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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish my birthday was not today

147 replies

Paleninteresting · 06/01/2016 13:06

I'm in my late 30s and my birthday is today. I have a lifetime of having joint Christmas/birthday presents, having early or late 'treats' not on the actual day and presents which have obviously been picked up in a rush in the post Christmas sales.

I know it's the thought that counts but the thought seems lacking in care or any personal knowledge of things I like, eg products not tested on animals.
If I get one more set of toiletries from the Boots sale today I may scream.

So I have cancelled my birthday from now on, I am serious. Having lack of care reinforced each year, when I hope each time for the 6th of January to be different is now demoralising.
AIBU?

OP posts:
PixieChops · 06/01/2016 19:45

Happy Birthday Pale, my birthday is the 2nd Jan so a friggin nightmare. Nobody's got any money, nobody can be bothered to do anything or go out. It was my 30th and I spent most of it in hospital with my 6 month old baby who has bronchiolitis and tonsillitis. I truly feel your pain. It's an absolute shitty time to have a birthday. I'm like you I always put thought and care into people's gifts but found people don't tend to put in as much thought into mine as its Christmas the week before and it's just a rush.
My best friend however has excelled herself this year though and bought me and her a spa day for next week. I'm lucky to have her as a friend Smile

BuntyCollocks · 06/01/2016 19:54

That's shit. My DD was born 29/12, and I make a careful point that we have separate paper, no joint presents etc. It's her day, it's not an extension of Christmas.

Original poster
Paleninteresting · 06/01/2016 20:27

Dear all, who feel my pain. Thank you for your compassionate responses. I had a lovely tea with DP, mum and dad and was given a scarf and lovely picture, so the day has improved.
Catz, thank you so much. It takes very little to listen and you have demonstrated a lovely response.
To those who think boohoo, it's AIBU and you are entitled to your opinion, however it's one of those rare threads on AIBU where you are a tiny minority and that is worth reflecting on.

To you who are having babies soon, the thread has provided great tips: no joint presents (unless previously agreed), a small celebration that will make the day separate to Christmas and make it on the actual birthday. My particular favourite is the birthday tree which may become a tradition I encourage.

To those who thing adults aren't bothered about birthdays, this thread tells you very much to the contrary.

Thank you all for making this birthday one to remember have a virtual drink, hug and cake with me, as I enjoy a gin.

OP posts:
woollytights · 06/01/2016 23:39

I have an August birthday and I don't really celebrate it now I'm an adult, and certainly don't get a load of birthday presents from extended family/friends. I'm afraid it's just not something adults really do Confused If you actually celebrated a fake mid year birthday in order to gain more gifts and attention I reckon people would be sniggering behind your back (at best). Sorry.

PingpongDingDong · 06/01/2016 23:43

People don't celebrate their birthdays once they're adults?! Fair enough if that's what they choose. I don't know a single person that feels like this! At work everyone brings in cards and presents for each other's birthdays and all of my family celebrate their birthdays. It's certainly something lots of people do!

Catzpyjamas · 06/01/2016 23:54

You're very welcome.
DD has just had her birthday and I try to make a huge deal of it (there's still balloons and banners everywhere). It's rubbish that I can never book her a party like her friends as the local council closes all the usual facilities over Christmas and New Year. Sad

ProudAS · 07/01/2016 06:43

Another January born here.

Say you don't mind so long as people get you a separate birthday present (definitely not wrapped in Christmas paper) and spend as much as they would at any other time of year. You get more for your money in January but there has to be some compensation.

MLGs · 07/01/2016 07:53

pixie I think 2nd jan is the worst day in the year for a b day. Worse than Xmas day, as at least people are celebrating. Worse than 29th Feb as at least than feels special.

Db is 2nd jan (I think I posted up thread) and it is the most miserable time. No one is up for a celebration, being all partied out after Xmas and in "back to work" mode. It's usually not a holiday unless a weekend and even if it is, it is "sleep day"/ quiet day/ get ready for work etc. New's year's eve at least people want to go out, and if new year's day you can get away with " seeing in" your b day. 2nd jan is the worst IMO.

Nb - we do try to make db's b day special and of course did when he was little. None of us celebrate our b day's much as adults, but we try not to make his lesser. The worst thing is to forget a b day in early Jan/ late December even if you regularly get everyone else's presents there late!

GnomeDePlume · 07/01/2016 07:58

I dont think the problem is about presents but about the lack of thought.

Dotandethel · 07/01/2016 08:10

Mines this week too. I stopped bothering about them as i got older. The main reason was everyone was fed up, burnt out and not up for doing anything in January. I feel your pain. Happy birthday from a fellow crapicorn WineCakeFlowers

Dotandethel · 07/01/2016 08:15

Branleuse, i see you're filled with that January feeling we're all talking about Grin

crookedhooker · 07/01/2016 09:00

Mine is the 6th too its crap. Birthday nights out etc never happen as everyone is skint on a diet or not drinking. Even as a child it was awful remember mum moaning about the lack of nice cakes etc as it was always reduced price Christmas shit in the shops and presents were often regifted tat Hmm.

Happy belated birthday anyway. I'm like the queen now and have an official and unofficial day. My birthday on night out is usually in June Grin.

DeepBlueLake · 07/01/2016 09:05

Oh here we go, January birthday brigade moaning about how shit their birthday is.

I had exams on my birthday for years (born in May). No one wanted to come out to celebrate because they all had to study and that was as a teen, not a fully fledged adult.

DisappointedOne · 07/01/2016 09:09

But there comes a point where May isn't filled with for most people. And most things are open to be able to have a day out of not a night out. That's not the same as early January which is shit every year for life!

DisappointedOne · 07/01/2016 09:09

*filled with exams

BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep · 07/01/2016 10:06

Mine is close enough to Christmas to get joint presesnts if it was a big item that otherwise could not be afforded, but far enough away so as not to get joint presents as a matter of course. would hate to have a birthday any closer to christmas than a couple of months.

Anotherusername1 · 07/01/2016 11:24

My birthday is March so occasionally clashes with Mother's Day. That is annoying enough (if you want to go out for lunch and not be ripped off) so I totally feel your pain OP although at least it's not every year. My ds's birthday is in late November but at least it is just about far away from Christmas for people to make some effort. It's still annoying when there are Christmas events on his birthday though.

And yes lots of adults celebrate their birthdays and make them a thing. i am 43 and still do. My husband doesn't really, he says Christmas was a much bigger thing in his house so I guess it depends on the person but I still get him a decent present or presents and we go out for a nice meal. But there's no excuse to ignore someone's birthday or not make an effort because it's near Christmas.

imjustahead · 07/01/2016 11:28

mine is tomorrow.

never get any enthusiasm for it, from myself! It's a feeling of having to try to be interested, again that's from my head.

Can't be bothered, always feel tired.

GnomeDePlume · 07/01/2016 12:00

I would suspect that the posters who are to paraphrase saying something like 'tough, get over it' are responding so aggressively because this thread has held up the mirror. They are possibly realising that this is something they have done to friends and family time and again.

MitzyLeFrouf · 07/01/2016 12:06

Sympathies, it really must be crap to have a birthday at this time of year. The world and their wife is in a post Crimbo cheese, chocs and wine fug.

Happy Birthday anyway! Flowers [ethical beauty products emoticon]

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 07/01/2016 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Postchildrenpregranny · 07/01/2016 12:11

My DD2 is early Feb and she gets this-not as a child though . But she does sometimes ask for a big 'combined 'present -e.g very expensive walking jacket last year. I always get her two or three little things to unwrap though . And a card

Postchildrenpregranny · 07/01/2016 12:13

Well if an 'official' brhday is good enough for the queen ...
Had I had an actual Christmas birthday child-on or very near-I think I woud have done this

MimsyBorogroves · 07/01/2016 12:20

YANBU.

Mine is very early Jan too, and I now can't be arsed with it. I've never been out with friends for my birthday, and as a family we don't go out or do anything either because of money.

DH makes a bit of a fuss, which is lovely, but I'm always deflated.

I get joint presents too. Parents usually get me vouchers for Christmas/birthday to spend in the sales which is great at the time and really useful, and other people get me Christmas and birthday presents together for Christmas, but I certainly never get that 'fuss' which even DH gets a few weeks later.

I don't really care so much on the day, and have a bit of a water off a duck's back attitude, but actually thinking about it makes me a bit...meh.

whoreandpeace · 07/01/2016 12:29

I am mid January and I've always hated it. In my 20s no-one had any money after Christmas so I always felt that I got presents from friends that were their unwanted Xmas presents or crap that came out for sale in the Sales. Going out to restaurants to eat in January is dire. They are empty. I used to try and organise a party for myself, but you need to do that well before Christmas to get it in people's diaries and once I became a mum I was just too busy organising Christmas to think about beyond.

I find it difficult thinking of 'something else' that I want for a present after Christmas when I've already had my Xmas presents, so for the past two years I've said I don't want anything except a meal out with my family.

Now that I am older I don't care so much. Bah Humbug!