To tell ex and his wife to fuck off with their orthorexic bullshit around the DC

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DC are not overweight. Not by sight, not by NHS BMI test, not by year R or year 6 weight checks. They fit in their age clothes, they all take after school sports classes. They are FINE.

I am super stick skinny. Exs wife is also super skinny. One DD is also super skinny and the other one (who's weight is fine!) is normal, not skinny but not fat. Lovely curvy bum and hips (puberty started last year).

Ex and wife are uber healthy, clean eating, crossfitting, yoga going, nutribullet drinking, vegetarian gluten free obsessives.

We maintain a healthy relationship of surface conversation, how are you's, clap for DC and leave type behaviour.

Two weeks ago exs wife/step mum starts talking to me about how "brave" DD is for wearing leggings and a crop top, not many teenagers would unless they were super skinny, isn't peer pressure so hard on them. Then says she worries at how easily DD puts on weight and what a struggle it will be for her when she's older if she doesn't moderate her eating patterns. Especially as I'm (me) "so thin" .

Other incidents include: all food at their house is now gluten free (no celiac dx, but just because its healthier?!)

Replacing meals with smoothies (nutribullet stuff instead of breakfast/lunch)

Telling DD she needs to eat a specific amount of protein/fats before an exam and EXACTLY to the minute how long beforehand.

An obsession with how thin the girls 'should' be. Normal weight not ok, thin/skinny is the goal. DS seems to have escaped, just the girls will be happier if they are thin. This refers back to the conversation concerning how difficult it is for teenage girls who aren't the 'ideal'. DD is not a naturally skinny person, she has an arse and hips but is well within the healthy weight range.

The comment that has brought it to a head is DD coming home v upset from weekend contact over a joke made by her dad at the table about how much DD eats and that everyone should guard their plates . I tore a strip off him and he says it was just a joke and DD knows it was.

Their life revolves around exercise and food and I don't think it's healthy for them to put their issues onto children. The oldest of who is 9!

Ex says he is just trying to set them up for the healthiest life he can. I think they have huge control issues around food and exercise and need to back the fuck off.

AIBU?

I'm eating a ferrero rocher just now #nuttyprotein #allnaturalcocoa #innerglow

DD has lost a lot of weight over the last year by doing a lot of sport. Her best friend on the other hand still has a little bit of chub - not much and it's no big deal. Her mum on the other hand goes ON and ON and ON about DD's weight loss, how great she looks, how much skinnier than her own DD she is and I think it's ridiculously damaging. I can see DD lapping it all up and becoming very image conscious while I can only imagine how her own DD feels.

If this is damaging I can only think what your DD must feel like to get such extreme pressure on her from your ex and his wife. I'm don't even like to comment on weight - just exercise and everything in moderation - these girls should not be defined by their image but by their actions. It's hard enough for them as it is these days. I would send your ex some hard hitting links on self-image in teenage girls tbh and how to keep their self-esteem high.

YANBU. it's hard enough raising girls with healthy attitudes to food/weight without the family getting in on the act.

Have a sensible chat with your daughter tomorrow and explain its nothing to do with her but more a projection of their own food issues onto her. Adults aren't always right they can have a bad relationship with food even if they claim to be ultra healthy. Glad she knows you are in her corner fighting for common sense.

They are arseholes.

My dad carried on like this when I was a child. I've subsequently spent my life battling with eating disorders.

Tell them to fucking fuck off.

They sound bonkers.

And being gluten free is fucking miserable. Why would anyone want to do it out of choice, especially when there's research now to say that gluten free unless you're celiac/intolerant is a bad idea? Poor kids.

I would be putting my foot down with this. I won't go on and on about the science (or lack of) as it gives me the rage but yanbu.

Also crossfit is absolute bollocks and promotes dreadful exercise practice and form. Just thought I'd throw that one in there too!

Why does the coconut oil do?

I've neve heard of this pulling thing.

YANBU. I once had to listen to my DSD telling me her mum said she had CHUBBY THIGHS at the age of ten.
She used to do a lot of running and has never even been chubby.
The fact her own mother who was a right fat bitch because she was always pissed and scoffing takeaways and meals out really made the comment seem so fucking ridiculous.
I would have gone batshit in your position OP

I don't believe that the gluten thing is that bad, personally and as such is a white elephant in this. Especially if they eat it at home.

But op I would go apeshit. I have 2 dds one average and one superskinny and shoot daggers at anyone who comments on their weight. Clean food oh do fuck off. And as a point of note swilling oil sounds dirty yuck.

Ouch at some of the comments here!

My lifestyle is probably pretty similar to theirs, but I don't go around preaching. If anything I stay quiet and other people are constantly attacking my lifestyle. So the opposite.

I don't think avoiding gluten is dangerous, I avoid all grains.

Oil pulling for 2 mins?!? Its supposed to be at least 15 mins, then I brush with h2o2

Dyslexic but that's your choice, it shouldn't be something inflicted on your DC unless there is a medical reason for it. That's the issue here.

Being gluten free or low gluten is totally fine. Increasingly we eat an abnormal amount in the uk and quite often it's heavily processed/refined. There are plenty of alternatives to wheat. Just simple wholesome homemade food is great. We eats lots of curry, fish, seasonal veg, a mixture of grains, lentils, nuts because we like them.

She's wrong to pass comment on body size.

I imagine nurabullets (and pulling) are just a fad and a poor meal replacement for a teen. Coconut is great though. Have you read the health benefits?

There's quite a lot of controversy around the use of calpol. I think its fine to use more traditional old school remedies for colds/flu. Many traditional methods were used for years before profit driven medicine was available. As long as they are willing to use antibiotics when essential, that fine.

Exercising daily is important for kids and adults. I've read adults need half an hour daily, while children need an hour daily. It is possible to excersise too much and too little.

I totally agree bee. I think the lifestyle choices are a red hearing and are distracting. But people do seem to like a good bitch about people who like yoga and are vegan

The issue is the comments, not the lifestyle. Yanbu to be annoyed by them, they are out of order.

Oh I disagree with it should be the dcs choice. I would feed mine the same diet as me and when they are old enough they can make their own choices. I wouldn't feed them junky sugary carbs that I don't eat myself and would raise them veggie.

Hi OP,

I subscribe to a similar diet to your ex and his partner (for health reasons) and it has helped me. I can tell you from meeting other people who also follow a paleolithic diet that it can be a very clever mask for eating disorders, especially 'The Zone' stuff - which your ex's partner is attempting to use on your DD (by telling her to eat certain foods and combinations of fat/protein/carbs at certain times). The Zone diet is absolutely NOT appropriate for children and can cause real disordered eating patterns in people who follow it.

One thing worth bearing in mind is that eating paleo or gluten free part time and going back to a standard diet can cause issues with gluten sensitivity over time as the body gets used to not having it then might react when it is added back in. Also worth bearing in mind that a paleo diet can be nasty to transition to, some people liken it to the flu so your poor DD is going through this every time she visits them. Utterly dreadful and rather cruel.

Your DD needs to be more assertive. I suggest a sit down with this woman and make it clear that DD is not interested in adopting a paleolithic diet, Zoning, cross fitting or juicing. She will have a food budget to buy and prepare all of her own food and if any comment is made other weight or body she will immediately ask to be brought home.

This woman is a fanatic. I've met plenty of them. This needs to stop before your daughter suffers further harm to her self esteem.

And I've gone completely the other way and start waving big slabs of cake around and shoving it my gob whilst laughing about food being clean.

Lol. This is EXACTLY what I'd do!

Consenting adults can eat what the fuck they like, but it makes my blood boil to hear of adults filling teenage ears with this anti-scientific bullshit. There's enough of it on the Internet (and teenage girls are almost inevitably drawn to it) without parents getting in on the act.

I'd be pretty blunt I think. Your ex and his OH eat like people with an eating disorder, and you don't want their fucked-up attitudes to food and weight being transmitted to your daughter.

Eating disorders are horrible and destructive. My daughter has a mild eating disorder, despite coming from a family where everyone is boringly normal in weight and eating habits. I've spent the last year battling the orthorexic bullshit she gets from the Internet with basic science.

Bloody hell they sound nuts, at least at 13 your eldest can chose not to go if this doesn't stop.

I'd also be very worried about how this is shaping your sons view of women though, he will grow up with a very odd view of 'normal' if he's continually exposed to this behaviour.

You brush your teeth with H2O2??

Really? So you wouldn't let them have any gluten?? There's nothing wrong with gluten unless you are a celiac sufferer.

I think raising them veggie is not the same thing at all.

You might mean well, but it honestly does have a bad effect on your DC when you inflict lifestyle choices on them that are made due to your own insecurities. My DM is always obsessing about 'carbs' and now I still feel guilty if I eat some bread, despite me being a healthy weight.

I am.not going to talk about healthy eating at all to my DC. They will have everything in moderation. I think the over-thinking of food these days is a massive issue.

Instagram is also a terrible influence, lots of borderline gluten/grain free anorexics showing off thigh gaps and preaching about low carb and gluten free vegan diets. Dangerous and very damaging.

Yy Liar.

I personally woukd not allow them around DC, very damaging. I would have a word gomental, at them, if they still do it, don't allow DC near them.

Shop bought gluten free is usually higher in sugar. Whizzing up food makes it less work for your body to deal with. Whilst there are some plus points I'd object to a diet like thst being imposed on anyone who hadn't finished growing!
As for them banging on about her weight, they're obviously out of step with healthy now and quite prepared to body shame in order to put pressure to conform on children. Your daughters will probably want to stop visiting. Support them in that.