Was My Colleague Totally U? I think She was..

[CaptainCrunch]

Hi everyone,

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I am a Learning Assistant in a Primary School, we returned on Wednesday for an inservice day. There were 2 boxes of chocolates wrapped up on the staff room table with a card in a sealed envelope on top marked "To support staff".

We went off and did some training and came back for our break to see that the one of the boxes had been opened, almost completely finished and our card opened too, the envelope scrunched up beside it.

We were a bit annoyed as the teaching staff have form for horsing all the goodies before any support staff can get near it (they take their breaks before us).

With the agreement of my colleagues I wrote this note on the staff room whiteboard:

"Hi, just to say the chocs were specifically for support staff..we have no problem sharing them, but would have preferred to open the card and gift ourselves" and signed it from all the support staff.

The next day I walked into my class and a box of chocs was on my desk, turns out it was my class teacher who had opened them.

She was absolutely horrible to me and said "I'm really pissed off about that note, I've replaced the chocolates". This was in a very nasty, abrupt tone.

I said it wasn't about the chocolates it was because it was clearly marked to us and had been opened without our consent.

She then said "Well, I didn't read the envelope properly, I thought it said to ALL staff...there's a ridiculous divide between the support staff and teaching and shit like this doesn't help".

I was really stunned. We get on well together and I really admire her but I thought this was completely uncalled for.

She is correct in that there is a bit of a divide...mainly because a lot of the teaching staff treat us like second class citizens, some can barely bring themselves to say "good morning".

I'm not going to let it affect our professional relationship, but she's really gone down in my estimation and it's left a bad taste.

Am I being U to let this bug me so much?

Do you think my victims could comply with my teal and silver "reindeer" theme?

just responding to being called "shitty" now, betty has already called me "twatty"

Not true as well you know. I used both those words to describe your whiteboard note. I stand by that assessment.

By the way, there were two boxes of chocolates, not just one, according to the OP. I find it almost impossible to believe that a grown adult would deliberately open someone else's present and eat it unless they genuinely didn't realise it wasn't for them. It really is not the same thing at all as unthinkingly snaffling biscuits. Accordingly, I would be extremely careful before I accused anyone of having done that. It is unbelievably offensive to tell someone you think they are a thief and a liar. It is just as possible the teacher assumed it was one box for the teachers and one for the support staff and she accordingly made sure at least one box was left over.

you always have to get the last word don't you betty, good luck with that

The teacher was most definitely being unreasonable in the way they spoke to you.

However, the note was both petty and unprofessional. I cannot imagine an adult writing and posting it on a board in a workplace.

I didn't suggest having a meeting. I was referring to the suggestion of a diplomatic conversation and the fact that you said you didn't have the energy for it.

It doesn't sound a pleasant place for anyone to work.

No roundabout, both the boxes were for us. BOTH of them, clearly marked with a card taped to the front. I have made that very clear in all my posts but for some reason loads of posters think taking someone else's stuff and using it is perfectly acceptable but calling them on it is not.

Danson, different workplaces do different things. Just cause you "can't imagine" it doesn;t mean it don't happen. This board is used every day for notes to staff. Why is that so hard to contemplate?

What kind of chocolates were they? (The ones you could salvage to identify amyway)

No, it was clear to you. That does not mean it was clear to everyone.

By the way, you have now said that you have had numerous meetings about what needs to be done to improve things and that support staff are impossible to gather together for meetings because they all finish work at different times and need to rush away. Which is it?

We have had numerous meetings as support staff with our Business Manager who relays our concerns to the management, but not for a while as the BM is on long term sick leave.

We do not have ALL staff meetings, it's not possible.

Are you suggesting I am a liar now? Thanks.

..and what is not "clear to everyone" about a card taped to the front of a gift?

I've worked in the same school in a support role for 16 years, lots of different teachers, support staff, and three different heads, and the only time there has ever been a divide between teachers and support staff was when increased staff meant the staff room was too small for everyone and we had separate breaks.
The 'divide' started quite soon after the change was made and was very noticeable- I think it was because if anyone came in to the staff room at break with a problem/grievance, there wasn't any opportunity to sort it with the teacher (or the TA), all that could be done was to moan about it, soon it became a habit to moan, and it became self -perpetuating.
Luckily we had a lot of building work done and eventually got a staff room big enough for us all and the atmosphere improved almost at once, people had the chance to air little problems and they usually get sorted before they become big ones. Nowadays if you come into our staff room you wouldn't be able to tell who were the teachers and who the support staff - and we all make sure cake is saved for whoever is on duty.

I've never been in a school where support staff are in on INSET days! Well except for one where everyone has to attend a big academy day but support staff got a day in lieu.

Rusty, we can't have the same breaks as the teachers as we have to cover the playground and lunch hall so that will never happen.

Suffolk we are in for all the in service days, always have been and always will be. It's council policy.

I do supply and the LA I work in, the divide is quite apparent. I get a morning break which is staggered so sometimes it's with teachers next time it's with the PSA's. The teachers usually ignore me, and the support staff are lovely and usually all introduce themselves.

I possibly would have done the same OP if I was long term. It's like my children's old primary, the teachers on a number of occasions had snaffled the malteaser cake for home baking stalls and popped it in the staff room without a donation. I may have told the teacher responsible I expected a £5 donation from the staff room tin.

Sound very familiar Groovee. We had a similar problem with a Rolo cake that was always lusted after on bake sale days.

Who line manages you if the business manager is off sick?

No one would be the answer...we would have to go straight to the Head who is rarely even on the premises, she has to attend so many meetings.

I wouldn't like to work in a school, it seems very stressful mostly because of relationships between staff and senior leadership - I say this as a Governor with long experience who has spent a lot of time in schools and also as someone who has worked in various offices for the last 30 odd years.

I do remember my youngest daughter taking in some carefully chosen (i.e., not cheap) biscuits one box for teachers, one for TAs, clearly labelled, and a TA coming out and snatching the lot off her saying "I'll take these!". I've had similar issues with labelling etc in classrooms, its as if teachers think they are exempt from reading stuff. Maybe the OP had no choice but to write a note on the whiteboard - clearly the way to get things actually read!

If I'd taken something by accident, that belong to someone else, I would be embarrassed and going out of my way to explain/apologise. If this rift does exist as OP suggests I certainly think that teacher has gone no way to resolve it.

Do your teachers not do playground break duty at all? Ours has always been a mix of teachers and support staff at morning break (though lunch is always just the lunchtime supervisors).

I would have thought an INSET day is the perfect chance for an all-staff meeting. And CaptainCrunch, you have nicely proved my point about how easy it is to misinterpret written text, if you think I was calling you a liar, rather than being unclear and confusing. So far as the teacher noticed, the card was addressed to all staff. Or are you calling her a liar?...

If, however, you had casually mentioned that the treats were yours (in a non-combative tone), I would have replaced the chocolates and thought nothing of it

But how is OP supposed to do that, WickedTricksy? She didn't know who had taken the chocolates, and doesn't have the same breaks as the teaching staff. Was she supposed to go to every teacher with that "casual mention" till she found one who was prepared to admit opening the chocolates?

In that case I can't imagine why you haven't emailed the head to ask for appropriate supervision arrangements to be put in place.

My line manager has been off sick since August. No way would my company allow people not to be line managed and in any case I was quick to ask what arrangements would be implemented.

Teachers NEVER do playground duty.

We cannot have an all staff meeting unless the HT calls one and she decided we would be in separate training all day. I'm hardly in a position to call one.

The card wasn't addressed to ALL Staff, it was addressed to Support Staff and the inside of the card which was propped up on the table, next to the scrunched envelope and the eaten chocolates reiterated this "To the Support Staff, from HT" written inside it.

And for the nth time, I can hardly go around the whole school saying to indivdual teachers "did you open our chocolates".