To start a thread about the hilarious things children say?

[Farandole]

DS (4): Daddy, I don't like my name. I'd like to change it.
DH: hmm, what would you like to be called?
DS: I'd like to be called 'Low Profile'.

DH, to me: do you like to be in middle management?
DS: Daddy, I'm also in middle management at my school!
DH: really! How so?
DS: well sometimes I tell others to tidy up, and sometimes others tell me to tidy up.

:o

mummy we are a family of millennium falcons. You are mummy millennium falcon and this (holding up multi-coloured lego creation) is my baby brother millennium falcon

We have 2 kids. When 4, the youngest went to the loo and came running back out five mintues later shouting 'come and look, i done a family'.

Upon inspecting the loo we saw 2 equally sized biggun's and 2 equally sized littleuns bobbing around together. She was so very pleased with her efforts :-)

I really need to share this one. DD(3) was asking about why she has grandmas but not grandpas, and did they die. I was surprised she's heard about dying, but said yes and braced myself for difficult questions.

"In the washing machine? What colour?"

Dd1 (2.8) is insistent that every dog we see is on the 'going home to eat fish pie for tea, because it is nice'...

This post has had lots of laugh out loud moments for me. Tears rolling down the proverbial. Absolutely hilarious. Can this be nominated for "classics" ? If so, how would you go about it? I'm relatively new here.

This morning's nugget of wisdom:-

DD(7): I find your lack of face disturbing.

DS (teen): No, dd, it's lack of "faith" he says he finds your lack of faith disturbing.

DD: why would that be disturbing?! I find a lack of face much more disturbing... Especially if they've got my cold.

DS: ... You have a point.

DS2 (2.4) recently spent the day bellowing 'I want ANARCHY!' Eventually I twigged he wanted an Allen key, though that's only marginally less worrying.

My Ds (2) yelled out in sainsburys cafe "I shit, I shit" cue read faces for me and DH and some serious evils and tuts from two old ladies on the next table.
He means "I sit"

When DS3 was little he asked: "Daddy, how do you smith a robot?"
We had no idea what he meant, he said he had read it. So we asked him to show us.
It was the DVD of I Robot starring Will Smith. The cover layout used two different fonts for the film name and the actor but DS3 had just read from left to right - I Will Smith Robot.

DD2 is 21 months and was trying so hard to put a ball in her handbag type thing. She was getting really frustrated as it kept slipping out if her grasp,
For a good minuet she was stomping around the house shouting
"Ball bag! Ball bag!"

When my DS was little she saw a something that frightened her on the floor, when she asked what it was my mum replied "it's just a squashed radish"
She replied "Oooo do they bite?!"

This might out me but, at Christmas in Year 1, DS reminds me I'll be seeing the Activity Day for the Cheeses soon. Slightly confused, it transpired he mean the Nativity Play for Jesus!

And, same term, collected him at lunchtime on the day he finished for Christmas, and he tells me he's just back from Paris with his class. No, sweetheart, you're just back from the Parish Church.

Dd1 had had a poo accident at pre school the other day m. The pre-school had put her dirty underwear in a nappy sack and tied it to her bag. At pick up time she comes out and proclaims "mummy, I've got a bag of poo!" In front of all the other mums

DS 2.5 fell down and hit the bottom of his back /top of his bump
"Mummy you my tail! My tails broken!"

When I was trying to drink my coffee
"NO MUMMY you can't have it you're too young! It's too sharp! Very dangerous! Mustn't touch it!"

And
Me: no DS get down no jumping off the sofa
DS: That's not very nice mummy! That's not best friends!

My 2 year old keeps saying very loudly by way of introducing me to anyone we come across "this one's mummy. She's too prickly"

Umm...Thanks!

DS used to get bribed with a biscuit whenever we went to the supermarket. He soon cottoned on that going in the trolley meant a biscuit.

Unfortunately he began to shout as soon as we got into Tesco, 'mummy, mummy, BIG TITS, BIG TITS' at the top of his voice. Cue me hurrying to the biscuit aisle to get a packet and break it open as quick as possible!

My niece, aged 4 at the time when she spilled a drink:"It is not my fault. The cup was too small to hold how much I wanted"

My DS, 4, yesterday: "I cannot listen to you, you are a woman"

DD (3) wistfully this morning, when I asked her to put her wellies on:

"Sometimes it's hard being me"
Pause, then decisively:
"Anyway, I'm actually a duck going shopping for carrots. A real one. Mind the pretend poo, mummy!"

Dd(6), "we did R.S today. It's not all about you, you know mummy. Well, it's only all about you if you're God"...

Viking

A couple of days ago, SDD (4) fell over and pointed to where it hurt, so I told her it was her coccyx. When her dad came in, she told him that she'd hurt her cock

Also, she asked for a baby as a Christmas present. I checked if she meant a doll, but no she wants a real baby... I said 'Father Christmas doesn't make babies' and she said 'you and Father Christmas make a baby together!' no thanks...

I'm a TA in Yr2, in a Lancashire school.

Yesterday at school, I was explaining what a slave was (child thought it was the same as a sleigh).

"A slave is somebody who works hard for no wages and doesn't have a choice."

"Like you, y'mean?"

Last week during a French lesson in Yr4.

"How do French people understand each other?"

"Err... well they all speak French!"

In the same lesson.

"What is a Croque Monsieur?"

"A cheese butty Miss."

Ds 2.6, I had just got out the shower and was drying myself, he strokes my leg and says' mummy you are so cosy'
A few days later he came downstairs and had something in his hand, I asked what it was, He replied, money to put in my pocket to buy a lady.

Dd was faffing about upstairs and I said I hope you're not out of bed and she said 'I'm not messing about, I've just been to excrete'