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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU/WWYD I think DS has had his hair cut...

76 replies

TakeMeToYourPlanet · 08/01/2016 14:58

I'm not entirely sure how to approach this as I don't know for sure but my DS 5months has a lot of hair and on Tuesday he went to stay at his grandparents for the night. Usually no major issues with him being at PILs, nothing to prevent me letting them look after him at times.

Anyway on Wednesday when we got home he was going to sleep on me and I was stroking his hair and I felt something at the back. Like he had something stuck & matted into it, just a little bit in a few strands, which I combed out no problem.

I noticed his hair at the back looks to have been cut. Without my permission or even my knowledge. He had lovely curls right round to the back and it was quite long, the curls coming down his neck a bit. Now it goes almost straight across the back of his neck as if it's been cut and has uneven whispy strands that look like they have been missed.

It's looking to me like whilst at PILs he has got something stuck in his hair somehow and they've gone ahead and cut it without even mentioning it to me.

I have no idea how to approach this and to find out the truth without getting upset or going nuclear on them!

OP posts:
Paperthin · 08/01/2016 15:34

Can't you just call her and ask " hi DMIL did you have to cut DS hair to get something sticky out because it looks a bit wonky at the back?" She says either yes or no. I just think sometimes 'messaging' people instead of 'talking' does not always convey the right feeling or meaning and people can take it the wrong way. I might be wrong and there might be a back story here.

Nicky333 · 08/01/2016 15:35

Maybe they didn't cut something out, maybe they wanted to keep a bit of his hair, in a locket or something.

Original poster
TakeMeToYourPlanet · 08/01/2016 15:35

Oh god don't say DH.

He keeps winding me up about shaving DS head Hmm

OP posts:
Paperthin · 08/01/2016 15:37

Nicky33 has a good point.

ExitPursuedByABear · 08/01/2016 15:38

Grin Mrsmorton

Original poster
TakeMeToYourPlanet · 08/01/2016 15:38

If they wanted to keep some hair, I would expect them to ask even more than cutting crap out of it.

I'm not sure if I have control issues. Never seem to have any control for a start. But that's a whole other bunch of issues.

OP posts:
diddl · 08/01/2016 15:40

When you picked him up from ILs, was it immediately obvious that his hair had been cut?

Original poster
TakeMeToYourPlanet · 08/01/2016 15:42

No, he had his big fluffly hooded snowsuit type thing on.

It was obvious once we were home and I was stroking it.

OP posts:
LittleBeautyBelle · 08/01/2016 15:42

I think calling and asking "What happened to DS's hair?" would have been a good idea. If they cut his hair, they should have told you. I think that is a given, isn't it?

It would be strange if they cut his hair and didn't say anything, that is what strikes me as weird.

So, I don't blame you for wondering and expecting that surely they should have mentioned to you if they'd cut his little curls off.

I'm sympathetic to you, OP, because I kept my ds's hair fairly long, (now he doesn't like getting it cut, uh oh) I get what you're feeling. Personally, no one, even grandparents, have the right to cut a child's hair without your permission. If he got something stuck in it, they should have called and talked to you about it to see if you wanted to see if you could get it out first before automatically taking the scissors to him.

HappyIdiot · 08/01/2016 15:43

its a good job you didn't leave the baby with my mum, OP. I left DD with her when she was about 14 months, her fringe needed cutting and DM decided to give it a go. DD was asleep wearing a beanie type hat, DM decided she would cut along the bottom of the hat pudding-bowl style, with some nail scissors...
inevitably she got half way along, DD woke up, went mad, wouldn't let DM anywhere near her to finish it. it was only when she took the hat off that DM also realised that loads of DD's fringe was pushed up inside the hat, so basically she had one long half of her fringe and one very short half with extra long bits.
3 months later, its still wonky but getting better. I know it feels wrong that someone has cut your baby's hair without permission but I would try to let it go.

LittleBeautyBelle · 08/01/2016 15:46

I agree that asking over the phone will get you a more accurate reading of what actually happened. You can still phone them and ask. I definitely would.

The only other explanation is that his hair wasn't curly because it had been washed or had lain flat while sleeping. You know best though if it looks like the length is gone.

Hihohoho1 · 08/01/2016 15:47

Flogging your post made my seriously laugh out loud. Thank you.

Op does your mil have form for lying? Or being so mad as to cut hair without permission?

When my dd was 5 she cut her best friends hair trying to create a fringe.

That went down well with the mother.

Original poster
TakeMeToYourPlanet · 08/01/2016 15:49

She has no form for anything unpleasant. We get on really well and we've always trusted her with him. I think that's why I've been so mixed up about it.

OP posts:
Hihohoho1 · 08/01/2016 15:51

She could have pierced his ear op? Be thankful for small mercies. Hope it works out.

My money is on the other kid and a lapse in watching them like a hawk.

So you say 'did you cut dss hair?'she can say 'no'quite legitimately.

KurriKurri · 08/01/2016 15:56

I think most people's first port of call would be washing the hair if it had something in it.

Which suggests that either

  1. Such a radical idea didn't occur to them and they went straight for the shears (slightly worrying)
  1. Whatever got into his hair was so sticky that no amount of baby shampoo was going to get it out (Is it possible your FIL accidentally placed an open tube of evostick on your babies head absent mindedly mistaking him for a table?)
  1. Your MIL has decided to retrain as a hairdresser and thought she'd use your baby as a model, unfortunately her skills are not yet perfected and she was too embarrassed she's no Vidal Sassoon.
  1. The other grandchild is lacking in the hair department and your MIL thought she would even things up and has done a bit of home hair transference (Other grandchild's mum is currently e-mailing MIL saying 'have you stuck hair on my baby's head you loon?')

Whatever has happened, she's not going to fess up, I suggest that next time you see her you snip a large chunk out of her hair and immediately deny doing it.

But your baby's hair will grow back and unless he is Samson, he'll be unaffected by his mystery restyle.

3luckystars · 08/01/2016 15:57

Could you just text back and say "some of his hair is missing, I'm going to take him to the doctor" and see what reply you get. :)

Original poster
TakeMeToYourPlanet · 08/01/2016 15:58

Nah, the pierced ears come next month when ickle bubbz is big enough Wink

Latest from MIL is "nothing to do with us. It's just thinning from where he sleeps on it"

Fair enough. That didn't even occur to me. Most pointless post in MN history?

OP posts:
bakeoffcake · 08/01/2016 15:59

Maybe they just forgot to mention it? It could have happened last night and 101 other things have gone on since then so it slipped their mind.

If they are usually lovely GPs, I'd assume the best of them, not the worst.

Original poster
TakeMeToYourPlanet · 08/01/2016 15:59

Lol SIL has many times expressed a desire for her ds to be less bald. Hmm...

OP posts:
Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 08/01/2016 16:00

You don't have control issues TakeMeToYourPlanet - some people think babies are property of extended family but that a mother of a baby in particular must never give anyone the slightest indication she might think she has special status of any kind in her - sorry I mean the family's - very small child's life, less she look as if she think the child is hers...

There is a lot of sentiment attached to baby curls and first hair cuts for an awful lot of parents, even without specific cultural values involved, and it is not unreasonable not to want other people deciding when your baby should have his first hair cut.

What you do about it I don't know. My DC3 had fast growing blond hair and MIL cut him in a fringe that made him look like Mr Bean when he was 2.5 without telling me. I went internally nuclear and nearly did myself an injury, ranted at DH but in the end never said anything to MIL as the DC love her and she loves them... I'm not sure that's the healthy or helpful way of doing it, but you have to pick your battles I suppose, esp if they are denying it because they know they shouldn't have cut off a 5 month old's first baby curls without asking his mum... It could get messy.

MrsCrabb · 08/01/2016 16:04

It is true that they lose hair through "wear" when they're always lying on their backs

Hatethis22 · 08/01/2016 16:07

Did you send him in the hooded suit? Grin

Someone has probably cut something out of his hair. I wouldn't be pleased that they hadn't owned up but it's a far cry from trimming a fringe or cutting off a boy's curls 'because it needed cutting.'

If you they have the curls in a box somewhere as a keepsake or one of them has commented negatively on the length of his hair, then go nuclear.

ChipInTheSugar · 08/01/2016 16:15

It tends to rub off further up though doesn't it? Not at the nape of the neck.

I would be pissed off too OP. My ex-MIL couldn't wait to get the scissors on my DDs' hair, whilst I felt the first haircut was quite significant and didn't want her taking pot shots at them while they were in the swing

peggyundercrackers · 08/01/2016 16:16

YABU for calling your baby ickle bubbz never mind his hair.

Hatethis22 · 08/01/2016 16:19

She was taking the piss.