

Of the people who I personally know who have had stillbirths (small sample size of 4), they were all hospital births.

Much love to everyone on this thread, and who is reading and hasn't posted, whose babies have died. XXXX

It's not really fair to say that women are being selfish or taking unnecessary risks by having a home birth.

First 2 were in hospital, and I was left to it for a good 15 hours with my first. No one noticed problems and DS heart rate dropped so low, he came out blue and needed resuscitation (after nearly 2 hours of pushing and almost off to theatre). Second hospital one not amazing either (in terms of being left to it).

I am going for a home birth this time. I asked my midwife whether I was putting myself or my baby at risk by being at home, she said no way. She said it was safer at home than in hospital, and you have 2 dedicated midwives with you the whole time, one for the mum and one for the baby.

They won't do a home birth unless everything is perfect. Baby has to be in the right position, everything has to be 'normal', no high risk pregnancies at all. Their threshold for getting you to hospital is very very low, so any sign of distress for mum or baby will be picked up straight away.

My midwife has attended many many home births, and they require less intervention, less pain relief, and are often much better experiences. Do I wonder if my DS would have survived had I had a home birth? No. I think, if i HAD had a home birth, at least they would have noticed babies heart rate plummeting because I would have been monitored more carefully and closely and not been left to it.

You have no idea what could happen whether in the hospital or at home. There is no higher risk at home.

I can't wait to be at home with my family for those first moments after baby is delivered. I can't wait for that first wash in my own bath, and not to spend hours or even overnight waiting to be checked out of hospital. I can't wait to snuggle with my newborn in my own bed.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience, but please don't think women who choose a home birth are being in any way selfish or are risking their babies lives.

Everyone wants the best outcome; healthy mum and baby. This can be at home or in hospital, whatever is best for the mum to be x

Toria I am the same, in that I don't feel especially safe in hospital either, and don't like anything about the environment.
Also, getting to hospital by car while in labour is one of the most awful experiences I have ever had.

Its not just unfair, its also untrue

I think there crazy and risking theirs and the baby's life personally

As if it goes wrong , and wrong fast there up the creek without a paddle.

I just dot understand why in this day & age people would take the risk

Carrie I hope it goes exactly as you imagine. The bath and snuggly bits are truly amazing and the whole family is able to bond with the new baby straight away.

My DC3 was born at 7pm with DCs 1 and 2 downstairs with DH. We had the most amazing hour on the sofa all together with new baby brother before they went off to bed. Everyone was so happy.

Because it is no more risky, salene?

I would think someone having their first baby at home was borderline irresponsible (sometimes though it's more about them being delusional about what a spiritual experience it will be - and I say that as someone who had very smooth labours), simply because you have no idea what your body does in labour, how you will cope with it etc etc.

However, I think if you had a normal birth first time, it came out vaginally and paved the way for subsequent babies, then assuming scans, positioning all came back normal for later pregnancies, I would be very supportive of anyone wanting a home birth.

""On another note I just don't get the appeal. Like tidying up etc? Especially with the pool... Where does the water go? Who washes up all the towels etc""

As said, it was my DD that had a HB, me and her DP were her Birth Partners.

We were advised to have towels, and a sieve.

The MW offered us the placenta, we didn't realise that she would do this and later regretted not 'planting' it in the garden. I scooped out any chunky bits and the MW bagged it for her to take away. One MW was settling DD and my GD for their first goes at BF.

Then I used the pump supplied with the pool to empty it, it goes straight into the drain and then I cleaned it.

Her DP returned it when they went to register the Birth, at the same hospital.

Your own Anti Natal MW does a house inspection to see if a Pool HB is possible.

Hi grumpysquash2 - thank you x

I'm under no illusion that it might not go according to plan, but I really really hope that it does. Your home birth sounds just perfect

""I think there crazy and risking theirs and the baby's life personally ""
""I would think someone having their first baby at home was borderline irresponsible ""

That's not the opinion of MWs and Consulants, though.

in the nicest possible way yabu.

I had a fab home birth with dd1.

dd2 on the other hand was in hospital and id not trust that place to deliver a parcel let alone a baby. biggest regret of my life so far was to walk through those hospital doors.

I'm. sorry you had such a scary experience. but don't ever think your safer in a hospital.

depends on so many things

I didn't have much too clean up. A plastic sheet over the bed, a couple of pads and a couple of sheets to go in the washing machine. The midwife took the placenta away.

YABU in rural Scotland, the hospital I would have been expected to give birth in didn't have any specialist facilities - if anything went wrong, I would have been blue lighted to the nearest big city hospital. So giving birth at home meant I had 2 dedicated midwives present & I was as close to specialist support as if I had been in hospital, but with a level of care meaning I was far less likely to need intervention.

Not everyone lives in cities near specialist facilities so we make choices in that context and you are wrong to wince at those choices

My first birth was easy, a very straightforward labour and delivery in hospital. The second time around, my midwife encouraged me to consider homebirth. If I had have chosen to have my second baby at home, neither she nor I would be here today.

That doesn't mean I think nobody should have a homebirth. My stomach does drop when someone tells me they're going to have one, but that's because of my experience. I know two women who successfully had their babies at home. It's a very personal choice.

I am the opposite. I wince at anyone who actively chooses to give birth in our local hospital.

When I was in labour with my twins I was sent home three times despite the fact I was told constantly I'd need extra monitoring with it being twins. When they eventually conceded that I was in labour the room they took me too was disgusting. My Nana ended up cleaning various parts of it because it was so grim. We were left alone most of the time and ex had to shout for a midwife because they were so short staffed I genuinely feared I'd be delivering DD1 with my Nana and ex's help. There was only 1 midwife in the room when DD1 was born despite being told there would be two and a obs because it was twins. I'm still not unconvinced that DD2's issues are not partly because of the issues around her birth.

When I got to the post-natal ward they put me in my own room - and promptly forgot about me. You had to go for food (all meals), but no-one told me. You also had to take the baby with you, I was yelled on arrival on the ward that under no circumstances was I to put the babies in the same fishbowl - how the fuck was I supposed to wheel two of them and carry my food? I was in for 4 days and there was NO cleaning done in my room at all, except when I cleaned up blood on the floor. My complaint to that hospital took four pages and PALS were horrified and ended up taking action on things that came out in our conversation that I hadn't even complained about because they were minor in comparison.

My first homebirth was calm and relaxed. I had one-to-one care for one midwife whilst in labour and the second arrived in good time for the birth. They only had me to look after, they weren't dashing about like headless chickens, and they weren't supposed to have finished their shift four hours ago. The ambulance station can be seen from my house and they'd have called for extra intervention at a much earlier stage. I feel they were way, way more vigilant because of the short journey that would be involved.

With my second homebirth we almost had to transfer to hospital because of a potential issue, but it was fine. I'm not at all convinced that the potential issue would have been picked up in hospital as I'd have probably been by myself in a room somewhere whilst the staff ran around like blue arsed flies because their numbers have been cut.

Bomba

I just don't understand how they can't be more risky though. If something goes wrong & you need operated on immediately which does happen, I know some one who had a huge bleed & nearly died on operating table

So say they had been at home 20/30 minutes from hospital..??