fucking play station

[FlatOnTheHill]

DS glued to the poxy thing. He is 15 a good boy. Does go out and see mates so sociable. Does not bring me amy trouble. Studies hard at school. Somim very lucky. But when he is on that thing, I call it 'the machine'. He plays GTA with mates and all you can hear is him shouting out ya mother fucker" or fucking get ouuut my way or oi you ya silly prick etc etc.

I have spoken to my friends about this and work colleagues and they say their sons are the same
Would point out does not act like this when not on play station.
AIBU in wanting to launch the fucking thing out the window or accidentally on purpose cut the wires. He has been on GTA for about a year. Drives me nuts. And when I go flying in his bedroom to tell him off he goes mad shouting at me. As I said only behaves like this when on that poxy 'machine'

I don't need an excuse to exert authority and control. Thats my job as a parent.*

No it isn't. Your job is to treat your children with respect and encourage them, not act like a dictator

Agree with TaliZorah.

Some very negative, authoritarian and unpleasant attitudes towards young people on display here.

LordBrightside I've seen it a lot on here and I'm really surprised by it. My parents were very relaxed with me, I would have hated to be treated like an imbecile like some parents do to their children.

One in three women will suffer violence in her life. Up to 3 million women suffer violence every year in the UK. Most (if not all) women suffer some kind of sexual harassment/abuse/assault at some point. Online harassment and abuse of women is widespread. Studies have found that a worrying and disturbing number of men are rapists (although most will never be caught). 1 in 4 in Asia and 1 in 16 in the US (although some studies found as high as 1 in 7) men are rapists. As many as 1 in 3 men say that they would rape if they could get away with it. That is a very contested statistic based on how you ask, so feel free to discount it.

We live in a culture where women are treated horribly. Rape and violence are normalized. Let's not pretend these men who abuse women come from nowhere. If not suggesting that playing CoD or GTA makes someone a rapists or abuser. I do think that living in a culture that thinks that GTA is 'just a racing game' is a problem and that men who abuse use this kind of thing to normalize it for themselves.

I also wonder if the people that let their children play these games spend any time every day talking about consent, and women in the media, and equality. Because they are receiving their socialization from somewhere.

I think with toddlers and very young children, in a lot of cases it needs to be "my way or the highway". As children mature and grow it's a parents job to guide them to make good life choices. I'm not saying there aren't some occasions where it's not up for debate, but there is a case for allowing them to make supervised choices, discussing those and allowing DC to deal with the consequences. There are loads of things I'd like my DC to do, take more excercise, eat more vegetables etc but there is no way that I can force a child who is much taller and bigger built than me to put his swimming gear on and go for a swim. All I can do is guide him. I can however make life a bit more boring in the house by switching of the wifi for a while and encouraging him to go out :)

To be fair my two are fairly compliant most of the time and they do recognise the need to take a break and get washed and dressed and brush their teeth and get a good nights sleep and go to school and work hard etc etc etc

Given that I have two teenagers in the house who are doing well and I haven't had to raise my voice or do more than shoot a vaguely disappointed look every now and then, I'm pretty ok with allowing them games above their age.

tali so you are saying you would be perfectly happy for your 15 year old to shout and swear at you if you had requested them to stop doing something? Something which is 18c rated? It's nothing to do with treating them like imbeciles if they want respect they need to earn it and shouting at someone for being asked to stop doing something that you don't like is not showing shared respect

Yes dd, you imbecile! You may not watch a man being gagged and buggered

I said upthread, my daughter is mature, trustworthy and an absolute star. I am soooo the opposite of the parent you are painting a picture of.

I don't need to 'police' her. She's pretty damn good at considering her options and making responsible choices.

Hot if I asked my teenager to stop playing GTA and got a "oh ffs mum why are you being a knob" or something I'd think that was completely normal teenage behaviour.

Me and my dad regularly swear at each other playing games. Gamers swear. I don't see the problem

I also wonder if the people that let their children play these games spend any time every day talking about consent, and women in the media

Good point actually - DH has recorded a programme for teens that was on about precisely that topic which we are going to st and watch with them over the holidays. neither has a girlfriend or socialises with girls yet but I want them to to be clear on what appropriate behaviour when they do.

"Don't judge me until you have teenagers"

A. I'm not judging. I'm opining
B. I do have teenagers. To of the buggers darlings

tali fair enough if that is normal for you but I and many others in this thread would not find that acceptable. As I said before DH and I are gamers and manage to play online without swearing (a lot of young sounding people using vulgar words though ) so don't see how a 15 year old, if as mature as claimed, can't play without using those horrible words when asked

Hot I'm just surprised, I mean most people I know see that as normal so I find it strange that on MN people get so worked up and swearing and other minor things. People seem so strict.

Swearings just words it's nothing to do with maturity?

I don't have teenagers but sounds like he's acting that way to impress his mates he'll be playing with. Is he using a mic whilst racing? Mum walks in and he'll get all sweary to look "big" in front of his mates like "I can swear in front of my mum." My brother was like that, still is. He's 25 now.

Tali calling your mum a knob is not normal teenager behaviour.

tali I do understand where you are coming from and in reality low level swearing would most likely be ignored but things like shouting motherfucker and prick loud enough so others in the house can hear it is not acceptable to me, I just don't like swearing especially words like that.

As I said though what one parent finds acceptable another will find unacceptable, so swearing is normal and ok with you it really isn't with me and shouting at me would be dealt with a consequence

I don't care about swearing generally, but motherfucker crosses a line. GTA is horrible and I wouldn't let my teenager play it, while accepting they'd probably play it at a friend's house. Virtual participation in violence against women? Not good.

And it is in my experience. I've been called worse by my mum swearing wasn't an issue in my house, wasn't in any of my friends either. Still isn't in most people's now. MN is weirdly strict about things

Hot you're right different things will annoy different people. Im just surprised by the general agreement on MN because to me this is a non issue, so I thought it would be more divided

I have a 15 year old boy & would be horrified if I heard him using language like that in the house. He also isn't allowed GTA.
I'm under no illusions though that his language is probably very different when with his mates & that if they have GTA that he plays on it. I just let that go over my head.

I've spent a great deal of time speaking to him about consent after hearing about that particular part of GTA & I have to say they had covered it hugely at school already.

OP his personality definitely alters when he has been on the play station for a significant amount of time & I hate it. DH isn't a gamer & doesn't really get the obsession, so we both have a fairly low tolerance for negative behaviour linked to it.

As someone else said before it probably depends on upbringing too, perhaps a lot of posters were brought up to not swear In front of parents or other elders and that's where the feeling of it being disrespectful comes from.

And I personally think the problem here is that the ops sons behaviour is negatively changing while playing on his PlayStation, I'd be interested to know if the swearing only happens with that game or on all games he plays?

Hot yeah I bet that's what it is. My parents weren't bothered about it so to me it's minor whereas if you've been bought up with the idea it's disrespectful you'll continue with that.

Loads of young people do swear though. Maybe just not at home!

Yep I agree I used to swear at school or with friends, just not at home or In front of my parents and when I left school I've hardly swore since. I realise that my children will swear when out and about with friends etc but that doesn't mean I have to accept it in my house or have them swearing in front of grandparents etc and when their friends are here they will told these expectations also

I was always strict about slang and swearing when mine were young as it's important that they learn how to communicate effectively and also know when that sort of language is appropriate and when it isn't. It's worked for me as I don't bother so much now that they are teens as I know they will speak differently amongst their friends than they do at home or school or when visiting granny etc. It's that ability to differentiate and self police that I wanted them to have and it seems to have worked. I also accept that it might not be anything to do with how we parented and that is just how mine are :)

I was brought up on a very rough council estate as was DH. I probably swear more than my children do but I try not to do it in the house/in front of them. tbf my parents weren't big swearers either though my mum hated us calling each other liars when we were kids but didn't mind us using bitch so much...

sigh

We've got to that point where the kids are all bored in the school holidays again .