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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wince at people who have homebirths?

576 replies

TheCatsMeow · 09/01/2016 20:30

I never used to, I used to say that everyone should have the birth they want and mean it. But my birth went wrong and I ended up with a baby who would have died had it not been for NICU. If we had been at home, he wouldn't have survived and I may not have.

Every time I hear someone say they want a homebirth my head screams "YOU'RE BEING IRRESPONSIBLE". I get visions of myself and my son lying dead. It frightens me and every time I see a woman who is pregnant I think "I hope they both survive". I don't say any of this unless someone asks and then I just say that I ended up with complications so was greatful to not be at home.

But I feel like people are risking themselves and their babies and it makes me uncomfortable. I think IABU but don't know how to deal with my feelings on this. Please don't be harsh.

OP posts:
tobysmum77 · 12/01/2016 09:52

As an aside I am horrified at the implication that any labouring woman can be accused of 'hogging' a midwife. All women in labour should have a midwife with them regardless of where they birth. Unfortunately hospital care is often really poor and this doesn't always happen. It doesn't mean that aiming for shite care for all is a good thing.

LumelaMme · 12/01/2016 12:33

God, it's like homebirth myth bingo. Every time the same crap.
Indeed.

AliceScarlett · 12/01/2016 22:25

This is one of the most interesting threads I've ever read Shock at the beginning I was 99% ECS, now I'm considering a HB. But it will be my 1st so I know its not NiCE recommended.

Does anyone know the rates of tearing compared to HB vs hospital/MLU? The 2 MLUs my area have a good 20% difference in tearing that needed stitches...how can that be?

tibbawyrots · 12/01/2016 22:37

Haven't read the thread but I was born at home in 1969 - face presentation - and nearly died, was born bruised and my daughter was born in hospital in 1996 - and had the cord round her neck. It's to do with the people around you who deal with a problem; not where you have the child.

Breadwidow · 12/01/2016 22:59

I confess I haven't read all 15 pages of this thread so it may have been mentioned somewhere, but it's important to consider what helps get the oxytocin going so you can labour as nature intended - feeling safe, low light, being as relaxed as poss. Hospital settings may be important for some for feeling safe but strip lighting / medical environment can interfere with being relaxed and this may be the reason why studies show home births have better outcomes for low risk women.

I had a long drawn out hospital birth with DS. Wanted a home birth but had to be induced as went so overdue (then I had in suctioned delayed twice due to the hospital being overloaded). I knew I wanted things to go more naturally with DD, but planned to go to midwife led unit, I didn't feel up for attempting home birth then (also fancied water birth and current flat cannot really accommodate birth pool as would risk collapse of floor!), but nature had other plans and I ended up having unplanned homebirth, only DH there. It was scary, particularly the wait for midwives. However if I have a third I will definitely opt for a home birth - the unplanned bit was scary but being at home great, so much more comfortable. Also midwife told me they'd advise a home birth due to my very fast labour with DD - if I try to get to hospital I would risk giving birth in transit which would be much more dangerous. So for me, if I have another baby I would be following medical advice to give birth at home.

ReallyTired · 13/01/2016 04:09

"Does anyone know the rates of tearing compared to HB vs hospital/MLU? The 2 MLUs my area have a good 20% difference in tearing that needed stitches...how can that be?"

I have no idea of how rates of tearing compare. All I would say is that with a homebirth you get two very experienced midwives. A MLU might have a newly qualified midwife looking after 4 women during the first stage. In hospital they often like you to push the baby out quickly. At home there is less time pressure and you can push when your body wants to. A calm birth environment makes for a less painful birth. I suggest you look at the use of self hypnosis techniques and active birth. Supported kneeling is a really good birthing position.

"Haven't read the thread but I was born at home in 1969 - face presentation - and nearly died, was born bruised and my daughter was born in hospital in 1996 - and had the cord round her neck. It's to do with the people around you who deal with a problem; not where you have the child."

The fact you are here shows that the midwife coped in 1969. A community midwife can cope with a cord wrapped around a baby's neck. Midwives are very skilled people.

AliceScarlett · 13/01/2016 08:06

In hospital they often like you to push the baby out quickly.

What the actual fuck? Ugh.

Fourormore · 13/01/2016 08:46

Its not necessarily the case that you get two experienced midwives with a home birth. I had one experienced and a student last time. I'm expecting to get the same this time too. I don't know if hospital births in my area are the same (it's a teaching hospital). The student did fine except for saying "Often the stitches hurt more than the birth!" in a chirpy tone as I was sat legs akimbo for them to check for tears. Thank god I hadn't torn!

aurynne · 13/01/2016 09:16

I very much doubt it is even legal to "count" a midwifery student as a midwife for a home birth! Certainly not in New Zealand, where two registered midwives must be present, and I seriously doubt it is legal in the UK either. Fourormore, I would investigate what happened at your HB. The presence of 2 midwives is a must, especially in emergencies or if both the baby and mum need help after the birth.

BombadierFritz · 13/01/2016 09:24

I know a few trainee mw. One had delivered several babies by herself in her first year of training - hospital births, bet the parents never even knew. Its absolutely not supposed to happen but thats how understaffed they are. One reason why you wouldnt get me in a hospital for labour again. Hb here you get to meet the mw team and 'your' mw is on call for you

Fourormore · 13/01/2016 09:27

I don't feel the need to investigate. I trust my community midwife team. As I said in a previous post, they despatched two teams to me. One lot left as they didn't need two midwives and two students with me. I'm confident that their policy is legal.
Others are free to do so if they have the time and inclination of course.

Fourormore · 13/01/2016 09:27

Yes a trainee by herself would be worrying.

ReallyTired · 13/01/2016 09:37

Student midwives do deliver babies while they are training, but the are under supervision. How else would they learn? In a hospital there are other midwives on hand to help the student if they are unsure. The nhs would not dispatch a student midwife on her own to a home birth. It's just too much of a risk. Students do attend home births and even deliver babies at home under supervision.

In my experience hospitals do not like it if the second stage lasts longer than two hours. The practice of women lying on their backs makes the second stage harder.

ReallyTired · 13/01/2016 09:40

I expect the second midwife and her student arrived too late. I only had one midwife for the second stage in hospital, the second one put her head around the door and didn't even come in the room. With my homebirth the second midwife didn't make it in time.

BombadierFritz · 13/01/2016 09:41

It would be nice to think that was how it goes, reallytired, but it isnt, at least in my friends case and she cant be an isolated case. There was no supervision. Understaffing meant she just had to get on with it.

Fourormore · 13/01/2016 09:42

Students do attend home births and even deliver babies at home under supervision.

Which is entirely reasonable. I delivered my second baby myself, DH delivered my third. That's what I liked about my home births - the midwives were hands off and let me and my body do its thing.

Fourormore · 13/01/2016 09:44

In my case, ReallyTired? No, they despatched both to me at 8am. Baby born just before 12pm.

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 13/01/2016 09:51

Actually, for my hospital birth, I had a 'team' of MWs who I saw for ante-natal clinics, one of them was at the birth, and it was the same MWs who came for post-natal checks too. It was a good system, as it gave the continuity of care that I think is missing in some areas. My MW had met me in a 'normal' situation before she saw me in labour and I had met her before too.

I'm not sure how common this is though, I had moved areas by the time I was pregnant with #2 and it's a different system here. The only time I saw my named MW was when she came to my house to deliver the birth box and tell me the situations where I would need to transfer to hospital. I had never met the MW who attended my HB (only one MW because DS arrived quickly, 15 minutes before the MW got there!).

TheGreenNinja · 13/01/2016 10:01

With my HBs, I knew the midwife who came for dc2, she was my community midwife and was lovely. (As a PP said though, she didn't 'deliver' him as such, it was a water birth, so I caught him and brought him up and cuddled him for 15-20 minutes while the cord stopped pulsating, before anyone else even touched him.)
With my second HB, I had midwives I hadn't met before because my community MW was already out attending someone. They only arrived 15 minutes before the baby was born so had little time to get to know them, and again it was a very hands-off birth.

Peregrina · 13/01/2016 10:08

I was supposed to have a student at my HB too, but in the end things happened so quickly there was no time to stop to call her. They tried to have each student attend at least one HB before qualifying - they were people nearly qualified as far as I remember, not first or second year students.

MrsHathaway · 13/01/2016 10:41

With my hb the second midwife arrived in plenty of time but the student was literally ninety seconds too late - she did get to see her first physiological third stage though and assist with getting a stubborn little boy to breathe properly!

SnozzberryMincePie · 13/01/2016 14:45

Re. Tearing rates at homebirths... I believe you are less likely to tear if you have a waterbirth, which you are more likely to get at home if you provide your own pool than in hospital where someone else might be using it. Also I would imagine you are more likely to tear if you are coached to push rather than being allowed to follow your body's cues (in my hospital birth I had midwives shouting 'push' whereas at home I just told them when I was pushing). Finally you are more likely to need forceps or ventouse in hospital which would likely need an episiotomy.

AliceScarlett · 13/01/2016 15:08

Thanks Snozzberry that's really helpful. I'm going to do some serious research.

ReallyTired · 13/01/2016 16:39

Reducing fear helps to prevent tearing. If you are all tense then you are more likely to tear and labour is generally more pain.

Educating yourself about childbirth maximises your chance of a good experience. However a lot of it is luck. If you do have a traumatic birth, its important not to blame yourself.

Bogeyface · 13/01/2016 17:22

I would always tell anyone, no matter where they are, "listen to the midwife". The time I didnt, I tore. Every since I have always listened to "push...pant..little push....little push..." etc because they dont want us to tear and they are trained in how to avoid it wherever possible. At the very least, a tear can be minimised simply by us doing as we are told!

That of course is assuming no enormous heads and no rushed births etc.