To absolutely HATE HATE staying in my in-laws´ house even though they are kind, decent people?

[savebraveted]

I only do it twice a year for a couple of nights and it turns me into a horrible, huffy, critical meanie. I don't understand what happens to me. Admittedly, it is not a comfortable experience, tiny house, one bathroom for nine people, everyone shouting after bedtime while our 3 kids are trying to sleep, no space to put any of our clothes, no privacy etc.
My MIL is currently snoring in the most repulsive way sitting next to me on a small sofa and I am bored out of my wits while they all discuss their own family matters between themselves.
BUT they tend to our every need, feed us, shower the children with love and affection, the kids enjoy themselves and I don't have to wash up. Obviously part of married life is to share time with families and my DH is lovely with mine.
I turn into this horrible, snobbish person and I just ache to go home. Why the hell can´t I be more accepting and patient? I usually am in other areas of life - I just see this place as total hell....aargh.

Is there any way your kids could go "on holiday" to stay with grandma and grandpa instead of you all staying there as a family? If your kids love it and the grandparents love having them you and DH

Maybe, you know, the DH wants to spend time with his DParents...

gotthemoononastick are you my mother? She once phoned my halls of residence at university to talk to (any, random) one of my hall-of residence corridor mates (whom she had never met) to ascertain whether they thought I was pregnant ... because I had accidentally let slip that I'd taken up drinking tea (instead of endless coffee 'round the clock). Apparently that was tantamount to a pregnancy announcement because she went off coffee during her pregnancies (though I hadn't said I'd gone off it, only that I had discovered a taste for drinking strong tea since joining the hiking club, where drinking tea in cafes was a big thing as were pub to pub beer hikes).

Bubblesinthesummer Maybe - but that can easily be achieved without sleeping in the same house - as I said in my post, spend the day there when dropping off and when picking up - sleeping badly in a room in their overcrowded house isn't spending time together.

Schwabischweinacht...you never know...If not ,though, I really like the cut of your Mother's jib.

A caring and vigilant mother is a blessing all of your life,rofl!!

gotthemoon I promise to get it looked into

This is a horrible thread

I love my PILs dearly and they're lovely hosts but I'm always a bit when they get out special fish knives and forks for fish usually frozen breaded cod or fish fingers.

Jesus....this is the worst MIL thread in the history of MN. I'm going to miss my boys.

If you're BU OP, then so am I.

My PIL are lovely people, but the whole time we're there it's uncomfortable. We sleep on the most uncomfortable sofa bed (including the when I was pregnant), get fed lukewarm, overcooked food in tiny portions and they don't have a working bathroom door. The shower trickles so that you have to manipulate yourself around it to get wet.

I generally feel on edge the whole time I'm there.

My in-laws have some sort of weird, anti-shagging bed involving two mattresses on the one frame, continental-style, and separate duvets. Still, at least we get our own room I suppose....

Yanbu. Mine are really really negative which turns me into a manic upbeat hello trees hello sky person in response. The house is large but entirely seventies utterly hideous decor.

This thread is horrid.

Only twice a year OP, and you can't put up with a little boredom? & your PIL sound lovely. Its more than some people have. Yet here you are griping behind their backs eliciting comments about them which would seem most unfair.

This post puts me in mind of a 5 year old child sulking I'm booooooored...

We all know boredom doesn't kill, right? & there are ways to combat if one CHOOSES to. Overcrowding is entirely bearable for 2 nights in a year. Even if people will pretend it isn't. On the plus side at least you acknowledge you are being horrid OP, you're not in denial. Unlike some others

The thread in general on the other hand... I don't know whats up with MN lately the amount of nastiness against parents and in laws is unprecedented, from posts moaning that a parent gave them a large sum of (much needed) cash instead of a nicely wrapped christmas present/something to open ..! to PILs who don't seem to have done anything much wrong at all but for some reason poster seems to get her kicks setting herself up as their competitor in some kind of war the PILs don't even know is taking place

Awful. But Im beginning to think its a badge of honour to act silly and entitled round here nowadays god forbid you should be PILs one day and they sit around bitching about you behind your backs despite you being unpleasant to them... you'd land on here sharpish with the "my awful PIL" selective memory stories, no doubt

Anyway next time OP you could try the usual stuff.. a good book or 2, magazines, music via earphones etc youre not obliged to sit in 1 spot hanging onto their every word or be in their eyeline the whole time you're there are you

Ugh I'm the same. Although we have to cook and wash up etc, think it might be their way of letting us 'make ourselves at home'. And FIL openly dislikes me. But I get all intolerant when there too. No idea why. Argh.

The few occasions I spent with dh's family I felt uncomfortable and awkward.
Most of them seemed nice enough, but as all his brothers are significantly older than him I felt a bit like a lost teenager the whole time. I had nothing in common with any of them and I struggle with small talk at the best of times.
It wasn't that any of them specifically went out of their way to make me unwelcome at the time, but neither was any effort made the other way. I always felt a little bit squashed when I was there, and dh also reverted a bit.

On the converse, my Mum is actively encouraging my siblings to use a local hotel when they visit, she's even offered to cover the cost. She loves having them to visit, but is finding the hosting a bit of a chore. My sister, however, has decided that she prefers squashing her whole family into the small spare room.

I think we all feel a bit this way at this time of year.

I'll be honest, I don't hate my inlaws at all but I hate staying in their house. Hate it.

It smells of mould. I'm not sure why, sort of a damp smell. It gets in your hair and your clothes. When we return, we have to air out the overnight bags and even then they still smell. My handbag now smells so bad I've switched to another to give it 6 months or so to recover. We have to wash all the clothes even if they haven't been worn, and its 2 washes before the smell totally goes, though it is significantly improved after 1. The cupboard where we keep overnight bags smells faintly of it all the time now because of the bags that have been there. I secretly keep my coat in the car while I am there so I don't have to get it drycleaned but it still smells faintly of it because the clothes I have been wearing underneath smell of it. I don't have a terribly sensitive sense of smell either. I have no idea what it is or what could be done about it, but there you are.

I don't really like the way they bring out leftovers that have been around for over a week and feed them to the children. I know they are probably fine but having done a food safety certificate I think I know too much. And she burns everything - I don't think its her fault, I think her oven is on the blink and its either stop or go. When she did sausages in the oven last visit they were so burned that even when you cut through the skin (which wasn't easy) there was no middle to them, its like it had all burned away.

I hate being crammed into a double bed with DH. We have a superking. I am completely aware that this is unreasonable and I don't expect them to provide guests with anything larger than a double bed but I like what I like. 7 nights of bad sleep is enough to make anyone grumpy about it. Last visit DH pushed me out of bed in his sleep because he thought we were at home and I was on his side. He gave me a nudge and I went flying out the bed! There's no furniture so you can't even have a lamp or a drink beside you in bed, and the wardrobes are all crammed with clothing from the 1970's that nobody ever wears so you have to keep your clothes in your bag.

A glass of wine is completely out the question so we bring our own and then get comments and sharp glances. (Well, he doesn't, but I do because I don't have a penis so I shouldn't drink obviously).

Its just that time of year to vent about it, honestly. There will be no granny dumping or going non contact or witholding grandchildren and there will be no staying in hotels because that would break their heart. They have no idea I feel this way and they will never find out because feelings matter more than these things.

At least they have WIFI now though!

Take something to do! Garden in summer. Walk dogs and kids in all weather. Share books, games, dvds.

I too feel claustophobic at pil house, we only visit twice a yr but yes!
Mil fusses fusses fusses, I can't do anything in peace! She walks in to my bedroom of a morn and just starts talking! I have known to be half naked and really wish she'd knock!
She follows me round the house, comments on how much or how little I'm eating. It's so so tiring!

What a snidey horrible little thread

What a nasty thread.

There have been some bad IL threads on here but this takes it to a new level.

Read a book. Always calms me down, takes me out of the situation, and if most people are just chatting about stuff you're not really involved in they don't seem to mind if I occupy myself. You're feeling over crowded, so take yourself out of your immediate surroundings in the cheapest, easiest way.

Totally with you OP, can be extremely hard work. Nothing particular, nothing personal. It's jus being cooped up together for a few days, especially in someone else's house - hard work. I get you!

OMG I thought my in laws were the only one who did the table thing! Glad to know it's not just them...

I sometimes feel like ramming my dirty toast knife into the butter dish and smearing it all over the table.

And it's only a 'horrible thread' if you have no sense of humour - I can see that this is mostly affectionate grumbling, nothing serious.
Honestly, does every single post have to be taken only at face value, and totally seriously all the time?

Do you feel the same way about staying at your parents house?

It's threads like these that me dread becoming a MIL to a woman one day.

It seems to me for every horrible MIL there's 10 even worse DIL's.

It's makes me feel so sad 😞

Dear me, what a lot of horrible comments. Life for ILs is not easy is it? Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I'm a bit now, as I have cake forks, and use them, and cake stands, and (whispers) a lazy Susan - but I don't use that!