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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell ex and his wife to fuck off with their orthorexic bullshit around the DC

149 replies

Objectsintherearview · 28/12/2015 00:28

DC are not overweight. Not by sight, not by NHS BMI test, not by year R or year 6 weight checks. They fit in their age clothes, they all take after school sports classes. They are FINE.

I am super stick skinny. Exs wife is also super skinny. One DD is also super skinny and the other one (who's weight is fine!) is normal, not skinny but not fat. Lovely curvy bum and hips (puberty started last year).

Ex and wife are uber healthy, clean eating, crossfitting, yoga going, nutribullet drinking, vegetarian gluten free obsessives.

We maintain a healthy relationship of surface conversation, how are you's, clap for DC and leave type behaviour.

Two weeks ago exs wife/step mum starts talking to me about how "brave" DD is for wearing leggings and a crop top, not many teenagers would unless they were super skinny, isn't peer pressure so hard on them. Then says she worries at how easily DD puts on weight and what a struggle it will be for her when she's older if she doesn't moderate her eating patterns. Especially as I'm (me) "so thin" Hmm.

Other incidents include: all food at their house is now gluten free (no celiac dx, but just because its healthier?!)

Replacing meals with smoothies (nutribullet stuff instead of breakfast/lunch)

Telling DD she needs to eat a specific amount of protein/fats before an exam and EXACTLY to the minute how long beforehand.

An obsession with how thin the girls 'should' be. Normal weight not ok, thin/skinny is the goal. DS seems to have escaped, just the girls will be happier if they are thin. This refers back to the conversation concerning how difficult it is for teenage girls who aren't the 'ideal'. DD is not a naturally skinny person, she has an arse and hips but is well within the healthy weight range.

The comment that has brought it to a head is DD coming home v upset from weekend contact over a joke made by her dad at the table about how much DD eats and that everyone should guard their plates Angry. I tore a strip off him and he says it was just a joke and DD knows it was.

Their life revolves around exercise and food and I don't think it's healthy for them to put their issues onto children. The oldest of who is 9!

Ex says he is just trying to set them up for the healthiest life he can. I think they have huge control issues around food and exercise and need to back the fuck off.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Objectsintherearview · 28/12/2015 00:30

Sorry oldest 13, next DD is 9. DS is 7

OP posts:
LordBrightside · 28/12/2015 00:33

They sound absolutely fucking mental. Tell them to stop it now, non-negotiable.

magoria · 28/12/2015 00:33

It isn't a joke if it upsets people.

They are giving your dd a complex which may lead to an eating disorder.

thelaundryfairy · 28/12/2015 00:33

You are being reasonable. Your daughter´s stepmother´s comments about the leggings etc. were potentially very dangerous, and not appropriate. Gluten free food is not healthier and nutritionists have warned repeatedly that by removing gluten from their diets, non-coeliac people can actually bring on intolerances and are generally reducing the nutritional value of their diets, to their detriment. It is bizarre that your ex-husband and his new wife are so into ¨health" yet don´t know this.

Please speak to them and ask them to be more careful about making any diet-related comments in front of the children.

Curiouserandcuriouser30 · 28/12/2015 00:35

You are definitely, definitely, not BU. I am Shock and Angry at the comments made to your DD.

It sounds like a toxic environment for all the children involved. IMO there is a line between encouraging heathy behaviours, and creating issues around food. That line has been crossed.

Original poster
Objectsintherearview · 28/12/2015 00:35

Other incidents include the two minutes of oil pulling they have to do after brushing their teeth. A general obsession with coconut oil curing all their ills. Not giving calpol when DS was ill but issuing manuka honey instead (for a chest infection). Constant discussions around how "clean" certain foods are.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 28/12/2015 00:38

They are fucking morons and you need to go in hard and fast on this crap, because their ridiculous, unscientific bullshit is going to harm your DDs. Tell them that one more incident of this will lead to contact stopping. And encourage your DDs, in the mean time, to laugh at them and their silly unhealthy eating habits.

Original poster
Objectsintherearview · 28/12/2015 00:41

What pisses me off more than anything is that it's all mainly aimed at oldest DD because she isn't naturally skinny. But she is FINE. She's never going to be stick thin, it's not her build. She isn't fucking brave for showing her stomach, she hasn't got anything to hide! And this idea that its going to be heard for her because all the other females in the family are skinny. It won't be an issue if everyone stops banging on about it.

OP posts:
ouryve · 28/12/2015 00:41

You really need to put your foot down. Their batshit paltrow-esqueattitude is causing harm to your kids which could stick with them through adulthood.

ouryve · 28/12/2015 00:42

spacebar fail

paltrow-esque attitude

FlatOnTheHill · 28/12/2015 00:45

They sound fucking awful. Are they mad. I dont blame you for being annoyed. She is not overweight. Their mental obsessions could be damaging for a young girl. OP you need a serious chat with these health freaks.

Original poster
Objectsintherearview · 28/12/2015 00:46

Yes Solid, the conversation tonight went exactly like that. Was met with a wall of: different house different rules, trying to do our best for the DC, we are happier living this lifestyle, DC won't get sick as much?

They get sick as much as any other kid. The health obsession seems to centre on food curing/preventing any illness. Step mum v perplexed over why they get ill since they were all breastfed. Breast milk is clean btw Hmm

I ended the conversation telling ex to fuck off and have some kids with her and that it might give them something else todo.

Not my finest moment.

OP posts:
FlatOnTheHill · 28/12/2015 00:47

2 minutes of oil pulling Confused they sound unbearable

thelaundryfairy · 28/12/2015 00:48

"Clean" as an adjective to describe food Xmas Angry Angry Xmas Angry Angry Xmas Angry Angry

Bakeoffcake · 28/12/2015 00:50

Angry they are batshit crazy.

Arrange a meeting with them both and tell them this has to stop or you will take action regarding contact.

I'd also keep a record of everything that is being said.

Original poster
Objectsintherearview · 28/12/2015 00:53

Yes "clean" Angry

And DS now comments on how clean my food is or isn't. And I've gone completely the other way and start waving big slabs of cake around and shoving it my gob whilst laughing about food being clean.

OP posts:
thelaundryfairy · 28/12/2015 00:55

Objects I would be doing the same thing and suggesting the kids are fed wine as it´s made from nice clean gluten free grapes. (I get deeply immature when I am surrounded by super serious people).

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 28/12/2015 00:57

Do they make the children do the oil pulling? Did I understand that correctly? Hoping that's the case. If not, how on earth can anyone get a child to even put coconut oil in their mouth, let alone swish it round?
That's very controlling and loopy.
The food thing is a huge pita at the very least. Maybe you could point out to your exh that it wion't be too long before your dd votes with her feet and decides not to visit him if this not-so-subtle 'concern' carries on.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/12/2015 00:58

How they live their life and choose to maintain their health isn't the issue.
Fat shaming your DD is most definitely the issue, bad because she isn't even actually fat, although it would be bloody horrific if she were fat - can you imagine!!

They might be trying to do the best for the DC's health, but that does NOT involve trying to impose super-thinness on people for whom it isn't a natural state, and it certainly doesn't involve ""joking"" (so bad I've double inverted comma'd it) about her stealing food off others' plates, or being "brave" !!

It's not their lifestyle that's at fault, it's their bloody judgemental attitude. Tell them to back the fuck off or they won't be seeing the DC again - you're not having them put the idea that there's anything wrong with the DC in their heads! Bloody idiots.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 28/12/2015 00:59

So sorry hoping that's not the case.

Atenco · 28/12/2015 00:59

The oil pulling and gluten-free diet when on visits will not do them any harm and there is a lot to be said for not using Calpol to calm a fever. But why on earth does everyone have to be skinny, anyway?

FreakinScaryCaaw · 28/12/2015 01:03

I'd be seeing a professional and yes keeping a log.

Am just totally gobsmacked. Poor dcs Sad

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 28/12/2015 01:04

If eldest DD is 13, then she's old enough to decide about contact herself. I have never offered this as advice before. But honestly, just ask her if she wants to keep up contact and if she doesn't... Stop it. This orthorexic shizz is damaging and she doesn't need to hear it.

Original poster
Objectsintherearview · 28/12/2015 01:05

Yes the DC do the oil pulling (this is a new thing, can't see it lasting long). Agree re calpol. It was their decision to give or not. I used it as an example of food curing illness from their pov.

Atenco, YES! Why does DD need to be skinny? Because step mum sees it as her ideal? Because it's healthier? Because women are happier if they don't have to watch their weight? These are the reasons I've been given. It's such bullshit!

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/12/2015 01:06

Having said that, I don't agree with replacing meals with smoothies. Too much of a sugar hit in those nutribullet smoothies, with nothing to slow the absorption and no need to chew. No chewing = less saliva => bad for digestion and for the teeth.