To tell ex and his wife to fuck off with their orthorexic bullshit around the DC

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DC are not overweight. Not by sight, not by NHS BMI test, not by year R or year 6 weight checks. They fit in their age clothes, they all take after school sports classes. They are FINE.

I am super stick skinny. Exs wife is also super skinny. One DD is also super skinny and the other one (who's weight is fine!) is normal, not skinny but not fat. Lovely curvy bum and hips (puberty started last year).

Ex and wife are uber healthy, clean eating, crossfitting, yoga going, nutribullet drinking, vegetarian gluten free obsessives.

We maintain a healthy relationship of surface conversation, how are you's, clap for DC and leave type behaviour.

Two weeks ago exs wife/step mum starts talking to me about how "brave" DD is for wearing leggings and a crop top, not many teenagers would unless they were super skinny, isn't peer pressure so hard on them. Then says she worries at how easily DD puts on weight and what a struggle it will be for her when she's older if she doesn't moderate her eating patterns. Especially as I'm (me) "so thin" .

Other incidents include: all food at their house is now gluten free (no celiac dx, but just because its healthier?!)

Replacing meals with smoothies (nutribullet stuff instead of breakfast/lunch)

Telling DD she needs to eat a specific amount of protein/fats before an exam and EXACTLY to the minute how long beforehand.

An obsession with how thin the girls 'should' be. Normal weight not ok, thin/skinny is the goal. DS seems to have escaped, just the girls will be happier if they are thin. This refers back to the conversation concerning how difficult it is for teenage girls who aren't the 'ideal'. DD is not a naturally skinny person, she has an arse and hips but is well within the healthy weight range.

The comment that has brought it to a head is DD coming home v upset from weekend contact over a joke made by her dad at the table about how much DD eats and that everyone should guard their plates . I tore a strip off him and he says it was just a joke and DD knows it was.

Their life revolves around exercise and food and I don't think it's healthy for them to put their issues onto children. The oldest of who is 9!

Ex says he is just trying to set them up for the healthiest life he can. I think they have huge control issues around food and exercise and need to back the fuck off.

AIBU?

That's absolutely horrible

I took ballet for many years and have experienced firsthand how damaging comments like that, especially from adults, can be to a maturing young person.

I know if I were your DD I wouldn't want to go back there, but I don't know rules about custody/contact etc.

Continue being the loving, supportive mum you are to her

Ex says I don't understand as I've never struggled with my weight. I'm lucky to be naturally thin even though I eat junk

DD ISN'T FAT THOUGH. It's a moot fucking point!

They are engaging in disordered eating, which is a mental health issue. Not content with that, they are attempting to foist their silly obsessions on your DC. Fuck that shit. You were quite right to tear your ex a new one. And too right to engage in as much piss-taking of their neuroticism as you can. The trouble is, they think they're being very clever but have only got half the information they need, and they've even got that arse-upwards. Your poor DC.

Holy crap. They're nuts. As if there isn't enough pressure on teenage girls at the minute. DD3, who is nearly 15, often spends her lunchtime with her mates persuading one of their group to actually damn well eat. I then had to reassure DD this evening that, no, just because she has stomach pains and physical problems eating at the minute (not helped by patronising GP not taking her seriously) combined with her skinny but athletic and healthy figure doesn't make her anorexic.
Those kind of attitudes can be unbelievably toxic but also ridiculous. Have a list: www.anorak.co.uk/288298/keyposts/the-daily-mails-list-of-things-that-give-you-cancer-from-a-to-z.html/

What's oil pulling?

Boogers
Its swishing oil around your mouth. Its a load of old bollocks

Like with mouthwash but with coconut oil? For 2 minutes? That's grim!

Your ex's wife's malicious comments about your daughter wearing leggings and her weight, and your ex's equally malicious comment about guarding their food from your daughter, are outrageous.

Good for you standing up for your daughter. I would set the ex's wife straight too and with your daughter there so she sees the situation set aright with her own eyes, very important for several reasons.

What are they trying to do? Set your dc up for a lifetime of eating disorders or issues about their own or their friends' weight?

By all means tell the looneytunes pair to lay off their halfbaked theories when the dc visit otherwise they'll only have each other to drive insane.

Sorry this sounds utter crap, YADNBU!

Please tell them to stop, you ex may alienate the kids and possibly give them issues around food. I have issues around food. All this stuff does not help.

Thank you all.

Feel slightly bolstered now! Was having a wobble that maybe they were just trying to do their best but I think I'm so used to their health obsession that it seems normal to me now. It's nice to hear other people say its extreme!

The problem with them (and others like them ive met a few!is that anyone who doesn't agree is bombarded with info about why they are wrong. It's like a cult!

Swishing oil??? that is rank.
I would threaten them with no contact if they did not cease.
That kind of talk could lead to eating disorders.
Does your ex want his poor kids ending up with mh problems?
I'd be positively enraged If they were trying to force their eating habits onto my kids or family.
If they wish to do it, goodluck to them but don't force it on children!

I agree withyou there object!!
I've chatted with others on many sites before, And seen that i and others could stop life saving treatment and other mediCation and just eat the right food

Oil pulling, nutribullet loving, too much gluten avoiding, very healthy, vegetarian/pescetarian diet, manuka honey user here

& I also think they are nuts & its damaging to your DD

Oh no this sounds horrid!
They do realise that by blending fruit/veg they are destroying the fibre and cellular content that fights cancers? Not to mention the unhealthy weight talk - these people are not healthy but stupid.

I have an acquaintance who insists her child is dairy free and has admitted to me it is because she would eat everything, chocs/cheese etc and she worries she will get fat. The school thinks she is allergic! Mother has her own eating issues and at 40 is a size 0-6, won't eat bread, cheese, cream, potatoes, pastry (says doesn't like them, not allergies etc) and her under 4 was telling her nursery half a banana would make you fat. This is not a healthy way forward. IMO it's a step over and beyond the calorie counting anorexics do - it's disguised as advice or healthy and therefore is accepted as right. The body issues came from somewhere; don't let them pass them on to your girls.

www.buzzfeed.com/alanwhite/real-talk-blue-wkd-for-brekkie-works-for-me#.vnMjklev6

It's a safeguarding issue. This orthorexia is damaging to your children. Did ex used to eat pies before he met this woman?

Sounds like orthorexia to me. And it is very nasty to aim it at your DD like that.

As your DD is approaching puberty and gaining curves, and the wife is very skinny, is it maybe also some kind of fear/threat being channelled into put downs too? Sort of body shaming used to mask own insecurities.

Sounds like you are going down a "all body type are beautiful" tempered with some weights are healthier than other (i.e. no extremes) route, which is great.

But I think you have to gently and firmly scotch the body shaming comments. Tell them to stop, no negotiation, no brush offs. An d then positive reinforcement with your DD.

you could also bombard them with a stream of images of nicky minaj, beyonce, amber rose and kim kardasian set to a loop of baby got back/anaconda plus some phd theseses on body shaming

No and yes. He was fat, lost weight through will power/became obsessive about the gym and not ever missing a session. Not ever! Then moved onto food issues alongside gym. Then obsessive swimming/training combined with food. Now some training, yoga and crossfit but massive food obsessions in place of previous gym obsession.

She is v thin but "has to work for it" (her words). Also gym/food obsessed from what DC say. And near constant gym clothes wearing.

I shall sit down with DD again tomorrow and talk about how wrong her dad was to say that. She saw a message on the iPad I sent him telling him to fuck off with his nasty comments and said thanks.

I say "reclaim" the words like the link I posted... Sugar is bloody natural last time I looked, and it's pure- what's it cut with?
Also it's important to have a "clean" mind, not being judgemental or overbearing to others, valuing diversity etc

Btw I am also veggie/vegan body brushing type who does some yoga. I don't eat honey because call me crazy but eating frequently regurgitated bee vomit substance does not appeal. Although of course old, solidified, bee vomit is "clean"

This is very worrying, they need to be put in there place quickly and I think possibly infront of dd so she can see there is something totaly wrong with that behaviour. Get the bmi calculator out and show them your dd is not overweight and threaten the no contact as what they're is some wierd type of abuse imo.

That link is hilarious. Just looked at her Instagram.

Wish I'd seen the "you can't milk an almond" bag before Xmas !!

Glad to hear your daughter feels supported by her wonderful mum Objects