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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not let my ( just turned ) 16 yr old ds stay at a friends house tonight?

132 replies

SurferJet · 31/12/2015 17:17

It's New Year's Eve, I don't know the friends family ( it's a school friend ) plus there's no way of knowing if he really is staying at a friends.
It's pouring with rain & I just think he's too young.
I have let him stay at friends houses before ( not often ) but I just don't want him out on New Year's Eve.

He's in the living room sulking Xmas Sad
Aibu?

OP posts:
LordBrightside · 31/12/2015 17:58

Well done, good decision.

Salene · 31/12/2015 17:59

Just seen you have let him go, nice one 👍🏻. Hope he has a fun night.

GabiSolis · 31/12/2015 17:59

What usual said. I'm stunned about a curfew for a 17.5 year old. Odd.

FelicityFixIt · 31/12/2015 18:00

No Usual. You're wrong. Parenting doesn't stop at 17, although im sure you know this. It changes and if you're a parent who still likes to place some boundaries in the home then yeah, you discuss decent times to be home. I care where she is and who she is with - not because I wish to micro manage her life but because I want to be aware that she's ok and have some idea of what she's up to.

Lurkedforever1 · 31/12/2015 18:00

Yabu. Dd has just turned 12 and I've just got back from dropping her off at a party where she'll then be staying over. Met the parents once briefly at someone elses bday party and again just now.

New Years eve really isn't the time to make a reluctant teen join in with family when they want to be with friends.

SanityClause · 31/12/2015 18:00

Not letting him go out because you will worry doesn't benefit him, it benefits you. He loses out, so you don't have the discomfort of worrying.

I do appreciate where you are coming from; my 16yo was at the Reading festival this summer. It was hard to know she had almost unfettered access to drink and drugs. I had to trust in her to be sensible, and if she wasn't, at least it doesn't appear that there have been lasting consequences!

The letting go bit of being a parent is hard!

Flowers for you.

LilaTheTiger · 31/12/2015 18:01

I like the idea the 16 year olds melt in the rain Grin

I can't get a coat on a teenager for love nor money.

FelicityFixIt · 31/12/2015 18:02

Ah, it's only odd in mumsnet! Grin

In real life it works fine because well, it just does

It might not wrk if you have a teen who doesn't give a fuck though so I should count myself lucky

Lurkedforever1 · 31/12/2015 18:02

X-post. Well done on changing your mind.

Notimefortossers · 31/12/2015 18:02

Lol. I moved out of home when I was 16 Wink

usual · 31/12/2015 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FelicityFixIt · 31/12/2015 18:04

I know Usual. And that time will come when she no longer lives at home. And of course, at 18 I don't expect a curfew , just respectful behaviour I suppose.

16 is not the cut off for parenting

usual · 31/12/2015 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GabiSolis · 31/12/2015 18:04

No Felicity, I doubt it's only odd on MN!

You should count yourself lucky you have a teen who hasn't yet figured out she doesn't need your permission to be out as long as she wants!

Bakeoffcake · 31/12/2015 18:04

Good plan OP.

I cannot believe someone is telling a 17.5 year old when she has to come home.Shock

I was pretty strict with my two DDs but once they got into sixth form there's no way I'd be telling them when to come home!

FelicityFixIt · 31/12/2015 18:05

And while she still leaves her bedroom like a tip and seems incapable of placing a bowl in the dishwasher then I probably shan't consider her as a fully functioning adulty adult just yet

Helenluvsrob · 31/12/2015 18:05

Good call op.

My 16yr old is sleeping over with friends. Dh is taking her so he knows where she is and will say hello to the parents ( we've not met them but the kids have been here before ).

As I always say to the kids though - we will fetch you if needed without any yelling for getting legless or the party turning rowdy. That means dh won't drink but that's ok.

Bakeoffcake · 31/12/2015 18:06

"I have a teenager who gives a fuck"

So do most people on this threadHmm

usual · 31/12/2015 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goingtobeawesome · 31/12/2015 18:06

SurferJet, don't feel bad about not wanting him to go. You are allowed to parent differently from everyone else.

I'm currently hosting a school friend who was dropped off without the parents even coming to the door. DH said we could be axe murderers! People just do things differently.

FelicityFixIt · 31/12/2015 18:07

She knows full well I can do nothing to enforce a curfew. I don't issue them as ultimatums!

But that's the great thing about being a parent! I do it my way and you do it yours

FelicityFixIt · 31/12/2015 18:07

The bedroom was a bad example Grin

BackInTheRealWorld · 31/12/2015 18:08

Wow this is the first time I have ever seen an AIBU go like this.

Op - AIBU?
Everyone else (apart from Felicity) - Yes!
Op - Ooooh blimey, ok I will take your advice.

This never happens!

Nice one op, happy new year!

Alisvolatpropiis · 31/12/2015 18:09

Glad a solution both you and your son are happy with has been reached.

Happy New Year!

FelicityFixIt · 31/12/2015 18:10

Ok what's your opinion on this ?

She has got herself her first boyfriend and it's been a month. He's a lovely lad, 18, very nice and kind to her and I like him.

She's asked to stay at his house. I said no, it's been a month, come and talk to me about this when you've been together 6 months. He lives with his family , by the way. And I've not said no because of what they may or may not be doing. I've said no because she's been with him a month .

Hit me with it

Would you allow it?