Lingerie from DH for Christmas

[fatbottomedgirl100]

Looking for an objective view as I might be being unreasonable here.

DH and I have been having problems with our sex live, it's down from many times a week to maybe once a fortnight. He's not happy with this and we've discussed it previously but haven't sorted it out yet. Tbh I've lost some of my attraction to him and we've been leading increasingly separate lives.

His Christmas present to me this year was two sets of lingerie, one nice expensive set and one cheap but quite funny set. I'm gutted... the nice set doesn't fit (I've gained a stone or so recently) and isn't something I would chose to wear and I feel like they we both Christmas gifts for him rather than me since he's keen to up the frequency of the sex and wants me to dress up for him.

I would have liked something to do with my hobbies or interests rather than a sex related gift... It makes me feel under pressure and like he's just thinking about what he wants rather than something I might like. AIBU?

In case it's relevant, my gift to him was two things related to his two separate hobbies, both of which he seemed to like. And his last 3 gifts to me have been fancy knickers (As he doesn't like my admittedly large M&S ones) and some of those kits with tiny pants and bras and hats. So I'm not short of lingerie as it is...

Exactly, Practice. Context is all. Bran, wicked et al, you need to think a little bit harder about this if you think it's OK to laugh and criticise the OP in this case.

I would love gardening gloves for Christmas . Because that's my hobby. Just like the OP said in her first post.

She bought him things he wanted for his hobby .

He bought her things he wanted for him.

I don't see why this is so hard to grasp . It's not about the purchase or wearing of underwear , it's about the context.

And I also want to know about the sex hat .

No criticism of the OP at all...more questioning why her DH would give her such bizarre gifts.

Saga, I mean those posts that basically tell the OP she's being silly or cruel and it's perfectly fine to buy lingerie for your partner. It's pretty clear that, in this case and context, it's NOT fine.

Genuine question, not joking about it – was the hat thing really a typo? What for?

If not, and again, genuine question, are there lingerie sets that come with hats?

Oh ffs onlylovers just give it a rest with your "genuine question"

Sorry, what, Practice?

Ugh, I had this too. No roleplay outfits, but only underwear for presents. He was always trying to pressure me into having more sex, and I felt that he considered any other kind of present as a waste - here was an excellent opportunity for him to guilt me into sex, why waste it? When it was actually just another turn-off to add to turn-off mountain.

If you want to titter and sneer at someone else's problems go elsewhere is what I mean. Genuine question my arse

Sorry, I'm not getting it, Practice. Why are you using aggressive language to me? Why are you assuming I'm tittering? Do my previous posts suggest I'm not sympathetic to the OP?

Yeah it's really disrespectful and I'd be so disappointed. Bit chill out, mkay? A bit of silliness might cheer the OP up. If this was my RL friend I'd be asking about the hats to get her to laugh a bit.

I think I can help all the confused - the kits with underwear and hats are called roleplay outfits - sexy nurse, sexy maid, sexy meter maid - basically cheap and nasty underwear, with some kind of hat which is there to explain the role in question as bra and knickers don't tend to tell much of a story. There you go.

I mean the gifts are disrespectful, to be clear.

Your constant questions about the hat do suggest that yes onlylovers

Thanks, snowflake. That makes sense, but what a shit gift. OP I'd seriously be questioning his respect for you.

I got lingerie for Christmas but I surprise DP with new underwear anyway and we both like the dressing up lark. So I did not feel pressured, I like it and it fits and I had other presents.

To get lingerie as a present to spice up your sex life when you already feel under pressure is not good but a typical bloke response.

You need to talk with your DH and say how you feel. Tell him what might make you more in the mood for sex.

'constant questions'? I asked once. Three posts of mine are in sympathy with the OP and do not mention the hat thing. I'm asking because I genuinely do not know if it's a typo or not.

I don't know how much more plainly I can put it, and I don't know why you're making these assumptions about my motives for asking.

Snowflake, that makes sense, thank you.

DH and I have been having problems with our sex live, it's down from many times a week to maybe once a fortnight. He's not happy with this and we've discussed it previously but haven't sorted it out yet. Tbh I've lost some of my attraction to him and we've been leading increasingly separate lives.

Hello OP. I'm very surprised what I'm reading on some of these posts. This is the only paragraph that really matters in your post. The rest is just filler. The problem isn't the gift itself but the context - you clearly don't fancy the guy any more. I can guarantee that if you were lusting after the guy you'd love the gift.

As for having to buy gifts related to your hobbies. No, no, no, no, no. One of your friends might do that, your roommate, your parents, a colleague at work. Who is this guy? Is he your husband, your lover? In my experience guys fall into categories for girls. Some are creepy, pests when they lust after you (think the dirty old man at work). Others you'd LOVE to be lusting after you (the rock star, the hunky captain of the football team). If your husband has fallen into the first category then your marriage is over. Choice of gifts is pretty irrelevant at this stage.

He's a bit thick to not realise that if the previous three occasions where he gave her similarly shit presents didn't fix it, more of the same was highly unlikely to work...

Is this still Mumsnet??

Choice of gifts is pretty irrelevant at this stage.

It could not be MORE relevant! What a silly post.

Think a lot of non Mums posting here I'm off

Oi, I'm not a mum!

Yes and because he's her husband/lover/whatever she's not entitled to expect thoughtful gifts that are about her and not about what she can do for him? She is more than sex, she is a person and she is perfectly within her rights to expect more.

Ugh.

Holger yes thick and totally insensitive

In fact isn't that the definition of insanity according to Einstein? To keep doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results