Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A wedding one for you...

153 replies

Ninkynonkrinkydonk · 05/01/2016 09:08

Aibu to think BIL and future SIL are a couple of arseholes?

Dp and I have been planning our wedding since last year. We decided to elope and have a big dinner and party when we get back. All family are supportive of this and happy for us. Bil and Sil were often part of discussions about this too. They're both also planning their wedding, they decided to have a family wedding in Italy in August.

Yesterday we actually booked our wedding and party. Exciting day, we can't wait. We have only told a few people, BIL being one of them.

The same day after we told him, BIL says he wants to book the same venue we are booking for the party. I was a bit miffed, but it's not an actual wedding we are having there so I can't get too precious can I? Also I guess he's changed his mind on Italy then.

But then this morning, he called dp and told him he's now going to get married THE WEEK FUCKING BEFORE WE DO! The week before!

So who ibu? Can I get precious over a wedding when we aren't having guests? We've always planned on May, it's when we got engaged. I'm so mad.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 05/01/2016 21:44

tho again you will still have same problem of im not going if they are at the party/venue afterwards

littleleftie · 05/01/2016 21:49

I think I would just cancel the party altogether and tell BIL cheerfully you can save your money now and just use their wedding reception as your party - thanks BIL Grin

Cocolepew · 05/01/2016 21:55

Your BIL is an arse.
But I'm sure you know that already Grin

Griphook · 05/01/2016 22:36

Op can you not contact the venue and change your date completely, even if it means having a party before your married, obviously don't tell him, then at least people will come to yours first.
He's a real git, honestly he must have a real deep seated hatred for you both

Doobigetta · 05/01/2016 23:09

Are you SURE he isn't on a massive wind-up? I can't imagine many brides being happy to chop and change like that just to score points against the groom's family. And moving suddenly from a Saturday to a Thursday is quite a big change.
I'd leave him out of it, and tell her that you're so, so happy that you've all decided to go for a joint wedding, and it's really sweet and understanding of her to agree to cut her guest list in half so your lovely boys' family can take centre stage. Then stand back...

JellyTotCat · 07/01/2016 01:03

Have you and your dp decided what to do op?

Original poster
Ninkynonkrinkydonk · 07/01/2016 19:34

Hey. So update (sorry I haven't been on mn in a couple of days apart from to read that tapeworm thread ewww).

Bil booked his wedding. He's actually changed again and booked it for one month after we get back from eloping/getting married away/whatever you call it. Oh and he's told everyone when the date is too.

So now I think if we bugger off to get married it'll look like we are trying to upstage him!

Also regarding our party: my mum said she won't go if my dad goes. (long long story, basically sibvu but she has mental health issues so I don't want to make things worse). I don't even see the point in having a party with almost the same exact guests as bils, apart from either my mum or dad. So it's all a bit shit really. I very much doubt we will have a party now. Fucking families. I can understand why people elope Wink

We have decided to spend extra on upgrading our accommodation when we go away to compensate.

Bitchy aside: bil sent everyone a FACEBOOK invite to his wedding. Facebook.

Other shit detail: sil has made dp's ex fiance her maid of honour. sigh

OP posts:
TheMasterMurderedMargarita · 07/01/2016 19:58

Oh dear Lord ninky.
I think spending the money on yourselves is a very good idea.
Parties are so overrated Grin.
What a dick.

Cocolepew · 07/01/2016 21:12

Oh good grief!
So SIL is no better than BIL Shock

TwoLeftSocks · 07/01/2016 21:36

Crikey, they really do sound like they want to upstage you and piss you off.

If you do still want to have some sort of celebratory gathering, you could always do something totally un-weddingy so it can't be compared, like a chilled out bbq at a sunny beach in the summer time.

Do you know why they're so up for upstaging you?

derxa · 07/01/2016 21:46

You all sound a bit annoying tbh.

Original poster
Ninkynonkrinkydonk · 07/01/2016 21:47

No idea. they're wankers Dp and bil are close! We've certainly done nothing to upset them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ninkynonkrinkydonk · 07/01/2016 21:48

derxa Cheers for that Biscuit

OP posts:
theycallmemellojello · 07/01/2016 21:54

tbh if BIL told you they were booking the venue the very next day, they must have already been and looked at it. Presumably you told him, they had panic discussions that night and decided to tell you the next day. It's annoying but I don't think they've done anything wrong.

carabos · 07/01/2016 22:19

Aha - and there's the vital piece of info - "dp's ex-fiancee". All is now clear.

GinIsTheBestChristmasSpirit · 07/01/2016 22:26

Just elope and say bollocks to the party. Doesn't seem any point having 2 so close together so since you are happy to get married abroad just do that. Just go, spend your cash on a fancy pants hotel, get married and sod them all.

OVienna · 07/01/2016 22:35

Maid of honour detail really takes the biscuit. What wankers.

cranberryx · 07/01/2016 22:41

Your SIL and BIL sound really petty, immature and don't seem to have any thought for you both even though you have booked and planned a wedding reception way before them. At least you can take comfort in the fact they have no imagination if they have to copy you, of all of the venues in all of the land... I would also be peeved.

Have a brilliant wedding ceremony and honeymoon though, putting the money into the upgrade sounds like a good way to go! Smile

FeralBeryl · 08/01/2016 01:16

You all sound a bit annoying tbh

Hmm how bloody rude!
Why?

OP, they are bonkers. You just bugger off into the sunset and spend your party money on you and your DP, you can then sit back and enjoy the madness with no responsibility. Not your circus, not your monkeys....

nocoolnamesleft · 08/01/2016 01:19

Oh no! But you'd just booked your honeymoon! And now you can't go to BIL's wedding! You must be gutted. Wink

TheTigerIsOut · 08/01/2016 04:02

what a pair of cheap arses. now that you mention SIL has made your DP' ex a bridesmaid I wonder this is all a concerted effort to upset you. Obviously neither of them give a shit about your DP either.

wallywobbles · 08/01/2016 07:33

If they do this when will they be going on honeymoon? Will they ever be at your wedding?

wallywobbles · 08/01/2016 07:38

Sorry not read the update prior to posting.

Twinkie1 · 08/01/2016 07:43

It doesn't matter. What matters is you and your partner promising in front of God/whoever that you are commuting yourself to each other.

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/01/2016 08:43

Again bear with me as work nights so no brain

Bil fiancé aka Sil to be - is making your dp ex fiancé her maid of honour???

Yes a but ouchy but guess depends if Sil used to see a lot of your dp and his ex so maybe they are friends

Why not have a joint party ...,,,,,

You will be married

All the same guests

And save money :)

Blondes runs away very fast