Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH being over friendly

155 replies

Emmalouise2babies · 07/01/2016 21:06

Have NC for this just wondering what others would think. My DH cheated a few years ago with someone who came into the family as a friend. I left him for several months, then we decided to give it a go for the kids and obviously I forgave the cheating.
However the OW was classed as both of our friend, and used the excuse that we were going through a bad patch and that she thought we were 'over'
Anyway fast forward a few years, no other issues. Have moved to a new area and have become good friends with a girl I met at work. I know you can never be certain after infidelity but DH has also become very friendly with her, and tbh is acting in a similar way as he did back then - think sitting in the kitchen chatting for 2+ hours while I sit in the lounge, play fighting, etc. She is younger than me and I don't think she would actually do anything tbh, she is currently in a very complicated relationship with a total bastard and comes round a lot because she lives nearby and I think is lonely (her family are 2 hours away) she hasn't changed her behaviour around me at all.
I suppose what I am asking is AIBU to feel a sense of deja vu and feel that if my DH doesn't look at her that way (she is pretty and him thinking that wouldn't bother me) he is being a damn insensitive twat for being so over friendly? Considering what's happened in the past although I've forgiven him AIBU to expect him to be more careful how he behaves?
Just to clarify my DH is a very jealous person - he trusts me 100% to be faithful but would be fucking fuming if I was so friendly with a bloke - even his close friends of 20 years plus.

OP posts:
catfordbetty · 08/01/2016 09:07

Er ... the OP has handed him his cards. I don't think she needs any more convincing.

Good luck emmalouise. I hope it all works out well for you.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 08/01/2016 09:22

Well done op, I think if you'd hung around any longer to find out what was going to happen. It would of happened. I wouldn't just be ditching my DH either, the young friend would be gone to. She has acted pretty disrespectful as well. Naive or not, or that could all be a good act.

Good luck I hope all goes well. You do deserve much better and the fact you even had to post this here shows hes not good enough.

Asskicker · 08/01/2016 09:41

Well done OP he is a twat.

You made the right decision.

FattyFishwife · 08/01/2016 10:08

good on you o/p!!
As a 14 year old, I play fought with a lad i walked to school with....i would tell anyone who would listen that I couldnt stand him, and that I fought with him for that reason, every single day on the way to school.....
we've been together for 30 years and married for 24!

skyeskyeskye · 08/01/2016 10:09

Well done OP, have just read the thread. Based on your initial post and your subsequent comment about your friend asking what you would do to a friend who slept with your H Hmm, I was going to say trust your instincts on this one. If he has done it before and you recognise the signs, then he will do it again if not already. It could still be in the flirtation stage, but it will go further.

A friend of mine helped her friend out, fed her and her kids, let her come round every night, let her H go and do jobs for her. Her H wasn't doing jobs he was doing the "friend". She kicked him out, he moved in with the woman, had a baby, then cleared off with a friend of hers a couple of years later.

I hope things go ok for you.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 08/01/2016 10:18

I'm glad I RTFT before posting my thoughts as you have pre-empted them. I am glad you have told him it is over. Whatever is going on with your friend; one of the key things for me was that your DH has acting in a way that made you feel disrespected and uncomfortable in your own home. Even without the backstory, this is not the behaviour of a nice man.

Very best of luck for the future without him.

carrielou2007 · 08/01/2016 12:15

Just RTFT with my jaw dropping more and more. Hats of to you, calm and dignified OP I would want to be but would turn into a screeching banshee. Stay strong and well done you Flowers

moopymoodle · 08/01/2016 12:29

OP. It is not normal for a new friend to start turning up and spending more time with YOUR husband and befriending him, leading to play fighting. That is flirting and it makes you look like a mug. They are doing it right under your nose and because you accept it they carry it on.

My friends are me friends, my husband might offer them lifts home etc but he doesn't get overly involved with them.

They are spiralling into an affair, they've already crossed the line majorly.

Anyfucker- is there any need to speak to the OP like she's stupid? The op already knows things have gone too far, I don't think you berating her is helping.

AnyFucker · 08/01/2016 12:32

You do it your way moopy, I'll do it mine.

CFSsucks · 08/01/2016 12:41

Well done OP. You were certainly proactive.

I agree he sounds like he doesn't care or he's caught bang to rights and he can't even be bothered to deny it.

DixieNormas · 08/01/2016 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emmalouise2babies · 08/01/2016 12:48

Thank you everyone. I think it's plainly obvious for all to see I was only doing this for my kids, but I will manage I have a fab supportive family who are house hunting for me as we speak Grin

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 08/01/2016 12:53

I've got a feeling that you're actually going to be much happier now than you have been Emma. You sound almost relieved tbh Thanks

Emmalouise2babies · 08/01/2016 12:55

Relief is definitely one of my feelings right now Smile

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/01/2016 12:56

Good for you

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 08/01/2016 12:56

OP- have not RTWT but I can imagine this is a 1000% unanimous answer

short term, trim this mate

long term, get some outside help to understand why your self esteem is so low you stay with someone that does this to you Flowers

and yeah what AF said, what do you do when they having a cosy 1:1! My friend once had a "playfight" with my then BF, I went over and accidentally trod on her socked foot, in my platforms. yeah , I was a lot younger....

throw some fucking cold water on them fucking twats!

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 08/01/2016 12:57

now to RTWT as you have trimmed him clearly. GOOD! xxxx

NickiFury · 08/01/2016 13:03

It takes a LOT to surprise me but this certainly did. Play fighting? Shock. There'd have been fighting alright but not of the playful kind if that was my H. Glad you've told him where to go but I don't think this will be the end of it, he won't go quietly.

Fwiw I think AF has been bang on on this thread.

DixieNormas · 08/01/2016 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andthentherewasmum · 08/01/2016 14:37

Sounds to me like you had already made your mind up on page one, you were just processing it internally before you made your move. I can understand that.

You sound much more positive and like a weights been lifted. I'm guessing being in limbo after his affair and waiting to see what he would do with this woman was horrible. You've taken back control of your situation now so it's onwards and upwards!

I'm assuming you'll be ending the 'friendship' as well Angry

Allbymyselfagain · 08/01/2016 14:39

I wish people would RTFT. I did, took me 10 mins, went from outraged on your behalf, planning what I would suggest, seeing everyone else said it and then wanting to cheer and give you an unmumsnetty hug. WD OP and when the adrenaline goes and you start to wobble (if you do, you might not, you sound determined) come back and we'll all support you through it.

LittleBeautyBelle · 08/01/2016 15:29

Great to hear your latest update, OP! Enjoy looking for a new house and getting rid of old clutter! Smile Flowers

thegreysheep · 08/01/2016 15:40

Good luck OP and as well as doing it for your kids (post 12.48), you should be doing it for yourself also, you also deserve to be happy. And after being away from him and the head wreck for a while and getting some confidence back you will see this, you deserve to be treated well and with respect.Flowers

sleeponeday · 08/01/2016 16:00

Freedom calls, OP. Smile

Emmalouise2babies · 08/01/2016 16:14

Definitely. Having married my 'childhood sweetheart' I've definitely got some living to do! Wink

OP posts: