To tell ex and his wife to fuck off with their orthorexic bullshit around the DC

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DC are not overweight. Not by sight, not by NHS BMI test, not by year R or year 6 weight checks. They fit in their age clothes, they all take after school sports classes. They are FINE.

I am super stick skinny. Exs wife is also super skinny. One DD is also super skinny and the other one (who's weight is fine!) is normal, not skinny but not fat. Lovely curvy bum and hips (puberty started last year).

Ex and wife are uber healthy, clean eating, crossfitting, yoga going, nutribullet drinking, vegetarian gluten free obsessives.

We maintain a healthy relationship of surface conversation, how are you's, clap for DC and leave type behaviour.

Two weeks ago exs wife/step mum starts talking to me about how "brave" DD is for wearing leggings and a crop top, not many teenagers would unless they were super skinny, isn't peer pressure so hard on them. Then says she worries at how easily DD puts on weight and what a struggle it will be for her when she's older if she doesn't moderate her eating patterns. Especially as I'm (me) "so thin" .

Other incidents include: all food at their house is now gluten free (no celiac dx, but just because its healthier?!)

Replacing meals with smoothies (nutribullet stuff instead of breakfast/lunch)

Telling DD she needs to eat a specific amount of protein/fats before an exam and EXACTLY to the minute how long beforehand.

An obsession with how thin the girls 'should' be. Normal weight not ok, thin/skinny is the goal. DS seems to have escaped, just the girls will be happier if they are thin. This refers back to the conversation concerning how difficult it is for teenage girls who aren't the 'ideal'. DD is not a naturally skinny person, she has an arse and hips but is well within the healthy weight range.

The comment that has brought it to a head is DD coming home v upset from weekend contact over a joke made by her dad at the table about how much DD eats and that everyone should guard their plates . I tore a strip off him and he says it was just a joke and DD knows it was.

Their life revolves around exercise and food and I don't think it's healthy for them to put their issues onto children. The oldest of who is 9!

Ex says he is just trying to set them up for the healthiest life he can. I think they have huge control issues around food and exercise and need to back the fuck off.

AIBU?

Using the term 'brave' in this context is the most horrible form of passive aggressive sarcasm possible and aimed at a child is abuse of the worst kind. I can see why you are so pissed off OP. It's bloody appalling!

When she's older she can make excellent cocktails in a nutribullet

haven't read whole thread, too angry by first post. What stupid, ignorant people. Did they flick their hair right through school?

bleating after every fad, unable to understand basic science, gullible and so lacking in the ability to reason. Mushing up food for no reason, excluding nutrients for stupidity reasons (not health reasons)...Paltrow science for the brainless.

point them at the sense about science website and suggest they do some reading that isn't a sleb-mag.

What does the 'clean' bit mean?

I just googled Oil Pulling - assumed it was a typo. BOAK!

Er. Isn't buckwheat a grain?

OP I'm another one who is still battling anorexia in my middle years and I remember comments like those made by your ex and his wife being made to me in my teens. Please keep,your daughters away from these people. Their comments and behaviours might not lead to your DDs developing eating disorders but there is a risk they might, and anything that increases the risk of the hell of body dysmorphia and eating disorders that can be avoided should be IMO.

I am so pleased you're standing up for your DDs and that they can see this. You should be so proud of yourself for doing this.

Just chiming in with everyone else who's calling batshit crazy at your ex and his partner- stick to your hubs op! They are making damaging remarks to her, and I'd second the advice from the pp who suggested getting a medical opinion from your GP, and then getting him along to hear it. If he has to be humiliated into realising the potential damage he's doing to his DD, so be it.

Guns, not hubs!

You're ex and his GF sound like nutters! Each to their own of course and if that's the lifestyle they want to lead them fine, but they are encouraging unhealthy behaviours in you're children. I would be seriously considering stopping contact after what they have said about you're dd. she is at a crucial age in terms of body image and this could damage her emotionally. My exh text just before Christmas to say could he buy my 9yo ds weights as he had 'expressed an interest in becoming stronger'. My ds is beginning to become obsessed with muscles in his arms/legs etc and both my ds come home after visits now quoting the back of packets, nutritional content etc because their father is a narcissistic idiot....

When your Dd is a bit older buy her How to be a woman, by Caitlin Moran

Your poor daughter. That's awful.

It's fine for an adult to do oil pulling and eat 'clean'. It's absolutely not fine to impose it on others and undermine a child's body confidence.

You sound as though you have a very healthy attitude towards your children's eating and lifestyle, OP, which will go a long way towards negating the crap your ex and his wife are spouting.

No it's not a grain.

I believe that any obsession in life, be it food, exercising, religion or whatever, is a way for the mind to distract you from things in your life which are not good. So rather than face your issues you throw yourself into the distraction.

When OP describes her ex and his partner you wonder what would be left in their relation ship if you took away the shared obsessions.

I just had to talk to my dad's school because her teacher (dd is 8) was making comments like this - about how they shouldn't eat pudding as it wasn't healthy, checking their lunch boxes and making them eat more of she felt they hadn't eaten enough, not letting her class have the treats at the Christmas party as she was on a healthy 'diet' and wanted the children to join her. I was polite with the school, but pointed out that it's important for children to regulate their own appetite. Also, the message that things are 'forbidden' causes unhealthy attitudes towards food. I said I expected a message of eating for strength not weight control.

What makes it worse is that some of the parents are obsessed with weight so some of the girls in the class have been saying they are fat, or that fat is bad from the age of 4! It's been a battle to keep dd eating a healthy balanced diet so the last thing I needed was the teacher projecting her issues on the children.

Keep going with supporting your dds, presumably they aren't bothered about your ds's weight?

Are people using h2o2 - Hydrogen Peroxide - to clean their teeth because they want white teeth?

OP - I suggest you teach all the DC about health fads - their lack of basis in science despise their use of pseudo scientific language and about eating disorders in a an general way and how people can talk rubbish because of their own issues. I'd also ask your eldest at 13 if she really wants to be around the passive aggressive comments or if she'd like to limit visits for a while.

I'd tell the Step Mum and their Dad to back off - but I seriously doubt they will so best to protect your DC as best you can.

What about getting DD involved in the SCIENCE that disproves a lot of this nonsense. Ben Goldacre is a good place to start. Mumsnet might help too. That way she can be empowered by the facts.

I have a friend that had all this shite from her mother. 'D'mum basically fat shamed her from the time she could understand what was being said to her. Dfriend (who is not fat) is now mid forties and has the most messed up attitude to food and her own body you can imagine. Her mum is naturally petite but is as shallow as a dinner plate and still makes sarky comments to her daughter in front of others. That some people consider this is OK to do astonishes me. Luckily my friend has inherited her DDads lovely personality! I so want to say, 'Luckily (DFriend) has not inherited your nasty tongue'. Maybe I will next time. There will be a next time.

Roseformeplease is right Bad Science is a good starting place.

I assume there is a Contact Order in place. is the idiocy only a recent thing?

So I looked up 'clean eating' and found clean eating magazine and at first glance it seems sensible - eating fresh healthy food.

I chocked on my fried egg and potato scone roll and gad to take a quick gulp of Buck's Fizz when I read the 'science bit'

Eating a healthy diet rich in fruits, vegetables, fish and nuts keep our minds sharper and our memories stronger by a whopping 24%, proved a study published in spring 2015 in Neurology. Our brains also function better with nutrients such as omega-3 fatty acids, as shown in Nature Reviews Neuroscience, while they sputter and slow down when we fill them with sugar (including alcohol), fast food and the wrong kinds of fats.

It's kinda true but maybe kinda overstated? Do you think?

SSargasso what is buckwheat if its not a grain / seed? I know it's not wheat despite the name, but what is it if not a type of grain or seed?

Buckwheat (Fagopyrum esculentum) is a plant cultivated for its grain-like seeds ...- despite the name, buckwheat is not related to wheat, as it is not a grass. Instead, buckwheat is related to sorrel, knotweed, and rhubarb. Because its seeds are eaten and rich in complex carbohydrates, it is referred to as a pseudocereal.

that what wikipedia says on it.

Thanks lostinthewash I sort of thought that grain and seed were the same thing, but clearly not!

Definitely encourage the DDs to gen up on proper science and also encourage them to take the piss, loudly and frequently, out of XP and his GF. People who are as stupid and self-obsessed as this couple should be given no quarter at all. It's absolutely fine to mock the stupid when their behaviour is as damaging as this is.

Absolutely agree with you and your point of view - as will everyone else who ISN'T an utter health obsessive (freak, bore, lunatic...etc)

Luckily your DD has normality at home with you, so tell her not to worry about other people's weird food issues; it's best just to humour them and carry on doing what you're doing, ie eating normally and not making diet/health issues the focal point of your life.

Bet your ex and the wicked step mum don't have any friends!