Was My Colleague Totally U? I think She was..

[CaptainCrunch]

Hi everyone,

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I am a Learning Assistant in a Primary School, we returned on Wednesday for an inservice day. There were 2 boxes of chocolates wrapped up on the staff room table with a card in a sealed envelope on top marked "To support staff".

We went off and did some training and came back for our break to see that the one of the boxes had been opened, almost completely finished and our card opened too, the envelope scrunched up beside it.

We were a bit annoyed as the teaching staff have form for horsing all the goodies before any support staff can get near it (they take their breaks before us).

With the agreement of my colleagues I wrote this note on the staff room whiteboard:

"Hi, just to say the chocs were specifically for support staff..we have no problem sharing them, but would have preferred to open the card and gift ourselves" and signed it from all the support staff.

The next day I walked into my class and a box of chocs was on my desk, turns out it was my class teacher who had opened them.

She was absolutely horrible to me and said "I'm really pissed off about that note, I've replaced the chocolates". This was in a very nasty, abrupt tone.

I said it wasn't about the chocolates it was because it was clearly marked to us and had been opened without our consent.

She then said "Well, I didn't read the envelope properly, I thought it said to ALL staff...there's a ridiculous divide between the support staff and teaching and shit like this doesn't help".

I was really stunned. We get on well together and I really admire her but I thought this was completely uncalled for.

She is correct in that there is a bit of a divide...mainly because a lot of the teaching staff treat us like second class citizens, some can barely bring themselves to say "good morning".

I'm not going to let it affect our professional relationship, but she's really gone down in my estimation and it's left a bad taste.

Am I being U to let this bug me so much?

A school that can have an INSET day, entirely free of children, and yet still arrange things so that teachers and support staff never get to meet up to talk has something very seriously wrong with it.

sooty, that's all very well but in a local authority school with a huge budget deficit and staffing shortages the reality is kinda different.

I agree wtih you on that roundabout, 100%. Our previous head always ensured we had training together.

I also,think it is seriously wrong for a HT to deal with the teachers and the business manager to deal with the support staff. The HT is ultimately responsible for everything.

The HT does have ultimate responsibility. Business managers are a waste of money in my opinion.

I work for a charity. Existing senior staff have had to cover. We're hardly awash with money but we regard staff supervision as important. If you don't have it to satisfactory levels you approach senior staff and ask.

I have been called a twat, a whinger, a moaner, petty and "not a professional".

I think this is the wrong board to post on if you are simply seeking uncritical affirmation.

catfordbetty, if you can't see the difference between critical non-affirmation and calling somewhat a twat, moaner etc, then you are posting in the wrong forum.

I'd be concerned if a teacher couldn't notice the difference between a card taped to two boxes of wrapped chocolates that said "To The Support Staff" and one that said "To All Staff". It's a nonsensical defence.

sooty, we have asked, repeatedly and nothing changes.

The HT is a nice person. But she is a people pleaser and says "yes" to everyone or "I'll sort that out" and nothing gets done.

It's frustrating and has led to a very bad atmosphere. It won't change unless the HT grows a spine or is replaced by someone with one.

then you are posting in the wrong forum err NO. Being allowed to call someone a twat is one of MN's best features.
It could have been much, much worse.

CaptainCrunch - I think the eating of the chocolates and your teacher's reaction are just indicative of it being a very stressful place to work. Maybe you can shrug it off more easily than your teacher, but it sounds like she is really feeling the strain if she is normally nice but reacted to your note like that. Given the circumstances, I think the conclusion that she is a self-entitled thief who looks down on all support staff is rather harsh!

One of the interesting things about this (to me!) is that while I think that the content of the note was completely unexceptionable, it seems that the act of communicating in writing at all is perceived as aggressive by some.

I have experienced this at work myself. Some people - including me- are very comfortable with reading and writing, and with receiving written communication. For me, receiving a written note is perfect: it can be read in my own time, it doesn't demand that I try to absorb the information at the same time as managing the social stuff of being in someone's physical presence, and it leaves me with a record of what was said and meant. For some people, it is an actual affront: there is something harsh, indelible and brutal about the act of taking the word to the page which is always marching closer along the border with conflict. (I hypothesise that these people find writing more of an effort; as it is out of their own comfort zone they subconsciously imagine the writer to be in a much more intense place, to have bothered, than is necessarily the case)

without going into who's right about this (people like me, obviously :) ) the OP and her team have no option to communicate some other way. That choice was taken away when it was decided that they'll never be in the staff room at the same time as teachers. that decision carries with it the assumption that they'll never have anything to legitimately approach the teachers about. It's arrogant and silencing.

Never having teachers on playground duty comes from the same attitude that teachers are more important and their time is more precious.

OP - leave. Get another job

Thanks HowBad, I completely agree with your take on written communication.

I don't see why the teachers don't do break duty. It's part of directed hours.
If you have written evidence of the head teacher's failure to arrange line management have you taken the matter further? Or have your requests all been verbal?

Cross posted. In that case I assume your repeated requests to the head have been in writing?

I've put in a written request for a meeting with her this week, as the verbal ones were getting nowhere (nothing to do with this issue), it'll be interesting if that gets ignored as well.

None of the schools in our LA have teachers doing playground duty, it would simply never happen.

I hypothesise that these people find writing more of an effort; as it is out of their own comfort zone they subconsciously imagine the writer to be in a much more intense place, to have bothered, than is necessarily the case

Whoa! Really? People who think that a conversation is preferably must have problems writing! That's quite the leap.

A conversation is better because people tend to be more conciliatory and work to a resolution. It's easy to be arsey in writing without meaning to.

There's also a whole subset of people (paper tigers) who are only brave when writing things down, so it is seen as a bit cowardly.

We always teach new trainees not to write or email anything you wouldn't say if the person was sat next to you, and that makes for a much happier working environment.

If that gets ignored what are you planning to do next?

"A conversation is better because people tend to be more conciliatory and work to a resolution."

Actually, that is exactly what makes a meeting less good for me in my job. I have to review and approve / make comments on things. When people insist on bringing the things to me in a meeting, I have to insist that the actual formal comments or approval are what is provided in writing later, not what is is said in the meeting. Because in meetings people get pressured into agreeing all sorts of things that will turn out to be disastrous. Not necessarily explicitly agreeing - but expressing vague pleasantries that people hearing what they want to, choose to interpret as approval.

the meeting is good to get to know people. it isn't the forum to tackle tricky content - not for everyone.

"It's easy to be arsey in writing without meaning to." Actually I find it easier to express a delicate, emotionally sensitive but firm "no" in writing - having had time to think about it - than in a meeting - where someone puts me on the spot, gives me no time to think, says "So, can we do it?" and I have to say "no", and definitely can't say "yes", and so might end up unfortunately saying rather too bald and blunt a "no" (which I am getting better at not doing)

None of the schools in our LA have teachers doing playground duty
Ridiculous
No whole staff meetings -ridiculous
No whole staff training? Some things like safe-guarding must be joint surely?
The head has let things run out of control. She should have been milling about at the beginning of an inset. Talking to people making cups of tea giving staff boxes of chocolates etc.
Despite all these problems OP, there is something about you and your attitude that makes me think you don't like this subordinate role. I'm trying to be diplomatic.

I'm really interested in how polarising this thread is, and how invested some people are in arguing that the note was worse than the chocolates-taking. It's fascinating.

I am naturally not a borrower or a lender, but I have become more of a lender / giver because I accept that fluid boundaries around easily replaceable things like pencils and cereal are part of what makes workplaces function in a friendly way. Not because I ever take pencils or cereal; but because I like the atmosphere that you get when people overlook taking pencils and cereal.

This is something else though, and it strikes me as bizarre that some people don't see it that way. Really interesting

There is a time and a place for written communication and a time and a place for verbal communication. Writing is the only way to make a formal complaint. Writing on a whiteboard, however, is not an ideal way of expressing irritation at the opening of a present. Putting in writing the real grievances behind chocolate-gate would be a better use of written communication... if anyone dares! The HT seems to be the source of the problems, as they create the culture of the school and thus feed the attitudes.

HowBad that is interesting. It wouldn't work at all in my job I would be criticised heavily if I didn't give negative feedback about a project/report/proposal/chocolate theft face to face. But I don't feel any pressure to say it's all ok. I'm just aware that I say that it's crap and needs starting over in a nicer way when it's face to face.

Anyway, different cultures. But please do not imagine that those of us who think that putting everything in writing is really counter productive do it because we struggle with the written word. That is in the nicest possible way bonkers. And yes on this occasion I would say it the same way face to face!

You are completely NBU OP. I cannot believe some of the posters here. And who would eat most of a box of chocolates without thinking of leaving enough for other people? The teacher was totally in the wrong. If the more senior people in my team were throwing their weight around like that, I would give them a stern talking to. The Oxford graduates are treated the same as those without any degree at all.

Disgraceful. Your note was fine. Good luck and I would leave if I were you.

"there is something about you and your attitude that makes me think you don't like this subordinate role. I'm trying to be diplomatic."

Gosh! She's trying to be diplomatic about the fact that there is something wrong with you for not liking your presents pinched! that's nice.