To start a thread about the hilarious things children say?

[Farandole]

DS (4): Daddy, I don't like my name. I'd like to change it.
DH: hmm, what would you like to be called?
DS: I'd like to be called 'Low Profile'.

DH, to me: do you like to be in middle management?
DS: Daddy, I'm also in middle management at my school!
DH: really! How so?
DS: well sometimes I tell others to tidy up, and sometimes others tell me to tidy up.

:o

A few months ago, when DD was potty-training, we were walking into a shop that had a couple of disable parking spaces right outside. She pointed to the person-in-wheelchair symbol painted on the ground and said "Look Mummy, it's me on my potty!"

I've not been able to look at those symbols the same way since.

Ds who's 2 can't say his uncle's name very well. He saw his uncle in town the other day and yelled very loudly in a very busy area "Uncle Porn"(His uncle is called Paul)!!!

Unfortunately he also sounds like he's saying f**k you when he says thank you. We are working on his pronunciation!!

My favourite one though is if he does a fart he likes to yelled "fart noise" (we are trying not to use the word fart now as he starts playgroup soon). My dad was driving us somewhere the other day when ds yelled "farther noise" it was the first time my dad had heard him say it and he laughed so hard he nearly crashed the car!

Me: how many pancakes have you had DS?
DS: four. But I better have another one just in case.
Me: just in case of what?
DS: in case I only had three.

Dd, 14 and I were having an argument about something a few months back, when she came out with, "well you're just jealous because I like Coldplay and you don't"

Not my children, but some TV presenters were discussing the mind-numbingness that is I-Spy.

One presenter said the only amusing moment that particular torture had ever produced was when her son (6) and daughter (3) were playing it in the car.

Daughter: I spy with my little eye - something beginning with T!

Son: Emmmmmm............ A Unicorn?

Daughter: Correct!!!

Still tickles me when I think about it.

Two days ago:

Me "Where shall we go on holiday this year?"
DS2 (6) -"Russia"
Me - 'what?'
DS2 - "oh no, they eat other people in Russia"
DS1 (8)- "no DS2, that's in Germany"

DD2: "Treat pleeeeeeease2
DH: "No, you've already had some chocolate today"
DD2: "I've got money"

DD1: "Mummy, your coffee looks like mud"
Me: "Oh well, I like mud, I'm going to drink it anyway"
DD1: "If you drink it, you will die"

And out of nowhere from DD1 "Mummy, every time i close my eyes.........a princess dies"

DD1 is 3.5yo, DD2 is 1.5yo

My DS gets embarrassed about needing to poo (he's very small and needs to still be held under the armpits when he sits).
He has a code word that he uses to let me know he needs to go.

The problem is, he doesn't tell me the code...

'Three great big ones. Mummy' was eventually deciphered, but 'I hate whipped cream!' defeated me, I must admit

Overheard conversation between my boys.
DS1 - When I'm 20 you'll be 17.
DS2 - That's old!
DS1 - How old will Dad be then?
DS2 - Dead.

Dd2: who will you marry when you are older?
Dd1: Daddy or ds
Dd2: You can't marry them because they are related to you.
Dd1: Ok then who will you marry when you grow up?
Dd2: Mummy.
Dd1: You can't marry her because she will be too old then.

Incest is ok then dd1 but not marrying someone as ancient as me?

In town waiting on the bus the other day ds5 who is 4 1/2 and has delayed speech.decided to sing Jingle Bells,followed by i know my ABC.

He went quiet then started shouting Queens We will Rock You. followed by the claps.Me and my other 2 sons where just in stitches.

DD - Mummy, I have drawn a picture of the Primeminister.
Me - Have you?
DD - Yes, his name is David Beckham

Walking to the shop with DS and we saw a man on a moped thing who had his face covered with black apart from his eyes.

DS (pointing): Look mummy it's a Ninja!

Ispy with DT who has had delayed speech and really can't spell

I spy something beginning with CH sound

Dh and dt1 guessed for a bit until they got bored

Obviously it was train

DD aged 3- is adamant, and I mean adamant that in the nativity it's Mary, Joseph and the 'little baby cheese'

My 1 year old had a bad case of the "hubcaps" today. Hiccups.

DS1 (5) was playing Superheroes, he likes to make them up. Today he was a new hero called "Lust".

In the sorting office recently (small, confined space with queue of people, no one talking). Dd (22 months) was in a chatty mood.

D"Mummy? Daddy pooed. DADDY POOED!! POOOO!" "Mummy! Mummy POOS!"

Shaker that's not that bad! DS was adamant a few weeks before Xmas that the baby was called Queen Fez.

Me: It's an INSET day tomorrow

DD (4): Oh... ponders... Does that mean I have to bring my insect to school?

DD1 likes to fondly remember the time we went to the Tate gallery to see the Tina Turner exhibition.

She also thinks a Vienetta is a vendetta, and that Catholics who haven't been good or bad go to Pevensey, that we make New Years Revolutions and many more besides.

She's 10, with allegedly perfect hearing.

I had my very first embarrassing toddler moment with DD (22 months) yesterday. We were in the supermarket when she spotted an elderly gentleman, a bit on the large side with a bushy beard.

Cue DD pointing and bellowing "SANTA!" at the top of her lungs.

Honestly I wish the ground had opened up and swallowed me Thankfully he didn't seem to notice, but several fellow shoppers did

Cavemum my DS did something similar. He still maintains Santa travels on the number 7 bus .

Also, when I was young I apparently informed a packed (and probably shocked) church congregation that "mummy has a very hairy bottom"

Yesterday I was tempting to do a bit of sewing and kept messing it up, finally lost it a little bit with the stupid sewing machine only to have ds1 (3) interrupt me by saying 'mummy don't forget Santa is watching you'. Think I've created a rob for my own back!

Dd1 (5) pushed me into the middle of the room and said "you have reached your destination".