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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not let my ( just turned ) 16 yr old ds stay at a friends house tonight?

132 replies

SurferJet · 31/12/2015 17:17

It's New Year's Eve, I don't know the friends family ( it's a school friend ) plus there's no way of knowing if he really is staying at a friends.
It's pouring with rain & I just think he's too young.
I have let him stay at friends houses before ( not often ) but I just don't want him out on New Year's Eve.

He's in the living room sulking Xmas Sad
Aibu?

OP posts:
Mrsj70 · 31/12/2015 17:37

I feel your pain as my 16 yo is staying out tonight. My concern is that I know he'll have a drink. We have had a conversation about being sensible and keeping in touch. If I speak to him and think he sounds a bit pissed, I'll be going to get him and he knows this!

TheFairyCaravan · 31/12/2015 17:37

He's 16! YABVU. Let him go out.

When our's were 16 (and younger) they'd go to a friend's house, walk into town (we don't live in town) so they could see the New Year in in the square then either we'd pick them up or they'd sleep over. They all do it.

TurnOffTheTv · 31/12/2015 17:37

What on earth has the rain got to do with it? My 15yo DD is staying at a friends tonight, the family have a big house party so she'll have way more fun there!

Maybe83 · 31/12/2015 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumeeee · 31/12/2015 17:38

YABU. Ask him for his mates number or tell him to text you when he's there.
I thought DH and I were strict when our DDs were teenagers but at 16 we would let them stay at friends even if we hadn't met the parents.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 31/12/2015 17:39

He could leave home without you being able to do a thing about it. Yabu

Peterspan · 31/12/2015 17:39

You are being very unreasonable. He is 16!

BastardGoDarkly · 31/12/2015 17:40

Awwwww dont be tight! Get parents number, check it's all above board and let him go!

catfordbetty · 31/12/2015 17:41

NYE with the rents and Jools Holland? Cruel treatment for a 16 YO.

cardibach · 31/12/2015 17:42

YABVU. At 16 you can't expect to know the friend's parents anymore. Since NYE is a special occasion it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask to speak to them (to make sure it's ok with them, not to check up on him) but it wouldn't be unreasonable not to either. The rain is neither here nor there.
By 16 if you don't trust him you have bigger problems than what he might do in the rain on NYE.

Original poster
SurferJet · 31/12/2015 17:42

I feel really bad now.

OP posts:
Pigzoom · 31/12/2015 17:43

YABU!! You need to trust him

rosebiggs · 31/12/2015 17:43

Can't he phone his friend and go round now?

cardibach · 31/12/2015 17:43

Also the PP who suggest he texts every hour is worryingly over protective.

ShatnersBassoon · 31/12/2015 17:43

Have you tried to check with the friend's parents? It's still early enough for him to go isn't it?

Savagebeauty · 31/12/2015 17:43

And I know mine will be drinking.
But if he has a bad head tomorrow that's his problem.
I expect I will too Grin

Scarydinosaurs · 31/12/2015 17:44

Just tell him you've changed his mind, ask for their number, call and thank them and relax!

secondhoneymoon · 31/12/2015 17:44

No, don't feel bad. You are right to want to know where he is and who he's with. And I do know how hard this is. It's part of letting them grow up and you letting go. Still look out for where he is and who he's with

Duckdeamon · 31/12/2015 17:45

So sort it out so he can go!

Original poster
SurferJet · 31/12/2015 17:45

After all your comments I've said he can go - but I'm going to drop him at his friends house just so I know exactly where he is.
Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
sugar21 · 31/12/2015 17:45

YABU
Get the other parents phone number and get him to text you. Even if he texts Yo Ma at least you know he's ok.
My dd is 16 and all I get is Yo Hmm

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 31/12/2015 17:46

No you don't need to feel bad for worrying about your son. I'm sorry that you've been made to feel that way. There are parents out there that dont give a shit.

FelicityFixIt · 31/12/2015 17:46

If it makes you feel better, I'm not allowing my 17.5 year old DD stay out overnight - I've given her a curfew of 2am and her boyfriend will be waking her home. The difference between you and me op is that I don't need my parenting decisions validated by strangers on the Internet. Honestly, there's no right or wrong here ..Id suggest a compromise and agree some ground rules with him. But ultimately he is your child and you should do what's best for you:him

BathshebaDarkstone · 31/12/2015 17:47

YABU. He's 16. When are you going to stop mollycoddling him? Hmm

KurriKurri · 31/12/2015 17:49

I don't understand your fears about him staying out (and it is obviously not just a NYE thing as you say you haven't often let him stay over with friends before now) Maybe if you could articulate your fears it would help - what are you frightened will happen to him? What are you worried he will do - does he have form for out of control behaviour?

Do you allow him to have friends to stay - and if you do, do you consider yourself to be a responsible person in charge of others people's children? If so I think you have to show a bit of trust in other parents.

I would let him stay over. Get the other parents phone number. Get him to text you during the evening if it would make you feel better. text him happy new year at midnight.