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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU/WWYD I think DS has had his hair cut...

76 replies

TakeMeToYourPlanet · 08/01/2016 14:58

I'm not entirely sure how to approach this as I don't know for sure but my DS 5months has a lot of hair and on Tuesday he went to stay at his grandparents for the night. Usually no major issues with him being at PILs, nothing to prevent me letting them look after him at times.

Anyway on Wednesday when we got home he was going to sleep on me and I was stroking his hair and I felt something at the back. Like he had something stuck & matted into it, just a little bit in a few strands, which I combed out no problem.

I noticed his hair at the back looks to have been cut. Without my permission or even my knowledge. He had lovely curls right round to the back and it was quite long, the curls coming down his neck a bit. Now it goes almost straight across the back of his neck as if it's been cut and has uneven whispy strands that look like they have been missed.

It's looking to me like whilst at PILs he has got something stuck in his hair somehow and they've gone ahead and cut it without even mentioning it to me.

I have no idea how to approach this and to find out the truth without getting upset or going nuclear on them!

OP posts:
BaronessBomburst · 08/01/2016 15:01

Just say, "what happened to DS hair?" and wait for their answer.

MrsCrabb · 08/01/2016 15:02

I think if he got something stuck in his hair and theyve managed to cut it out in such a way that even you're not sure it's been cut and there's even the slightest risk that you'd "go nuclear" over it, then they've done the right thing in keeping quiet.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 08/01/2016 15:06

Why on earth would you 'go nuclear' if they called and said DS has something stuck in his hair would you really have said "that's fine just leave it there whatever you do do not cut it out leaving an almost unnoticeable difference to his hair"

Mrsmorton · 08/01/2016 15:07

How lucky that your ILs are confident enough to look after your 5yo. They will grow up to have a great relationship.

WilLiAmHerschel · 08/01/2016 15:09

Can't you/your dh just ask them "what happened to ds's hair?" If something had to be cut out why would you 'go nuclear'? Confused

Original poster
TakeMeToYourPlanet · 08/01/2016 15:09

I would say it's definitely been cut but obviously I don't know as I wasn't there and no one told me so I didn't want to say that.

I'd be upset not about him being messy or having it cut but about the fact they didn't tell me or give me a chance to try comb/wash it out.

I would have thought that's the kind of thing you discuss with a parent at some point.

I've messaged MIL asking if he'd had anything spilled or stuck in his hair and she said "Nothing, why?"

OP posts:
Mrsmorton · 08/01/2016 15:10

Sorry, 5month old.

Mrsmorton · 08/01/2016 15:11

Do you think it will grow back?

Asskicker · 08/01/2016 15:12

The fact that you may go nuclear suggests something got stuck in his hair, thy tries to get it out, it would come out so they cut it out.

If going nuclear is even on your radar over this, they will know you are likely to do this.

Did they have any other GC over? Dd once cut her own hair, while I was sat next to here. I didn't notice for 2 days.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 08/01/2016 15:13

AssKicker that really made me laugh!

Original poster
TakeMeToYourPlanet · 08/01/2016 15:16

I want them to have a good relationship as I didn't grow up with a lot of family and I think it will be good for him.

I think I'm overreacting. But I feel like they should have mentioned it.

I still stick by the fact it has been cut. I told MIL it seemed to have something in it, she has seen my message but hasn't replied.

OP posts:
GreatFuckability · 08/01/2016 15:17

Id not be happy I someone cut my baby's hair without asking me. But nuclear reaction isn't necessary either.

Original poster
TakeMeToYourPlanet · 08/01/2016 15:18

I never go nuclear over anything. I'm normally a bit too pathetic to complain about things.

They had another grandson, he is 19 months I think. The whole thing wouldn't even have been an issue if they would have just told me. I never have problems with them usually so why hide this?

OP posts:
Asskicker · 08/01/2016 15:20

You never go nuclear?

So why did you mention going nuclear in the op?

Any chance the other child snipped it?

Original poster
TakeMeToYourPlanet · 08/01/2016 15:21

"Nuclear" because I would have thought they would have had a bit more respect for me as the parent and asked me or even just told me.

It makes me feel like they have no trust in me as a parent to make these decisions.

OP posts:
jorahmormont · 08/01/2016 15:22

I would be annoyed if PILs cut DD's hair but I'd understand if it was because there was something stuck in it. What I'd be really furious about would be them not telling us - that's sneaky and I wouldn't be sure I could trust them with DD afterwards.

But she's my PFB so what do I know Grin

AppleSetsSail · 08/01/2016 15:24

My MIL used to cut my boys' hair all the time which made me insane with anger but I suppressed it

Floggingmolly · 08/01/2016 15:26

To make what decisions? Whether to cut a lump of shite out of his hair or leave it there??

bleedingheart · 08/01/2016 15:27

It's a bit of a leap to go from 'cutting something sticky out of baby's hair' to 'they have no trust in me as a parent to make these decisions.'

I say this with kindness but please don't read more into this. If my ILs or parents had done this, I would expect them to mention it (maybe FIL did it and MIL doesn't know?) but I wouldn't feel angry or undermined. That's not rational or proportional.

lexlees · 08/01/2016 15:27

In some cultures it is completely taboo to cut the hair of a baby until they reach a certain age.

I would just ask them if they cut his hair, if so why? If they say no and you have no reason to think they are lying then just park it.

Perhaps they thought he was sweating behind his head and the hair was causing it. What on earth could have got stuck in an infants hair?

Interesting to see what they say.

Original poster
TakeMeToYourPlanet · 08/01/2016 15:28

The decision of whether I want it cutting, or they could try something else first. That's not even the issue still. Cut it out, fair enough but someone just bloody tell me.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 08/01/2016 15:29

If their grandchild had been born into such a culture it's very unlikely they wouldn't realise it, lexlees

Original poster
TakeMeToYourPlanet · 08/01/2016 15:31

I don't want to not believe them but there is hair missing.

bleedingheart, I'm not a very confident parent. Had help almost constantly for the first few weeks and doubt myself a hell of a lot. They know this so I guess that's why it's getting to me so much.

OP posts:
MrsCrabb · 08/01/2016 15:33

So you've asked Mil and she says it didn't happen? Unless she has reason to be very scared of you, my money's on DH Grin

WeAllHaveWings · 08/01/2016 15:33

I'd rather ds had gp's that loved and cared for him enough to have overnight at 5 months and could made the decision all by themselves to cut a little bit of hair when something got stuck than have gp's that didn't have a clue/care.

Its hardly a "respect for me as a parent" or a "trust in me as a parent" situation Hmm, do you usually have control issues? Respect and trust goes both ways you know...

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