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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not let my ( just turned ) 16 yr old ds stay at a friends house tonight?

132 replies

SurferJet · 31/12/2015 17:17

It's New Year's Eve, I don't know the friends family ( it's a school friend ) plus there's no way of knowing if he really is staying at a friends.
It's pouring with rain & I just think he's too young.
I have let him stay at friends houses before ( not often ) but I just don't want him out on New Year's Eve.

He's in the living room sulking Xmas Sad
Aibu?

OP posts:
rosebiggs · 31/12/2015 17:49

Our work here is done.

Original poster
SurferJet · 31/12/2015 17:49

I know I shouldn't be asking strangers but I don't always know if I'm right or wrong?
I find parenting a bit hard sometimes but I worry so much about him.

OP posts:
Shinyshoes2 · 31/12/2015 17:50

YABVU mine is 15 and staying at a friends house tonight

ThornyBird · 31/12/2015 17:50

Good plan Op - our eldest is younger (14) so we can still get away with insisting on phone numbers/addresses and dropping them off so we can meet parents Wink.

Kbear · 31/12/2015 17:50

My 16 yo DD is going to a party tonight - I don't know the people but I know the friends she is going with and staying with tonight - the mum picking them up at 1.30..... she says. I have to trust her. I brought her up to be sensible and make good choices about her safety (drinking/alleyways etc.. lol) but ultimately she is a young adult and she must make her own way and make her own decisions.

I understand how you feel - but time marches on and the last place on EARTH I wanted to be when I was 16 was with my parents. Dull as shit. As parents, we must let them live a little, as much as you want them with you, as a family, it changes and we have to accept it. Us poor mums feel it most I think.

Poor DS is stuck in with me today, with a chinese and movie! He's 14 so got nowhere to go!

GabiSolis · 31/12/2015 17:50

Good compromise OP.

Felicity Shock

usual · 31/12/2015 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

girlguide123 · 31/12/2015 17:50

well done for changing your mind - I'm sure he'll be fine and is very pleased you're allowing him to go.

we have daughter's boyfriend staying the night here - I'm pleased because it means he will escort her home to ours safely.

Happy New Year!

CPtart · 31/12/2015 17:51

My just 13 year old DS is on a sleepover with friends tonight, some I've never met. But I've met his mum on drop off and know where he is. I'd rather he was at home tbh but he's growing up.
YABU

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 31/12/2015 17:51

YABU. If you are in Scotland you are being doubly unreasonable.

girlguide123 · 31/12/2015 17:52

and isn't the whole point of AIBU to get opinions that might differ from our own and see what others think?

ignore the sarky comments and try and enjoy NYE without worrying xx

usual · 31/12/2015 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kbear · 31/12/2015 17:52

Good decision - he will thank you for it.

It gets easier the more he goes out. And don't make him text you every hour. Say just text him at 10 and say - you ok? - and he'll reply yes and that will do.

LordBrightside · 31/12/2015 17:52

Totally unreasonable. The boy is 16. He can work, pay taxes, marry and (in Scotland) vote.

Behave yourself. This is about control and your ego. Stop now.

livvylongpants · 31/12/2015 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DinosaursRoar · 31/12/2015 17:53

Op - good compromise - i'm not at this stage yet, but it seems the transition from child to adult and the "wibbly" bit inbetween when they're not really one nor other is the hardest bit to get right.

TheFuckitBuckit · 31/12/2015 17:53

We have stopped my 12 year old dd staying at her friends house for the same reasons (barring the rain as that is totally irrelevant) I don't know the friend or the parents and they are having a house party tonight. we have a few trust issues with her at the moment so can't guarantee that she wouldn't be out in the streets/at someone else's house or deciding that tonight would be good time to try alcohol for the first time. So until she is older will be staying home. But she is only 12.
Both ds's stayed out at new year at the age of 16, you have got to let them go sometime. If you are that worried then double check with the parents.

CPtart · 31/12/2015 17:54

Just seen your update. Well done. He'll have a great time.

Original poster
SurferJet · 31/12/2015 17:54

I'm dropping him off & picking him up in the morning.
He's very happy now.
Thanks again everyone.
Happy new year to you all 🍾🍾🍾🍾

OP posts:
FelicityFixIt · 31/12/2015 17:54

Well the curfew works because we chat about it and I say ' I'd like you home by such and such a time because you have college / homework to do ' and she says ' yeah ok '

I call it umm parenting? It's not about my ego or trying to control her. She's obviously pretty respectful because she doesn't just do what she fancies

TheFuckitBuckit · 31/12/2015 17:55

Oops x posted, good decision op.

usual · 31/12/2015 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsUltra · 31/12/2015 17:57

Well done OP!
FWIW, I wish my 16 yo was staying tonight at his friends' instead of getting a night bus home...

longtimelurker101 · 31/12/2015 17:57

Totally understand the worry, but you have to give them the chance! DD2 is not going out tonight but is having people here, one parent that we don't know rang to check and we didn't think anything of it, why not do that?

Salene · 31/12/2015 17:58

Totally unreasonable let the poor kid go out and have some fun

Time to loosen the noose round his neck

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