To tell ex and his wife to fuck off with their orthorexic bullshit around the DC

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DC are not overweight. Not by sight, not by NHS BMI test, not by year R or year 6 weight checks. They fit in their age clothes, they all take after school sports classes. They are FINE.

I am super stick skinny. Exs wife is also super skinny. One DD is also super skinny and the other one (who's weight is fine!) is normal, not skinny but not fat. Lovely curvy bum and hips (puberty started last year).

Ex and wife are uber healthy, clean eating, crossfitting, yoga going, nutribullet drinking, vegetarian gluten free obsessives.

We maintain a healthy relationship of surface conversation, how are you's, clap for DC and leave type behaviour.

Two weeks ago exs wife/step mum starts talking to me about how "brave" DD is for wearing leggings and a crop top, not many teenagers would unless they were super skinny, isn't peer pressure so hard on them. Then says she worries at how easily DD puts on weight and what a struggle it will be for her when she's older if she doesn't moderate her eating patterns. Especially as I'm (me) "so thin" .

Other incidents include: all food at their house is now gluten free (no celiac dx, but just because its healthier?!)

Replacing meals with smoothies (nutribullet stuff instead of breakfast/lunch)

Telling DD she needs to eat a specific amount of protein/fats before an exam and EXACTLY to the minute how long beforehand.

An obsession with how thin the girls 'should' be. Normal weight not ok, thin/skinny is the goal. DS seems to have escaped, just the girls will be happier if they are thin. This refers back to the conversation concerning how difficult it is for teenage girls who aren't the 'ideal'. DD is not a naturally skinny person, she has an arse and hips but is well within the healthy weight range.

The comment that has brought it to a head is DD coming home v upset from weekend contact over a joke made by her dad at the table about how much DD eats and that everyone should guard their plates . I tore a strip off him and he says it was just a joke and DD knows it was.

Their life revolves around exercise and food and I don't think it's healthy for them to put their issues onto children. The oldest of who is 9!

Ex says he is just trying to set them up for the healthiest life he can. I think they have huge control issues around food and exercise and need to back the fuck off.

AIBU?

Of course any adult can choose whichever lifestyle/diet they fancy but they are batshit crazy for pushing this onto your children and being utterly vile to your dd!

I'd be laying the law down and threatening no unsupervised contact if anything else happened.

Your poor dd. Here's some chocolate and cake for her

I am not vegan but quietly I do subscribe to some of their "weird" ways. I do think we all eat too much gluten. Coconut oil is fab.

But I do not mention any of it to the DCs. Fat shaming, if you can call it that, is appalling. I would be livid too.

They sound dangerous, yes their attitude could lead to eating disorders. If this caries on I would seiously cut or limit their contact with their father.

Their dangerous theories are starting to filter to DC, very concerning.

What does oil pulling do?It sounds disgusting!

I would try to find someone in a white coat eg GP, practice nurse, have a chat about the problem with them and see if they will talk to you and DCs together to give their honest and sensible views on healthy eating.

Hopefully their views will be something like everything in moderation and regular exercise. The fact they are advising you in their official role should counter any bleating from Ex and his DW.

I mean how long do people want to live - all this special diet stuff drives me nuts. The generation living into their 90s and 100s ate normal british food, with the butter, lard and limited greens of the 50s/60s/70s.

If people would de-stress a bit and calm down there would be less allergies. Pressurising yourself and others over food just adds to it. How has the human race lasted this long when we appear to be allergic to half of the available food!! Grrr.

You brush your teeth with H2O2??

What is this fear of gluten these days? If they aren't coeliac they are bring ridiculous. How can people say we eat too much gluten? What about countries like Italy where they eat a lot of pasta and put bread on the table at every meal?

I would be pointing out to him that their mental health is as important if not more important at this age than their physical health and that his ridiculous ideas are jeopardising that .

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oil_pulling
It's Ayurvedic

You must be so worried OP. I'm a recovered anorexic- comments like the step mum's are potentially so damaging. Don't let it go!!

Its this sort of rubbish that means people won't take the likes of autoimmune disease sufferers seriously when we need to augment our diets. Gluten free is only healthier if you eat proper wholesome meals and don't buy store bought stuff - that stuff is just as sugar laden as a 'healthy' ready meal and often far more fat laden that standard food.

I'm an adult, I have made choices that benefit my health. My DC do not need this lifestyle, at least right now and hopefully never. I try to get them eating as wholesomely as possible and try to avoid added sugar as much as I can, but whilst they're growing they need different nutrition to me anyway.

Doesn't juicing remove the very good fibrous quality of fruits and vegetables and essentially just leave you with a lot of sugars?

But the comments are just awful. Poor DD. Even if she was over weight there is no way that's going to help her. Its not like she won't have eyes to see that she already isn't as slim as her other family members. OP, you've done very well not to ram a baguette down their throats

bun Coincidentally Italy also has the highest proportion of celiac sufferers in the world (which actually makes it one of the best places to travel to if you suffer).

Oil puiling is the biggest load of wank imaginable.

Food grade 3% h2o2, yes I do.

No one that's serious about health eats the gluten free stuff, as that's formulated with stuff that is just as bad as gluten.

I avoid all grains as I believe they are difficult for the body to digest and are low in nutrients. Its easy if you cook from sctach. I had buckwheat for breakfast instead of oats, sprouted obviously .

The point of jucing is to get a lot of vitamins and if you eat a healthy diet you don't need all that much fibre. Mine are 80-100% low sugar veg (cuecumber, celery, leafy greens, lemon, ginger etc) and with the lowering nutrients in veg these days its s great way tobget all the vitamins from the veg down you quickly in amounts you could never physically eat.

I would go mad. It's upsetting for your elder DD essentially being bullied by them, it is potentially very damaging for her. And your younger DD is also witnessing it, just because it's not aimed at her doesn't mean she isn't hearing it and it's not affecting her.
I would insist they keep their ideas to themselves or stop contact.

The difficulty will be that people with disordered attitudes to food and health often rationalise their behaviour - and it's easy to do so, with so much pseudoscience littered all over the web (and so many high profile celebs who subscribe to it). So it can be hard to have a sensible conversation about it.

It's not just the eating disorder stuff that would concern me. People with weird eating habits also often suffer from health anxiety which can also be quite disabling.

I'm not sure how you counter this tbh. I've gone down the science route with DD but, it has to be said, without massive success. She knows that nutrition sites on the web are mostly bollocks, she knows that the skinny girls on Instagram are mostly anorexic, she knows that orthorexia is a form of eating disorder. That doesn't stop her wanting there to be a magic diet that will make her look like an airbrushed skinny celebrity :(

Writing that I think that working on your Dd's self-esteem is the best form of defence...

Plenty of people do 'clean' eating. That's up to them (yep, it's not for me!)

However, despite the fact whilst DC are with their dad he can feed them what they want the issue is "why" and on "what basis" they are insisting the 13yo eats it combined with the comments and their unhealthy body image attitude.

I would be simply saying that if they continue to give your DD an unhealthy attitude towards her own body then contact will stop and she's old enough to make that decision herself.

I would think they're going to cause an eating disorder or other mental health issues to be honest. I would be fuming. I would suggest visiting a gp with your ex and the dc for a chat. Imo what they're doing is abusive and it will get ti the point where your dd no longer wants to go.

Just as a side note, I'm a coeliac and it definitely isn't healthier. Ime it is people who are uneducated about food who buy gluten free products instead without medical reason. for you

Whiskey is gluten free isn't it? glug glug glug

On a serious note, it's controlling and going to give your children issues. My ex is ever so slightly like this. Has an obsession with DS eating healthy. One weekend, DS came home refusing to eat bread 'because it's bad for you' you need to nip it in the bud. However, it sounds like they're unnippable. I would be consulting a solicitor to be honest!

"I avoid all grains as I believe they are difficult for the body to digest and are low in nutrients."

As you believe they are difficult for your body to digest. It isn't the same for everyone. If that was the case why does the message to eat whole grains get repeated over and over again?

If I were you OP I would leave the Ex and his wife to get on with it. I can't see that they are going to listen to any sensible suggestions from you.

If your DD is 13 I would try and deal with it by really talking this through with her and encouraging her to deal with herself. Tell it's ok to call people if they make ridiculous comments about weight and that she can have control over what she eats. Perhaps you could suggest ways that she deals with your Ex's stupid comments (BTW Ican see why he is an ex).
Could she (with your help) send him an email regarding the nasty comment he made about having to guard their plates at the table. She may or may not be too young to do this, you will obviously know better.

My Dad made jokes about my weight when I was a teen which was equally crazy as I was extremely fit and a heathy weight. It irritated me and I thought he was an idiot for it but it didn't cross my mind that I had a weight problem...because I didn't. Do you know how your DD is taking his comments? Is it that she is worried about her weight or is it that she is worried she has an idiot for a father? There is a big difference.

I hope for the OP this thread doesn't get derailed about posters discussing the pro's and cons of certain diets coz that's not the OPs problem

My mother did this shit, I was put on strange diets and was beaten if I broke them, I was weighed daily. I wasn't a big girl, I was broad, but I had size 8 feet at 12 so was never meant to be stick thin. I was also captain of the Hockey team, the swimming team and the rowing team. My dad stopped me going for a year. At 57 years old I am still dealing with the anorexia fall out. I'm just starting to eat normally for the first time since August this year (have lost 4 stone, but not in the best way). It can stay for life. Please ensure this stops with immediate effect.

You need to step in op, this is damaging for your dc. It is scarey to read for those on here with similar parents, ended up having eating disorders. This is serious, I would book an appointment with your dd GP, get them to attend, and mabey him saying that dd is a healthy weight and that they need to stop with this. Failing that, I would limit their contact to supervised only.