To wince at people who have homebirths?

[TheCatsMeow]

I never used to, I used to say that everyone should have the birth they want and mean it. But my birth went wrong and I ended up with a baby who would have died had it not been for NICU. If we had been at home, he wouldn't have survived and I may not have.

Every time I hear someone say they want a homebirth my head screams "YOU'RE BEING IRRESPONSIBLE". I get visions of myself and my son lying dead. It frightens me and every time I see a woman who is pregnant I think "I hope they both survive". I don't say any of this unless someone asks and then I just say that I ended up with complications so was greatful to not be at home.

But I feel like people are risking themselves and their babies and it makes me uncomfortable. I think IABU but don't know how to deal with my feelings on this. Please don't be harsh.

I didn't tear or even graze with my biggest baby (4.34 kg, 9lb9oz) precisely because he took his time in the birth canal. As I was helplessly wailing remarking that it felt like he was never going to get out, I was told it was to stretch me gradually.

98th centile head circumference.

I'm sure the fact it was a gentle home water birth helped me not tear.

I pushed for four fucking hours with induced DC1. Absolutely no way my unfavourable cervix was ready to push when they told me to.

I've described the urge to push as being like diarrhoea: you can't not. Your body is doing it on its own and you have only minimal control! Starting to push because you want to, before you have to, bruises the cervix and slows you down.

Of course student midwives attend and facilitate births, but always under the supervision of a registered midwife. If at a home birth, there still have to be two registered midwives present. I did several home births as a student midwife, always with 2 midwives present. Under staffing cannot be used as an excuse. A student midwife is not responsible for her own care, her supervising midwife is. If there is an emergency, or if the student makes a mistake while not supervised, how is the hospital going to explain this to the parents?

Yes in my first labour in hospital I had midwives yelling at me to push because I was fully dilated, I pushed till I burst a blood vessel in my eye but she didn't budge. Turns out she was not in the right position to come out. Second time around at home I declined to be examined (which the midwife supported), and when the urge to push came there was no way I could have NOT pushed. I had a small tear which didn't need stitches, which I think was caused by ds having his hand by his face.

I had very controlled pushing every time in the US, and had episiotomies that healed quickly and well. So much depends on the experience and training of the medical professional. In my case that was an obstetrician 4/5 times and midwife for the last one.

I tore in my homebirth (2nd degree, nearly had to be transferred for stitching, now that would have been annoying!) just to redress the balance. But tbh it healed fine anyway so it wasn't a big deal really.

aurynne my poor midwife at my homebirth must have been crapping herself then. She showed up, alone, called her supervisor to attend... just as my waters went and they had meconium in, she tried to examine me but the baby was right there, baby came out, cord was wrapped round neck and knotted and I bled hugely afterwards (and passed lots of clots) then fainted. All before the second midwife managed to get there!

No doubt if I'd been in hospital and all this had happened then people would say "well thank goodness you were in hospital". But I felt it was all managed perfectly well at home. I have nothing but praise for the excellent home birth service.

I've never been told when to push. In my hospital birth I had started pushing without realising it (cue a slight rush to get me into a delivery room) and then pushed when my body pushed. It was a total involuntary thing, I had zero control over it. The MWs just left me to it (not alone!) and checked babys HB in between pushes. The MW told me that I didn't need her to tell me when to push. And in my HB baby pretty much delivered himself. No tears either time, just tiny grazes. They were both water births though, which may have helped.

I have checked and actually it's not a legal requirement to have two qualified midwives present. One of my local hospitals apparently has a policy of it only being one midwife as well. Apparently it's done on a case by case basis and the first midwife calls for a second qualified midwife if she feels it's necessary to do so. You can also state prior to going into labour that you don't want a student as a second midwife. Other areas will differ.

My MW said when they go well they are lovely but when they go wrong......and she pulled a horrified face.

You can image though the carnage, the panic etc and you can never ever ever ever guarantee it will go well.

Having said that I contemplated one for my second birth - I can see the positives and having already gone through Labour I knew my body and my response to pain a little more etc. I chose an ELC in the end and that was very right for me. I loved it.

I would urge caution for first timers without a doubt, no one can prepare you for birth and the pain of labour. However for people who have had one, let them choose.

"and then pushed when my body pushed. It was a total involuntary thing, I had zero control over it"

^^ same here it was all involuntary I did nothing, just felt the pain whilst my body got on with it. It was like having a poo really or being sick, amazing of course, but just a bodily function in my case.

My MW said when they go well they are lovely but when they go wrong......and she pulled a horrified face.

But can't that be said for any birth? We have already had one midwife (aurynne, I think, a good few pages back), saying how a problem she had at home was dealt with more speedily than the same situation in hospital. It would make me wonder just how many home births that midwife had assisted at, because it certainly wasn't the attitude of my midwife and she had done a lot of home and MLU births. Her attitude was that she as a midwife needed to be aware of potential problems and how to deal with them but to offer the labouring woman positive support.

"My MW said when they go well they are lovely but when they go wrong......and she pulled a horrified face. "

That is true of hospital births. Childbirth can go wrong anywhere.

"age though the carnage, the panic etc and you can never ever ever ever guarantee it will go well"

That is also true of major abdominal surgery.

I didn't tear at all with my homebirth (my 3rd birth). I didn't have a birthingpool or anything like that. Just laid on the bed. Actually she practically fell out, only had to push once.
Just to compare, had stitches with my 1st birth (hospital), and a small tear which didn't need stitching with my 2nd (hospital). Not sure if that was relevant to me being in hospital though.

My MW said when they go well they are lovely but when they go wrong......and she pulled a horrified face.

So why is she a community midwife then?

My community midwife calmly told me about when things went wrong and how they deal with it, which was highly reassuring. It isn't 'call the midwife' they don't go round on bikes and have to find a working phone box.

YABU. I've a HB and shortly hope to have another. I wince whenever someone trots out the "hospital are safer" argument. Not actually true for 2nd births onwards. I think you should focus on getting help with the issues your traumatic birth has caused, rather than judging other women for their well-reasoned and well-informed descisions which don't affect you.

I don't know how typical 'Call the Midwife' was of the rest of the country but one thing the women got then which they are very much less likely to get now, was continuity of care. As long as they had been to the ante-natal clinic the chance of being attended in labour, by someone they had never met before, and never saw again, was zilch. Continuity of care with a known attendant has I believe been shown to have better outcomes.

Fourormore the requirement for 2 midwives present is for home births, at hospital only one needs to be present, but it needs to be a registered midwife (a student having a birth by herself is a no-no).

Of course there are some very rapid births and only one midwife makes it at home, sometimes none! :)

"My MW said when they go well they are lovely but when they go wrong......and she pulled a horrified face."

Of course, because at hospital births NEVER go horribly wrong... oh wait...

I never really got the whole thing about hospital births leading to more interventions.

Surely if there is an intervention it's because it's actually needed? Or is there a problem with the attitudes of our doctors and midwives. If that's the case, then let's sort that out. There must be some serious distrust going on, not just with mothers but also within the medical staff, as they are often the ones citing that there are more interventions in a hospital birth.

I know that's not the only reason people have home births, but I hear that reason so often.

It's hospital protocol, which is often unspoken, which can lead to unnecessary intervention. When I had DC1 I was told intervention was necessary as I had been pushing for two hours. It wasn't necessary at all as I was happy to carry on and he was monitored and all ok. It was simply thanks to my birthing partner who knew to check in and actually ask me what I wanted that I had the choice.

My birth, and subsequent births (at home) would have been quite different for no good reason.

I could almost do a reverse: I could not imagine having a hospital birth! Before having my first we were invited to a hospital labour room and shown the medical tools that 'could' be used so that we were all familiar with what might may happen.

I remember feeling horrified, looking at the cold, sterile, prison like room asking 'where are the windows?' having all eyes on me and being told 'when you are in labour that is the last thing you'll be thinking about' I was aghast and fled out of the hospital.

I had all 5 births at home, in a beautiful setting, water births with drops of lavender and I know how very fortunate I am never to experience the horrendous lack of care and nightmare stories of hospital births.

Let's just be thankful we had a safe delivery no matter how our babies come into the world and not be so judgemental of others about their decisions.

Aurynne, is that law, trust policy or something else? A SOM for my area has told me 1 is fine for a home birth.

Forgot to add that yes, had shoulder dystocia with the last, was overdue on 2, cord wrapped round the neck on at least 2 and at least 2 came out blue and floppy initially but all these things a midwife is very well trained to deal with so can't see how being in hospital would have made any difference to my care tbh.