I've NC'd for this, as it's such a difficult situation and I don't want me - or the dog to be identified. It's also a bit of an essay
A bit of background - I am on the autistic spectrum and struggle to know when I am right or wrong. I am thirty and have lived independently for ten years but I still speak to my mother about things which bother me - I think a lot of people do this?
I moved into a rented flat in August which I love, with a girl who seemed lovely. As time went on she was annoyed with me for small things - leaving lights on when I went out, etcetera, but she did these things herself and often left the heating on. I felt a bit like a second class flatmate even though we pay equal rent, but I liked her. She seemed nice and friendly, and had nice friends over. We would often eat together and split a bottle of wine.
She asked in December if I would mind her getting a dog - there was one she had seen in Dog Rescue Centre and liked. I like dogs, so I agreed. I have grown up with dogs, and my parents always had them. As a child I used to cycle for hours with our dogs running behind - they were collies, very bright, and we lived in the country so there were miles for them to run.
When I was home for Christmas my flatmate collected the dog. I was planning on having a new year party the day I arrived back, and my flatmate asked me to reschedule with four days notice as the dog is 'freaked out by new people.' I agreed to make dinner in the flat, then head out - until I found the pubs charged an entry. I then asked if we could have the party in my room, as I didn't want to let down friends who had based their plans round the party (It was on the cards for several months.) She said no, and I (on the advice of my mother) sent her a message saying I felt like a second class flatmate and detailing the things which upset me. As I'm not very brave I ended up apologising for this and taking it all back. To be honest, I am really scared of her and sending the message felt like a minion standing up to the emperor or something. I felt sick.
Anyway - New Year's Eve (We agreed on the meal in the flat then going to the pub - my boyfriend paid for people's tickets.) I got back late - transport chaos, all west coast services cancelled as far as Carlisle - with my boyfriend who met me at the station to help carry bags.
He walked into the kitchen to dump the bags and the dog freaked out, snarled and ran into the corridor. He is a tall man and he was carrying a heavy suitcase. The dog is fairly new, so I can see how the combination was frightening.
He and my flatmate then had a row as he had upset the dog. Things between them have never been good and he was resentful that I'd had to let my friends down, though I had explained why. I was shaking, so were we all. A lot of unpleasant things were said and the dog witnessed this (and it's owners reactions) and probably associated me with fear and conflict.
Later I went into my flatmates room where the dog was lying on her bed, and went to pet it. It growled and then bit me on the arm, not badly but broke the skin slightly. At the time I didn't think a lot of it. I was new to the dog and the dog was frightened. Also I was in his space. I should probably have had a shot or antibiotics, but I was OK and it has pretty much healed now.
Since then the dog has snarled at me in a quite threatening way quite a few times. It also growls or barks when I go near it. Apparently it was returned to the dogs home before for biting a child and I have a very child like voice, so that could perhaps be why? My flatmate thinks it associates me with Bad Energy from the first night and the row we had.
It is lovely with everyone else - I have seen it and it is fine. We have tried many things - my flatmate keeps encouraging me to pet it, take it off it's lead but it hates me touching it and it runs as far from me as it can. The other day my flatmate asked me to stroke it whilst it lay on her bed, and it snarled, then bit her as she was holding its mouth.
She constantly points out that he is fine with everyone else and I just need to 'break the ice.' Every attempt to break the ice goes wrong though.
The result is, I am terrified of it.
Things came to a head today, when I walked with my flatmate and the dog to her work - the plan being I was to walk it home and make friends with it. I was pretty scared, but agreed to do so, as I'm bad at saying no.
I originally said I was happy to help out with the dog - but this was before I knew it would behave like this. I didn't want to rescind this.
Anyway, in her work the dog was friendly to everyone except me. She gave me a biscuit to give it and it snarled and bared its teeth. I was meant to walk it home, but thankfully her boss witnessed it snarl at me and offered to let it stay there. I was terrified of getting it off the lead, as it hates me touching it.
She is furious with me, as I spoke to my mother about it last night and my mother is concerned about me and we argued. She said I tell everyone everything and I should be more tactical, she doesn't know whether she is living with a child or an adult.
I am upset as I feel she is attacking me because of her dog's behaviour. I speak to my parents about things which worry me - and perhaps I am more reliant on them than I should be, but I struggle to understand situations myself. Also, isn't it normal to tell your mother if you are afraid of something? Why ought I to hide it?
My flatmate started saying that there was no way the dog was going back to the dogs home, even though I didn't suggest that, and that I was endangering it and being irresponsible. She also said I was like a child.
I have a social worker who comes to see me every fortnight because of my autism and another disability, but I think I am quite independent. I have a part time job, several close friends and I cook, clean - have a normal social life.
I'm really upset and scared. I feel that my living space is being violated and I am being attacked for minding this. I am also naturally very passive and frightened and I tend to apologise for everything, which I am doing now, but I feel angry too - her dog is attacking me in my living space and I am made to feel it is my own fault.
She's like me to move out. I can't move in with my boyfriend as he is saving for a deposit, and living with family. I also really like this flat...but I am so unassertive and so scared
God...sorry for such an essay, I could do with a hand, a bit of support, telling what to do
I don't dislike the dog. I just fear him.