To wince at people who have homebirths?

[TheCatsMeow]

I never used to, I used to say that everyone should have the birth they want and mean it. But my birth went wrong and I ended up with a baby who would have died had it not been for NICU. If we had been at home, he wouldn't have survived and I may not have.

Every time I hear someone say they want a homebirth my head screams "YOU'RE BEING IRRESPONSIBLE". I get visions of myself and my son lying dead. It frightens me and every time I see a woman who is pregnant I think "I hope they both survive". I don't say any of this unless someone asks and then I just say that I ended up with complications so was greatful to not be at home.

But I feel like people are risking themselves and their babies and it makes me uncomfortable. I think IABU but don't know how to deal with my feelings on this. Please don't be harsh.

I understand what you're saying OP but I disagree with you, I think sometimes a homebirth would be better for some women.

I have had 2 hospital births, natural, no complications etc. but for me, I couldn't cope afterwards on the postnatal ward, I needed to be at home ASAP.

If I have another baby, I hope I will be able to have a home birth, for me that would be the best option.

At the end of the day, every woman is different and can choose if we want home/hospital births.

Sorry for what you have been through

I wanted a home birth for a while but was dissuaded. Ended up with an EMC so probably a good thing.

That said, I now know TWO women who have lost their babies and nearly their lives in childbirth and would now never chose to have a baby at home.

I agree OP it is a wonderful but risky process and when I see pregnant women I worry for their birth.
Obviously would NEVER say anything to them.

Yankeecandle - your sneering at people who want unassisted births is quite unpleasant.

Consent in birth is a problem some times - midwives admit this, that not all staff are gaining proper consent for intimate procedures, and that some women experience coercion which they find traumatising. Factor in that 1 in 10 women in the uk has experienced sexual assault. For some this will impact on their births. Other women experience PTSD from traumatic births. The women I know who have had unassisted births on purpose were all extremely fearful of hospitals/doctors/midwives. One had been given an episiotomy without consent or information and was completely traumatised by the experience. Another had felt coerced into an unplanned c/s by the behaviour of staff and developed severe postnatal depression afterwards.

Maybe it's best not to assume that people are stupid and uncaring about the wellbeing of their babies, regardless of their birth choices.

Thing is, manandbeast - even if you had planned a home birth, you would have been transferred in the second anything wasn't going according to plan, so your emc would have still gone ahead.

My experiences:
1st birth - hospital - left alone the entire labour. Finally checked and was further on then anyone thought. Next thing started pushing and midwives had to run in to help me.

2nd and 3rd births - home - 2 midwives with me the throughout my labour (quick births) - constantly being monitored and baby checked. I felt in control and safe and would have gone to hospital at any sign of trouble.

Yabu because research says otherwise.

With my first I had a hospital birth the care was crap and if I had of listened to the midwife on the phone before I went in I would of had an unplanned homebirth anyway.

2nd baby planned homebirth and the midwifes only just got here in time which was only 10minutes after dh managed to make it home so I would of had DD in the car on the parkway had we of tried for a hospital birth.

Currently pregnant with dd2 and again we are planning a homebirth my labours happen so fast it's not safe to try and get to hospital.

I found personally in the hospital setting they don't believe you and don't trust your instincts, when we rang about being in labour with ds it was a it will be hours yet have a bath take paracetamol, he wasn't hours after that phone call. With dd and my homebirth I rang and they believed me and 2 midwifes where sent straight away no argument.

My hospital birth:

Was told by the midwife when I came in that I had come in too early, would have hours to wait and that I would need pethidine when I was 4cms dilated. Then she examined me and found I was 4cms dilated.

Was taken to the delivery room, there were two facing each other and was told that the other lady would be giving birth soon, so just to ring if I needed anything.

Left alone for two hours,ended up crawling on the floor looking for the buzzer to get attention because it was on a wire and had fallen on the floor - desperate to push.

Midwife told me that there was no way I was ready to push. Got me back on the bed and examined me to find I was 10cms dilated.

Midwife discovered that monitoring the baby's heartbeat brought on contractions, so as soon as one contraction ended, she would be bringing on another (sounds odd but it's true). I tried to stop her so I could get a break and she pushed my hand away and lied to my face about why they were doing it.

These are the highlights, there were other 'issues' as well, but more minor.

I gave birth two hours and ten minutes before the other woman.

My home birth:

Was listened to. The labour was progressing slowly. I said to the midwives at about 1pm if they thought we should break my waters. They looked at each other and laughed. They'd had a conversation when I was out of the room, saying that if it didn't start progressing faster, they'd speak to me about breaking my waters at about... 1pm.

There was nothing negative about that experience whatsoever.

So people can choose to wince if they want, but I much preferred being treated like a human being than being treated like I knew nothing and feeling like I was on a conveyor belt.

I have read all the posts. I understand that in the case of fast labours it makes sense, and for women who've had an uncomplicated first birth. I also understand the wanting to be treated properly.

In hospital I was dismissed and sent home several times. DSs heart rate has dropped but because it was still in the normal range we were sent home and I was told I wasn't feeling him because "it's just his position". I had a cesarean (I had said previously if I panicked I wanted a c section rather than waiting and ending up with a forceps and had it agreed) I genuinely believed something was very wrong, but didn't get it for a few days after I stopped feeling his movements. When he was born he was blue, had breathed in meconium and fluid and clearly showed signs of distress. He was also stuck. I spent most of the first day thinking my baby was going to die.

I don't think hospitals are safer for the mother, as you get ignored and dismissed. My point of view is if the baby is unexpectedly unwell they have the facilities for them.

Reading everyone's posts I do think a home birth isn't as frightening as I had imagined. I am a worrier by nature.

Thanks for all the replies and to those who posted who lost their dc

One of mine had the cord round his neck when he was born. No special equipment was used to remove it. The mw did exactly what they would have done at hospital.

You've reminded me that my hb also came out tangled. The mw got me to untangle the cord myself (underwater)

mini I'm not sneering at anyone. The thought of unassisted birth absolutely terrifies me; I said I was worried sick for these women.

Someone telling me that the fact that I had an internal examination meant that i had been sexually assaulted by a doctor did and always will make me There was a meme going around "natural" parenting fora stating this. Think it for yourself if it applies to you, but please do not tell me how I should feel.

I read a great article re cord around neck on Facebook recently. When I get on the computer, I'll link it. Happens to 1:3 babies apparently and isn't a cause for distress on its own.

OP, I would guess from your preference for a c - section over forceps that you wouldn't have been eligible for a home birth anyway (though I don't think they can use forceps at home either? ) or it would have been the case that that point would have been reached and you'd have been transferred in. So it would have been no more likely that your baby would have died had you been at home. Nor would it have given him a better chance, though, either. I'm sorry you had that awful experience anyway and I hope he's doing better now.

Bertie I have hypermobility and I was worried about my hips dislocating and him getting stuck needing a forceps so I didn't consider a home birth, if I'd have asked they probably would have advised against it.

He's fine now. I think it's just made me think birth is dangerous instead of looking at it more unbiasedly

"I'm not sneering at anyone."

Yes you are.

Retread your post. The language you used ridiculed the women you described. You made them out to be silly and paranoid.

Op, what were you told/advised because of your hypermobility? Obviously it depends on the type and i am no expert, but i preferred a hb because it was easier to give birth/labour in positions that suited me best and i trusted my mw to help me with that, rather than the 'lying on back/holding legs apart' stuff you see on tv progs like 'obem'

YABU but for good reason. I was left in Labour on my own for more than 5 hours, I can't really remember. I'd just had an epidural in and nobody came to check on me. Nobody listened to my screams for help. Nobody listened when I was throwing up blood. If I had a home birth, me and my baby might not have been hours from death. I actually found out after taking the hospital to court, I'm not the only mother it happened to and some babies actually died from lack of staffing. Hospitals aren't always the safest. It's been nearl 19 months and I still haven't had a debrief because I simply cannot bare to hear what happened, the flash blacks are enough.

(I just have hypermobility plus spd rather than more severe forms)

Bombadier I was told that I couldn't open my legs past a certain point and that it would be better to give birth on hands and knees. I don't know what type I have, it's never been properly explored but I've had massive problems since and so it is being looked at now.

My baby was also back to back which is why I asked for a c section if I panicked or found it too much as a forceps or assisted birth can really damage your hips with hypermobility

There are two issues:
One: are you able to rationally evaluate risks and act accordingly even if it appears to go against your intuition?
I researched home birth and the robust evidence showed it was safer than hospital births for me and my baby at the time. There are many sound reasons for this but the fact of the matter remained it was safer. So I chose it - an informed choice.
Two: do you feel other women are adults with autonomy who should have the freedom to make good, bad or indifferent choices about their own bodies?
It is illogical to condemn women for things that go wrong with their home births whilst ignoring the things that go wrong with hospital births. There are known risks with both, and assuming that hospital births are the epitome of safety is very wrong, despite being the default assumption for many.
My home birth also went wrong. I haemorrhaged badly. It was handled the same way it would have been in hospital and I was transferred to continue my medical care.
I would not judge another woman for making the same choice as me. I would simply hope she had robust information to make an informed choice.
I also wouldn't judge a woman who had a hospital birth and haemorrhaged like me but in hospital. The risks of a haemorrhage were higher in hospital meaning I actively chose the lower risk choice. I knew and accepted it might still happen, and I had researched what actions would be taken in the event. I was prepared to accept the outcomes.

I had a home birth because my other births were very routine. Have had 2 home births. The last one was always going to be a home birth because he just popped out so quickly! The were lovely lovely experiences and my elder two were fully involved with cord cutting and so on.

I knew the stats said that a home birth was at least as safe as a hospital one for a low risk pregnancy. If the stats showed an obvious risk over a hospital setting I would have not chosen a home birth.

I'm hypermobile as well - along with other bits that would make HB a poor idea even without recent history. I labour quickly (6h for number 1, less than 90 minutes for number 2). My first birth was a UK hospital affair, I delivered up on my knees over the top of the bed. Very comfortable, busy but attentive MW. My second was breech so I was forced onto my back - not how I would choose to deliver but that's how it was. No significant damage to my hips from either delivery.

MWs joked after my first that I'd want a HB next time - I'm only 15 minutes from hospital, but I spent almost no time at all in hospital pre-delivery on either occasion. I really, really don't want to go into labour at home again. The speed at which I labour, coupled with a 36w stillbirth means I'm looking at a preterm induction/section (vaginal breech isn't much fun) if I get a next time.

chat FWIW my section was okay. I found the labour leading up to it much more painful and traumatic. I hope your experience is better if you have more dc

Re internal examinations - if these are performed without consent then it would be sexual assault. I would find that incredibly traumatic.

So in some cases, women opt for home birth because it means they'll get one to one attention from midwives - does this exacerbate problems of staffing and care within hospitals and cause more stress for other mums?
It does seem as though it's asking for an extra level of service: home birth with dedicated staff, but with the same expectation of care from hospital staff should things require a trip to hospital.

It's the same as people who endorse hypnobirthing etc - evangelical when by chance birth is straightforward, but its funny how there are very few people who talk freely and without shame when their 'chosen' method doesn't work. Instead it crops up as part of wider post natal depression disclosure, due to feelings of failure etc. It doesn't help that people are made to feel that hospitals are all bad, and professionals won't act in your interest.
Remember that many 'good' births are down primarily to luck, just like many 'bad' births.

So in some cases, women opt for home birth because it means they'll get one to one attention from midwives - does this exacerbate problems of staffing and care within hospitals and cause more stress for other mums? It does seem as though it's asking for an extra level of service: home birth with dedicated staff, but with the same expectation of care from hospital staff should things require a trip to hospital

Yes but no. With a hb you're 1:1 until delivery, then 2:1. In a hospital you're 1:5 (say) then 2:1. The difference comes afterwards. Mine were gone within a couple of hours, whereas in hospital there would be at least one midwife on the postnatal ward overnight.

It's using resources in a different way, and a low-risk delivery is cheaper as a hb than as a hospital delivery even before joy factor in intervention.

mumberjack - that is exactly what I was going to say. I'd go so far as to say those choosing an NHS home birth (as opposed to progressing very quickly) are selfish. You want one to one care - at the expense of those who chose/have to give birth in hospital? Pay for it.