To wince at people who have homebirths?

[TheCatsMeow]

I never used to, I used to say that everyone should have the birth they want and mean it. But my birth went wrong and I ended up with a baby who would have died had it not been for NICU. If we had been at home, he wouldn't have survived and I may not have.

Every time I hear someone say they want a homebirth my head screams "YOU'RE BEING IRRESPONSIBLE". I get visions of myself and my son lying dead. It frightens me and every time I see a woman who is pregnant I think "I hope they both survive". I don't say any of this unless someone asks and then I just say that I ended up with complications so was greatful to not be at home.

But I feel like people are risking themselves and their babies and it makes me uncomfortable. I think IABU but don't know how to deal with my feelings on this. Please don't be harsh.

My understanding is that community midwives are separate from hospital staff. I disagree it's asking for extra - it's asking for what is necessary. It should not be the case that midwives are running between rooms. That's how things get missed and go wrong. It is also absolutely not the responsibility of the mother to accommodate short staffing levels. The NHS has a duty to attend a mother in labour at home if that is what the mother decides.

I agree, many good births are down to luck but there are still far too many births that "go wrong" in the western world because medical professionals ignore basics things about what a women in labour needs.

That's a good point about not having 24/7 care with a HB too. My midwives were with me for 5 hours. They didn't receive any calls to attend another HB while they were with me. In fact, whoever despatches midwives sent me two sets of midwives so at one point I had four!

A home birth is my personal idea of hell.

It's not at the expense of others, that's silly. The NHS are hugely pushing home births at the moment. They wouldn't be doing that if it was creating staffing problems.

The midwives I had are not midwives who would otherwise be in a hospital. They're community midwives who are based at the GP surgery so you're not taking care away from anyone. You're actually saving the nhs money because a hb is cheaper.

So in some cases, women opt for home birth because it means they'll get one to one attention from midwives - does this exacerbate problems of staffing and care within hospitals and cause more stress for other mums?

Then the answer to that one is to staff hospital births properly, not to accept that because hospital staffing is sht then it needs to be sht for everyone. It's usually community midwives who do home births not hospital midwives.

I feel the same. Dd2 wouldn't be here if she'd been a home birth. She is 4 now and it's still emotional as I came far too close to life without her.
Having said that, I'm the same re people not following guidance to avoid cot death. My twin sister died at 11 weeks so I followed everything with lots of reading up on the subject. I never voice these opinions in rl unless specifically asked. You base your opinions on your own reality.

Sinkymalinks
It appears by your own standards (with which I disagree) that YOU are the selfish one for choosing a more expensive hospital birth. I thought most people knew that home births are cheaper.
Still, I don't begrudge you your expensive Hospital care which was subsidised by my cheaper homebirth.
You're welcome.

Nah. I had obstructed labour and crash section.

Am being provocative. Apologies. Am simultaneously fighting with ikea flat pack.

But.. I know home births work out cheaper. (Is that for all hospital births btw, has there been comparisons with uncomplicated hosp births?)

We don't have enough money to adequately staff birthing units/labour wards. How can we justify 2 midwives with each mother at the point of birth?

Would we not be better to get our birthing units working better?

(I'll be in the consultant led labour ward for my elective section if I have any more, so you won't meet me and my vile opinions!)

I've had two successful homebirths. Why did I choose to be so irresponsible? After a lot of reading and research. Wanted to avoid the casvade of intervention that is oft envitable in hospitals. The outcomes for mothers accessing the homebirths team in my area were more successful than for my local hospital at the time. I saw the same midwife for every single prenatal check up bar the one where your secondary midwife visits so you know her too. Therefore I was very comfortabke and relaxed. Therefore, the same wonderful midwife has delivered both by children. I had two midwives beside me throughout the entirety of both my labours. i was not being poked and prodded by strangers. If anything had gone wrong, it was a short 5 minute journey to the hospital. Any emergency preparations would have been prepared while I was on route wouldn't have been any quicker. if I'd been on site. I had one friend who had to wait six hours for an 'emergency' c-section in a hospital. My best friend gave birth the day before in a hospital in a nice area of Surrey and had a horrendous experience. Out all my friends and family who recently had babies I would say that judging my their birth stories and subsequent recoveries mine have been the most successful. But that's my experience. I know most people think I am nuts. I would not have had a homebirth if I was sticks perhaps but I made what I felt was a very educated decision.

You are supposed to have two midwives with you at the point of delivery in a hospital birth, though when I had Ds4 that consisted of a midwife sticking her head round the door.....

Hospital staffing and cost issues won't be solved by stopping home births. They are separate issues.

We are so virtuous we also save the nhs money whilst getting 1:1 care. Well done us :)

I realise there are lots of different posters and opinions on this thread so maybe I am conflating two POVs unfairly, but the "HBs are irresonsible" people can't have it both ways.

• EITHER we are irresponsible because we take unnecessary risks, when it is the duty of each mother to make decisions primarily on the basis of best care / least danger / best likely outcome

• OR we are greedy for taking up two midwives to ourselves when we have a baby, as opposed to those selfless women labouring in hospital who are lucky if they get a sniff of one - and hang the outcomes

But you can't blame us for both!

I liked very much having a dedicated mw through most of my labour, and two at the end. I'm afraid I didn't feel at all guilty about the women in the labour ward at the hospital who were left alone for hours. Now I am not peri natal I care about them a lot. At the time I just wanted to have my own baby with least trouble. Sorry. (actually I didn't take away anyone's mw by having a home birth - but even if I had - I do agree with the position implicitly held by many on this thread that the mother's primary responsibility in labour is to herself and her baby)

Flat, she needs no support from me, and in fact it IS arrogant to be so judgemental of other people's choices based on nothing. Maybe with a planned home birth the op's issues would have been picked up and therefore less serious. I'm not judging her though.

I'm sorry if you think I'm being arrogant and judgemental as it wasn't meant to come over that way, I get concerned for people having home births more than judging them.

Some people on here have explained very clearly why a home birth was a good choice and I can see that in some situations it is. I think my experience has made me view birth as something frightening

Yes, it's frightening in hospital knowing you are going to deliver a dead baby, caused by negligence, breech, vaginally, and not know what she will look like, whether you can hold her, frightening knowing that all that pain is useless.

It's frightening going back to that same hospital, feeling forced into early induction, uneccssary intervention and eventually surgery, feeling so out of control you don't know if they will kill another baby.

It is not frightening being at home, safe, where there are no memories of babies dying due to mismanagement, where your baby has a heartbeat and you instinctively know how to give birth and are allowed to do so.

So be concerned for anyone who can't attempt the birth they want. Not concerned for those who have made an informed choice to attempt a home birth.

In order, I had a rough hospital birth, a great home birth, a horrendous home birth, and a good hospital birth. I have no issue with anyone wincing at any of those. I do not think I was ever confident I was doing the right thing during any of those.

My partner and I main reason for not having more is that I couldn't take or risk any further mistreatment. My life has literally been put at risk by medical abuse during pregnancy and birth. The horrendous home birth did involve being taken by ambulance to the hospital ten minute away - but only after the community midwife who had been very unsupportive most of the way though had yanked on the umbilical cord repeated while I screamed in agony until a chunk of the placenta tore off and I started badly bleeding. I can't say how it would have gone with better people around me and even when she'd called them direct, they were still prepping for me in OR when I arrived so I'm not sure being there would be faster.

I do not think I would ever feel confident on something like birth, but the main thing that made things good or horrendous was being supported. Wherever someone can get the best support is where they should be and that can change. All of my births happened in the same city under the same hospital and a lot changed during those times. I can say that my home births were polar opposites and my hospital birth for my 4th looked nothing like my first. It's hard for anyone to know what to do with the systems as they are.

I get concerned for people having home births more than judging them.

Then why aren't you concerned about women having hospital births virtually unattended because the staffing ratios are so poor? Or women going backwards and forwards unattended because they are not in established labour and the hospital won't admit them until they are? Based on your own experience it seems that you are effect saying that home births are risky even though they are attended by at least one qualified midwife, but someone completely unattended because of the circumstances I have listed above is going to be protected by having a Consultant's name on her notes?

I appreciate that you had a difficult time, but I don't think you really know a lot about home births.

I'm really sorry that happened to you. We have different views on it, for me I think birth is inherently risky and so wouldn't want to be at home. I'll take all the intervention possible to make it as pain free and stress free as it is, and don't mind the clinical aspect.

Some people think birth is a normal event and not inherently risky. I think these two opinions mean that different people come at it from different places.

Also hospital negligence which I also experienced is something else. The staffing levels in maternity are awful

Then why aren't you concerned about women having hospital births virtually unattended because the staffing ratios are so poor? Or women going backwards and forwards unattended because they are not in established labour and the hospital won't admit them until they are?

I am. The second part happened to me.

It's the lack of facility for the baby that concerns me, I think the midwife care is brilliant. It's the fact that you could be hours from a NICU.

I think it's risky to give birth anywhere that doesn't have a NICU, my hospital had a SCBU so we had to be moved and never again would I go anywhere without a NICU.

There are unfortunately babies who would not have survived a home birth. But there are also babies who die in hospital who would have survived at home due to infections, complications caused by intervention that wouldn't have happened at home, etc.

I researched very carefully before my home births. I have had one child a planned hospital birth, two planned home births and one planned home birth that ended is transfer to hospital and a massive haemorrhage. I would still choose home birth if I were to have another child.

MrsDeVere

Thank you. I think I have been left with a massive fear of birth. I'm going to see someone about it because I don't want to keep worrying about it, every time I see a pregnant woman I start panicking which I know isn't usual.