To wince at people who have homebirths?

[TheCatsMeow]

I never used to, I used to say that everyone should have the birth they want and mean it. But my birth went wrong and I ended up with a baby who would have died had it not been for NICU. If we had been at home, he wouldn't have survived and I may not have.

Every time I hear someone say they want a homebirth my head screams "YOU'RE BEING IRRESPONSIBLE". I get visions of myself and my son lying dead. It frightens me and every time I see a woman who is pregnant I think "I hope they both survive". I don't say any of this unless someone asks and then I just say that I ended up with complications so was greatful to not be at home.

But I feel like people are risking themselves and their babies and it makes me uncomfortable. I think IABU but don't know how to deal with my feelings on this. Please don't be harsh.

I had a home birth, not for the 'experience' but because it was the safest option for me.
I have very quick births, the hospital is about 40 minutes away on a good day. On the day of my baby's birth the traffic was gridlocked ,I would have had to deliver my baby in the car at the side of the road with no assistance. As it was I had a straightforward birth at home with 2 midwives present.
You just have to make the best assessment possible. Of course no one can predict exactly how any birth can go, you just have to go on the information you have.Sadly births can go wrong both at home or in hospital. There is still an element of risk for both mother and baby and, there probably always will be.

Well I had my baby at local midwife unit no doctors or NICU. Same distance if I needed to be rushed in. Actually think the ambulance depot place is closer to my house than the little hospital, so really, it was more irresponsible having my baby there.

But just look at the stats- home births have as good outcomes for low risk, second and subsequent births. And they greatly increase the chances of a normal birth.

Many end up regretting home birth

Where is your evidence for this Math?

I've had two hospital births and two home births (DD2&3) the home births were the best. I had the undivided attention of two experienced midwives who knew me and my family.

I am very sorry for your own traumatic experience

I had two HB. In the first, if I had been in hospital I would have ended up with an induction or a c-section (it took too long for the local hospital's timeframes). It was a lovely uneventful birth with a very experienced mw in attendance.

For the second, I would most likely have had it in the car. I called the mw on the off chance as she was coming from far, I would not have gone to hospital before she arrived, and the baby was born less than 20 minutes later. The hospital was a good 35-40 minutes away.

So for me, in both cases having them at home was less risky.

OTOH, I accept a level of risk for a higher quality of life. So does anyone who gets around a car, btw. There are risks involved in all the choices we make, and making every choice based on minimising the maximum potential regret is a recipe for living a really shit life.

My dc have done considerably more dangerous things than being born at home. They ski, rock climb, ride bikes and get taken on holiday by car on the motorway, all of which are more likely to end up in them being dead than being born at home was.

I have to agree with others that this is more about your own experience and coming to terms with what happened to you.

After having my first two DC in hospital I decided to have a homebirth with my 3rd baby, it was a wonderful experience with two MW in attendance and the ambulance on call if I needed. 2.5 years later I was planning another homebirth with baby number 4 but sadly he died at 37 weeks before being born in hospital 3 days later, and among so many other feelings was the one that said "what if he had been born alive and died at home, how could I live with that".

So when I became pregnant again I wanted monitoring and a hospital birth, which thankfully was trauma free - well except it was emotionally draining.

But, despite this happening to me I don't put people off having a homebirth. For some people it is the right choice and as long as they are not planning on doing it alone and have full support of their health team, I don't have a problem with it. Sadly babies can die and labour can be traumatic wherever you are, there is always a risk.

It's good that you are having a debrief and can get help to cope with the trauma you went through.

Yes, i quite often think that about women having babies in hospital these days. Dont they know how understaffed they are? About the risks? I really feel sorry for pregnant women now. The nhs is a mess, maternity care especially. But i dont say anything either. What can you say?? It would just make them more anxious.
Wrt homebirths, i guess you know already that they are statistically as safe as hospital births for subsequent births (low risk pregnancies) but i can imagine you would find it hard to 'believe' because of your own birth experience. I've heard too many hospital birth nightmare stories to have confidence in a hospital birth. We're both projecting though as they have v similar safety records (uk in general is not v good for childbirth safety compared to many other western countries)

I have had 2 hospital births and 2 homebirths.
The homebirths were very heavily suggested to me both by my GP and by my midwife.
Statistically speaking low risk multiparous women are safer having homebirths than hospital births, i spent plenty of time reseqrching the evidence ( i was a scientific researcher at the time and my DH is a doctor).
For us though the most compelling reason is that we love semi rurally, 30 minutes from the hospital at the fastest of times, nearer and hour when it is busy.
I have very rapid labours ( eg first contraction to birth of DS2 was 75 minutes, and it takes a little while for me to be certain i am in labour, given that first contraction was not followed by another for 10 minutes, and we would have needed to get someone in to look after the others ) the greatest risk to my unborn children would have been me giving birth to them in the layby at the side of the A1 that leads to the local hospital.

im sorry you had a traumatic experience, but i had two homebirths and one hospital birth. I actually felt much safer at my homebirths because my midwife was with me constantly actually looking after me, and also another midwife for the baby for the last bit of labour.
At my hospital birth I was barely checked on from one hour to the next. It was a shit.
If anything had started to go wrong at my homebirth it would have been picked a hell of a lot quicker than at my hospital birth, and I lived 5 minutes from the hospital, and an ambulance could have come and got me and taken me there by the time it took to get to theatre. Babies die in hospital births too unfortunately, The scary alien environment can lead to increased drugs, and a cascade of intervention which might not have happened if the woman wasnt so stressed - not to mention the amount of hospital (intended) deliveries that have happened in the car park or in the corridor or at home anyway because they were not allowed in till the last minute. Its not some cosy safe space anymore.
Things can go wrong anywhere, but I was safe and looked after at home, and so were my babies

Yanbu for your feelings but yabu to apply it to others.
I had a home birth planned. I didn't get it due to problems occuring but my midwife was incredibly efficient at ringing the ambulance and we were only five minutes from a hospital.
I would go for a home birth again.
I hate hospitals. The thought of being at home made me calmer even though I ended up in hospital. If I'd planned a hospital birth I would have been a terrified mess.

I think you know you are being a bit unreasonable but your feelings are understandable given your experience.

I had a complication during my first birth which would have resulted in an emergency dash to hospital if I had been at home. I started off in a midwife led unit but was transferred to consultant care on the main labour unit after the baby arrived- emergency surgery and a lot of blood loss. However I can honestly say that the subsequent night on an old fashioned 7-bed post natal ward was the worst night of my entire life and about the worst start to parenthood I could have got.

I went on to have my second at home with no complications but with trust that the professional and experienced midwives would have got me to hospital pretty fast if either the baby or I were showing signs of distress. Despite a small additional risk, given my history, the midwives were more than happy for me to do this. It wasn't a decision I took lightly. For me it was perfect, and being at home and able to sleep in my own bed afterwards, with my family there for support was so fantastic that it more than outweighed a negligible increase in risk.

I understand that homebirths generally have lower levels of intervention and are also lower cost to the nhs. And while for many women, hospital is absolutely the right choice, for others it really isnt! It's hard to depersonalise things when you have just been through a traumatic experience, especially one as emotive (and hormonal! ) as birth. But if the risk to the mother and baby was really increased by magnitudes I'm sure the medical professionals would be more discouraging of home births- it would be negligent not to try to dissuade women.

I never thought I'd be a fan of home births. My first was born in hospital and I had an epidural. It was a relatively straight forward birth but the post natal ward and after care was so hideous it was the thing I was least looking forward to with DC2. That pregnancy was under the care of a wonderful midwife service who were pro home births but did not push them. However I knew if I changed my mind I could have a home birth. I never thought I would though and planned to go to hospital. dC2 had a different idea though and came so quickly I ended up giving birth at home. It was the most wonderful experience. I completely trusted the two midwives and did exactly what they told me. Within 2.5 hours my, baby and husband were tucked up in bed with cups of tea made by the midwives :) I think perhaps because I live in London and know how quickly I can get to a hospital in an ambulance I wasn't panicking too much. But I am now a huge advocate of home births if the right midwife care is available.

I had a home birth first time round.
I had an emergency caesarean second time with twins, one of which died.
Even though I was now a higher risk as it was a HVBAC I infinitely preferred to be at home for number 4 DC/number 3 birth.

I hated being in hospital and did not want to go back for birth 3. In my circumstances I obviously had a debriefing and DT1 death was not due to being in hospital.

Please have your debrief and see how you feel after.
I felt a lot more confident at home with 2 dedicated MWs rather than in hospital where they did handover during my early onset labour leaving me to hold onto twin monitors!

Sorry you had such a bad experience - that is of course likely to influence how you feel. For me, my first birth was quick - less than 3 hours. My midwife felt it highly likely number 2 would be very quick, and that the risk of having either an unplanned homebirth or a delivery en route to hospital was high. She felt the safest option for me would be a homebirth, and indeed Dd was born in well under an hour, and I would have given birth in the car had I attempted to get to hospital.

There are risks in every birth and it's about weighing those risks up. What I think is interesting is that had something gone wrong, there is no doubt that others (and probably I) would have blamed myself for having a homebirth - even if no one else said so to my face. Conversely, had something happened in hospital I don't think that blame would have been there - at least not from others. I wonder if this is an (albeit unconcious) factor in mothers opting for a hospital birth - despite knowing the risks are statistically greater.

I had my first child in hospital as a water birth. It was great - only gas and air and about 6 hours from first pain to birth.

I had my second child at home unintentionally. I wasn't scared it I just think how lucky we were that everything was fine. Paramedics helped and midwives turned up about 15 minutes after baby was born. Again, I feel lucky. I'm not having any more kids but if I did, it would be hospital all the way! I would have loved another water birth to be honest.

You're not being unreasonable to feel however you feel. Your experiences are bound to have an influence on you. I'm sorry your experience wasn't good - and I think you're right to say that not being listened to about your concerns was a risk factor in itself. There was some recent publicity about how often that does cause issues, it was specifically linked to still birth in the recent media about it - but it's a wider ranging problem for women in labour I think.

But your feelings aren't backed up by the evidence. For low risk births in the UK, when women have had antenatal care from qualified birth professionals birth outcomes are very similar in all three of our settings (home, midwife led centres or hospital). There is a slight increase in risk for first babies, but for second or subsequent babies it's 'safer' to choose home or a birth centre (as in same risk of serious negative outcomes as hospital, but less chance of less significant poor outcomes like tearing).

Midwives carry medical supplies and are trained to deal with resuscitation (and don't forget that in nearly all cases babies will be receiving oxygenated blood from the placenta if the cord is left intact while they're worked on), haemorrhage and other emergency situations.

This isn't always the case in other countries though, the qualified attendant and antenatal care seem to be what makes the difference - so in some US states where midwives may not always have the same levels of training, may not be linked into a wider medical network so can have difficulties in transferring or women may skip antenatal care to save money outcomes can be very different to ours.

Birthplace in England Study

Oh and I gave birth 2 weeks ago. Home would have been much better for me (I ummed and aahed and decided against as first baby). Labour was v quick and I ended up travelling to hospital during transition (torment) and enduring triage assessment while wanting to push (absolute torture). Every one is different.

i agree with some of the others. its sad that you had a difficult time. but woman who have home births should not feel bad about having them. as they feel its right for them and their baby. same as woman who have babys in hospital feel that way to.

i have had 2 home births and going to have a 3rd. they both went well. first home birth i gave birth alone. sort of anyway. but it was still ace. the 2nd birth at home midwifes were there this time. and it was fantastic. for me i really hate hospital births. but i would never advice someone not to have a hospital birth

You're projecting your birth onto everyone else and that is U, however I do hope that your debrief will help you get some perspective and help you overcome whatever psychological trauma the experience has left you with.

Personally I like to give birth to my babies in the safest place possible for them and for me. Evidence shows that this is at home (after the first one). My pregnancies were low risk. I live within easy reach of a hospital. I too wince at people, but I wince at those who are ignorant of the facts and think they/ their babies are safer in hospital when it's not the case. Like another poster I feel that prioritising your own unfounded anxieties without researching the facts about safety is a selfish thing to do, and like you I feel that they are being irresponsible, but also like you OP I would never say that in RL. Each must make their own decisions and my personal opinion isn't relevant to anyone else.

For what it's worth, if you were being monitored by CTG in your labour this suggests you had risk factors which would mean that you wouldn't have been eligible for a homebirth anyway? So the 'my baby wouldn't have survived if we'd been at home' school of thought probably isn't relevant to your case, as even if you'd started at home your midwife would have had you into the hospital the minute things deviated from absolutely normal. You'd have had your baby there anyway.

Regarding the cleaning up - the midwives do it, after they've made you tea & toast and tucked you up in your nice clean bed with your baby & partner.

I had home birth with dc2. Dc1 was nearly an unplanned home birth due to fast labour and overcrowding in my hospital which meant they kept saying to stay at home. Patronising MW on the phone saying "I know it hurts but try and last out longer at home" and at the same time I felt I was ready to push I was like "FUCK IT IM COMING IN". It delayed the birth as if if had a home birth first time round I would have had him about an hour earlier.

With dc2, too many of my friends were doing a merry dance back and forth to hospital to be told they needed to go home. I even knew of one baby born in an ambulance on a main road after being sent back from hospital. If you could just check into the mlu when you know you're definitely in labour and be left to it it would be fine but you have to be in 'established labour' which for me I wouldn't have known when that was and birth could have followed quite quickly after.

So for me an unplanned home birth was the worst of all worlds whereas a planned home birth meant I got 2 mw support and can transfer to hospital any time I like (10mins by ambulance).

First birth was quite traumatic, just used tens. Second time round I had a pool for pain relief and g&a to help with delivering the head. It was much more pleasant. Oh and I didn't tear despite having very big babies. First time round I did because I'd lost control and was in a feedback loop of panic and pain grimly focussing on getting through delivery in a primal unthinking way.

Second time round being relaxed and using the pool made it much easier to be in control and deal with contraction pains positively and productively.It was such a strange feeling lying around in my own living room in a big paddling pool. Pain free and chilling out waiting for another contraction.

Anyhow to get back to your question. Why choose that. Well it wasn't for some wiffle waffle "lovely experience". It was a medically sound decision based on my first birth experience. I'm similar to my dm who also had 2 home births.

I'm not going to preach my philosophy of natural delivery and active labour to you. I think medical intervention a wonderful thing and support it where necessary. I think there's too many women now who are forced into a cascade of interventions and the awful experience of crash sections. You sound like someone for wohm medical intervention was a necessity come what may.

Btw If you read up you'll find out that home birth is statistically safer. And there's tonnes of write up of all that can go wrong in hospital births, particularly due to over stretched MWs and crowded labour wards.But I understand that based on your experiences it sounds like a risky gamble.

I echo what others say about getting a proper debrief. Try the NCT if you not getting any help from the NHS. Given what you've been through it sounds like you're at risk from PND.

I hope you can come to terms with your experience soon

For what it's worth, if you were being monitored by CTG in your labour this suggests you had risk factors which would mean that you wouldn't have been eligible for a homebirth anyway?

I had severe pains throughout my pregnancy, threatened early labour, hypermobility and a back to back baby. I was told I was still classed as low risk just not the lowest risk

I agree as you just don't know what could happen. It just seems an unnecessary risk really but like you I wouldn't say it to someone.

As I had PE I expect my labour would've gone very differently without being in hospital. A scary thought, but I don't think it helps to dwell on that.

YABU. Just because you didn't have a natural, normal birth doesn't mean the rest of us need to be in a hospital. Millions of women around the world manage fine every day thank you very much. You are projecting your own issues on to others. I have had 2 home births. How did I know to choose this? Because birth is not a medical procedure. There is no need to be in hospital unless you or your baby are at high risk.

I had a home birth with my first baby (no plans for another child) I have never felt so relaxed and safe, and I have always been a stressy type. I felt much more in control. My labour was quick and the midwives sat around drinking tea and eating biscuits whilst keeping a close eye on me.

I never doubted my choice to have my baby at home. Hospitals are very stressful for me and don't make me feel safe at all.

Obviously if I had to have been taken in I would have gone, but being at home meant I stayed relaxed and focused. It was an amazing experience that I look back on with great happiness.

YABU for projecting your feelings on others. I would never judge a woman's choice where to birth her baby. But I hope you get some help to deal with your feelings. My sister had a traumatic hospital birth, and feels traumatised by it.