To wince at people who have homebirths?

[TheCatsMeow]

I never used to, I used to say that everyone should have the birth they want and mean it. But my birth went wrong and I ended up with a baby who would have died had it not been for NICU. If we had been at home, he wouldn't have survived and I may not have.

Every time I hear someone say they want a homebirth my head screams "YOU'RE BEING IRRESPONSIBLE". I get visions of myself and my son lying dead. It frightens me and every time I see a woman who is pregnant I think "I hope they both survive". I don't say any of this unless someone asks and then I just say that I ended up with complications so was greatful to not be at home.

But I feel like people are risking themselves and their babies and it makes me uncomfortable. I think IABU but don't know how to deal with my feelings on this. Please don't be harsh.

Iam, when you deliver at home you have ONE MW with you right up until she considers you are about to deliver. Then she phones the other one.

Meanwhile, you are not cluttering up a hospital bed.

And the evidence shows that for low risk women home births are safer for mother and child than those in hospital.

RTFT.

I had the attention one midwife for 3 hours when dd was born. For about one hour of that time I was in labour. The second midwife arrived twenty minutes after dd was born. One midwife stayed with me two hours after the birth. During that time she cleared up the mess and wrote up her notes. Infact I think she spent more time writing up her notes than she did delivering the baby.

I don't feel guilty for hogging one midwife for three hours. I had my first child in hospital and hogged a midwife for nearly seven hours because I had an epidural. I don't see why someone having a homebirth should feel any more guilty that someone who has an epidural because the pain is too much.

Homebirth was the safest option for my baby. Maybe IamlovedbyG thinks I should have given birth at the side of the road or in the back of a ambulance.

Homebirth scares me a bit. Just the thought that if something goes absolutely tits up that there will be a delay due to transfer - and that's with living 800m from my hospital. I'm 30 weeks at the moment and hoping to have my baby at the alongside birth centre/MLU there.

IME, as a 'high risk', hospital birth is not all that perfect. I think I would have been better off at home, but did not have the option. It was an uphill task to get them to admit me, then they shelved me for the day staff without telling me what was going on, with a very junior doctor who obviously was gaining experience in delivering twins. And no one read the notes - that was obviously the job of the day staff too. The doctors always have higher risk patients to deal with (or beds to sleep in in my case).

my home is quite small

You only need room for 1 or 2 extra people. And a bag.

IamG have you actually read the evidence on this? Fine, it's not for everyone and I think it's important that people are comfortable where they are. But evidence shows that your blanket view on this is just plain wrong.

IamG have you actually read the evidence on this?

i think not.

Fair enough. But it seems odd to me that women who opt for a low risk home birth get blamed for any adverse outcome, but people who opt for hospital don't. For example, in the case of an infection.

"Really, you knew how the birth was gonna go did you? ok........."

Why should my body fail me? I expect my arms and legs to work because they have worked well in the past. I think if you have given birth before then you have more confidence in your body. I know that my body is quite good at the mechanics of childbirth. I don't think that I would reach the hospital in time.

Midwives, doctors and the nhs supported me to have home birth because they knew it was safe.

I think anyone even considering a home birth has to be away with the fairies. Looks like a blanket view to me.

I just can't understand why anyone would put their baby at risk. It has already been explained that the risk is higher for hospital births for low risk situations.

And if there needs to be more than one midwife, meaning less of them at the hospital, well that's just a joke. It has already been explained this isn't the case.

"I just wouldn't choose a homebirth as I know if something went wrong I would never forgive myself"

Because you are working on the assumption that opting for an out of hospital birth increases the likelihood of your baby dying or being harmed?

It doesn't.

You are more likely to end up with a diagnosis of 'fetal distress' if you opt for a hospital birth.

How can you say it's "sadly true" when you yourself are perpetuating the myth that any mother who has a home birth is somehow being reckless with the care of herself and/or her baby.

They wouldn't be at the hospital because they are community midwives. One doesn't really affect the other than frees up midwives at the hospital as you are one less person delivering there.

So iamloved are you suggesting I should have a) induced my baby early? B) ditto but with cs c) give birth on the a road unassisted? Or d) planned home birth as midwifes local and would get there?

I wonder how people can go and give birth in a hospital! I did once, and it was awful. So bad I then had two home births (one against medical advice).

I'm now pregnant with my fourth and problems have arisen. My consultant has warned me several times not to give birth at home, but I still really want to :( I'm far more terrified of being induced...

I just wouldn't choose a homebirth as I know if something went wrong I would never forgive myself

5 years later and I still haven't forgiven myself for going to the hospital. and I doubt I ever will.

Ie severe blood loss. What makes you think being at home could stop a baby getting stuck or mother hemorrhaging At least if you are in hospital you have an emergency team on site.

I gave birth at home.
I had a massive haemorrhage (>2500ml)
And a third degree tear.
I live 17 miles from the hospital.

I swear, I am still alive. Honest.
In fact aurynne are you one of my midwives?

OP - I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I hope you find support and I think it shows great strength that you've taken on board a lot of the responses you've had here.

As for a lot of the rest of the thread. God, it's like homebirth myth bingo. Every time the same crap.

I just wouldn't choose a homebirth as I know if something went wrong I would never forgive myself

A friend's baby was killed by hospital mismanagement (not picking up very obvious distress due to low staffing ratios and policies of checking women). She may well feel the opposite. She had her second at home.

How one feels is very valid for the choices we make for ourselves. Information and statistics are far more relevant for how we view the choices of others.

Oh, I also have a friend who had a shoulder dystocia at home. She was perfectly fine and her experienced midwives delivered her baby safely.

She was made to feel like shit by many, many people for 'risking' her baby.

Another friend has a child with erb's palsy as a result of mismanaged shoulder dystocia. I don't think anyone has ever once brought her choice of hospital birth into it.

I was born at home, as were my four brothers. Mind, this was between 1960 and 1970. Nobody ever told my mother she was selfish

I was born at home too, after my DM had a botched hospital delivery with my brother. I think it makes a difference - you know from first hand experience then that not all homebirths go wrong, which some people would like you to believe.

MIL was told she was selfish in 1959 for wanting a hospital birth.