Was My Colleague Totally U? I think She was..

[CaptainCrunch]

Hi everyone,

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I am a Learning Assistant in a Primary School, we returned on Wednesday for an inservice day. There were 2 boxes of chocolates wrapped up on the staff room table with a card in a sealed envelope on top marked "To support staff".

We went off and did some training and came back for our break to see that the one of the boxes had been opened, almost completely finished and our card opened too, the envelope scrunched up beside it.

We were a bit annoyed as the teaching staff have form for horsing all the goodies before any support staff can get near it (they take their breaks before us).

With the agreement of my colleagues I wrote this note on the staff room whiteboard:

"Hi, just to say the chocs were specifically for support staff..we have no problem sharing them, but would have preferred to open the card and gift ourselves" and signed it from all the support staff.

The next day I walked into my class and a box of chocs was on my desk, turns out it was my class teacher who had opened them.

She was absolutely horrible to me and said "I'm really pissed off about that note, I've replaced the chocolates". This was in a very nasty, abrupt tone.

I said it wasn't about the chocolates it was because it was clearly marked to us and had been opened without our consent.

She then said "Well, I didn't read the envelope properly, I thought it said to ALL staff...there's a ridiculous divide between the support staff and teaching and shit like this doesn't help".

I was really stunned. We get on well together and I really admire her but I thought this was completely uncalled for.

She is correct in that there is a bit of a divide...mainly because a lot of the teaching staff treat us like second class citizens, some can barely bring themselves to say "good morning".

I'm not going to let it affect our professional relationship, but she's really gone down in my estimation and it's left a bad taste.

Am I being U to let this bug me so much?

Thanks HowBad. Teachers have made a choice, they take the higher salary but must accept the workload.

I was a Senior Social Worker in Criminal Justice. The workload was appalling, but the salary mostly reflected it.

When I had my DCs I just couldn't cope with it. I had to make a choice, I didn't think my support staff were beneath me because they had made a different one.

So so glad I don't work in schools any more!

OK so regardless of the fact the teacher you work for was absolutely wrong to take the chocolates, both of you agree on one thing, that the them and us mentality exists and it isn't making for good staff relationships. Could you be the bigger person and have a diplomatic chat with her about it? Along the lines of I've been thinking about what you said and completely agree that the them/us vibe is counterproductive, I really respect you and enjoy working with you, what do you think we could do between us to change this dynamic?

I have been called a twat, a whinger, a moaner, petty and "not a professional".

I think this is the wrong board to post on if you are simply seeking uncritical affirmation.

I probably could have that conversation MostInept but I don't think I have the energy for it.

To be honest, working with the children is the best part of the job. The day goes like a bullet, I'm always busy and can't believe when the final bell goes at the end of the day and I'm off home again.

In that respect it's a "good job", the pay is shit but I don't take any work home with me and for the most part I get on very well with my colleagues on a one to one basis. It's just this silly pack mentality that mars things.

I guess I just have to weigh it up and decide how much it bothers me, and try not to let it .

Never have I said I am seeking "uncritical affirmation" catfordbetty. Not sure why but you seem determined to be unpleasant to me, maybe that's how you get your kicks.

If no one thinks it's important to have conversations with other people about the shortcomings in the work culture it's isn't going to improve is it?

Is everyone who disagrees with you simply being "unpleasant"? How convenient.

No, catfordbetty, YOU are unpleasant, and goady and just downright nasty really.

That un-passive aggressive enough for you darling?

You worked in criminal justice? In my experience criminal justice staff take anything that's not nailed down.

unpleasant, and goady and just downright nasty really

Interesting, that's exactly how I'd describe your shitty whiteboard note.

You are I'm afraid.
I think the irritation showed through in the note but in itself it wasn't an unpleasant note.
I'm still not sure whether it was the best way to communicate the support staff's anger. It sounds like it is used for messages like "will you PLEASE wash cups after you've used them" and this message is in a very similar vein

Aw, betty, are you getting annoyed now? .

But CaptainCrunch, you joined in with the pack mentality by writing a note from all support staff to all teachers. Could you not have asked your teacher if she knew who opened the card and present? You could have had a grown up conversation, then, instead of a serious misunderstanding.

Now who's being goady?

No, there was no opportunity to ask. It was an inservice day, the teachers were in separate training ALL day.

I still don't really understand how so many people on this board think it's perfectly OK for someone to open and use an item that has been gifted to someone else, then be appalled at being called on it and far from apologise, actually get aggressive and arsey about it.

It's going to make "shopping" next Christmas nice and easy. I'm just going ro take anything that's wrapped, saves me paying for it and wrapping it. And how am I to know it wasn't intended for me anyway?

sooty, hardly, just responding to being called "shitty" now, betty has already called me "twatty" and other unpleasant stuff.

She seems determined to have a go at me for some unknown reason, typical keyboard warrior I expect.

Honest mistake guv

"I have been called a twat, a whinger, a moaner, petty and "not a professional"."

"I think this is the wrong board to post on if you are simply seeking uncritical affirmation."

People can disagree with the OP without calling her all those names though catfordbetty. I don't think the OP objecting to that sort of reply means she's expecting uncritical affirmation.

It's rude to open someone else's present. It's rude to help yourself to someone else's already open present without asking or being offered. The note wasn't ideal but given that the support staff had no idea who helped themselves to the gift, they could hardly go around asking individually, and since they don't have breaks at the same time they couldn't just ask outright to a crowded room either.

The teacher might be reacting badly to the OP's note, but surely it's better to say "I made a mistake, I'm sorry, but I don't think your note helped the situation" rather than "I'm pissed off with your note, I've replaced your chocolates, but shit like this doesn't help."

And tbh, a group of people complaining behind another group of peoples' backs about snaffling of food and lack of respect does come across as whingeing if you simultaneously say you're not sure you can be bothered to do anything about it. Either it is a serious issue that needs dealing with, or it's a bit of a whinge. Which is it? Why just let it bubble away, if you want to be professional about it?

I still think the fact you say you don't have the energy to have a conversation about it indicates that you're not very interested in facilitating an improvement in work culture.

Thanks Hygge.

Aw, betty, are you getting annoyed now?

No, not at all. This is only a message board and you are only a stranger who disagrees with something I've written on it. There's nothing worth being annoyed about.

sooty, this is just the "last straw".

We have had numerous meetings in the past, we have made it clear what needs to change and when...nothing and I mean NOTHING changes.

We are chronically understaffed and have a huge budget deficit.

Things are difficult and "having a meeting" solves nothing. We have tried, repeatedly.

Cool then betty