Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not let my ( just turned ) 16 yr old ds stay at a friends house tonight?

132 replies

SurferJet · 31/12/2015 17:17

It's New Year's Eve, I don't know the friends family ( it's a school friend ) plus there's no way of knowing if he really is staying at a friends.
It's pouring with rain & I just think he's too young.
I have let him stay at friends houses before ( not often ) but I just don't want him out on New Year's Eve.

He's in the living room sulking Xmas Sad
Aibu?

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 31/12/2015 18:35

Think pretty much everyone said speak to the parents didn't they?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 31/12/2015 18:42

Sorry OP. Just seen your update.

And this.

If it makes you feel better, I'm not allowing my 17.5 year old DD stay out overnight - I've given her a curfew of 2am and her boyfriend will be waking her home. The difference between you and me op is that I don't need my parenting decisions validated by strangers on the Internet

FelicityIf you don't need validation why did you post this? It's of no help to the OP. Do you want validation as to your being a fantastic parent? If not why bother telling us?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 31/12/2015 18:44

And while she still leaves her bedroom like a tip and seems incapable of placing a bowl in the dishwasher then I probably shan't consider her as a fully functioning adulty adult just yet

I'm 56 and a partner in a law firm. My husband would agree I leave our bedroom like a tip and stacking the dishwasher is a skill which largely has passed me by.

cardibach · 31/12/2015 18:56

ghostspirit you wrote i agree with ghostinlighthouse there is no way my 16 year old would stay over night somewhere unless i spoke to the parents and had a number. and the fact its new years makes it more concerning as well. First I refer you to what I've already written about why the disagree. Young people need to learn to risk assess for themselves if they are to grow into independent adults. I'm concerned you would expect to know your 16 yr old's patents (do you actually gave a 16yr old, or us it hypothetical?) and I'm curious as to why New a Year is more worrying - really don't get that.

nokidshere · 31/12/2015 19:02

My 17 year old wouldn't stay out overnight without asking me first. Its not something I have imposed or stopped him doing he just asks, tells me where he is going and who with and normally wants a lift!

He knows he doesn't have to, and is very independent but still does it anyway.

I prefer to know where they are so it suits me that he asks/tells me his plans, I'm certainly not going to discourage it whilst he is doing it voluntarily simply because he is over 16!

cardibach · 31/12/2015 19:09

nokids - if he knows he doesn't have to he's not really asking. My DD lets me know exactly what she's doing and when to expect her back, but that's out of courtesy, not asking for permission. That's reasonable. The suggestion that this info may be met with 'No you can't' is ludicrous.

FithColumnist · 31/12/2015 19:10

To be fair to Felicity, when I was her DR's age, my mum used to give me a "curfew", in so much as she'd say "don't be out too late tonight, you've got work tomorrow don't forget." And she'd suggest a reasonable time to be getting back from the pub. I never saw this as being controlling or not letting me grow up, I saw this as my mum caring about me. She still sometime says it now and I'm 32

New posts on this thread. Refresh page