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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really angry about the queue for the loo today.

303 replies

Harriedharriet · 27/12/2015 23:59

Was in a museum with dds today. They needed the loo so off we went. They are quite young, 7 & 8 yrs approx. The queue for the ladies was very long and very slow. No queue for the men's. They sauntered in and, a few minutes later sauntered out. All the men looked relaxed and at ease. All the women looked uncomfortable and ill at ease. We waited at least 20 minutes to get in. There were elderly women, pregnant women, women who looked drained, fatigued or just down right impatient.
Why do we have the same amount of space as men? Our biology is different. We need more space and more time. We menstruate. We reproduce the human race. And we bloody stand in a queue like cattle to attend to basic human needs.
Any architects out there? Why does this happen? It really is an outrage. I have spent so much of my life waiting for the loo in public spaces. Now to see my dds subjected to it really made my blood boil.
Anyone else?
Rant over, thanks for reading.

OP posts:
unlucky83 · 28/12/2015 19:09

I have a whizz freedom - similar to shewee.
It is really great - mostly - I have managed to use it out on walks without my DDs realising what I'm doing (they have form for shouting mummy's having a wee Blush if I try and discreetly squat)
But when they aren't quite fitted right or pants push it to one side etc it really does go hideously wrong and you can't easily stop it either (and worse for me cos my pelvic floor is shot so I struggle to stop weeing after I've started as well). Therefore I only use it when I am desperate and outside where if I do get wet pants it isn't the end of the world...in a shopping centre it would be a tad more awkward...
Also you can't just unzip - you do need to drop your pants slightly or you would have to hoik up a skirt ...so it isn't a better solution than more cubicles for women!
(And everything I've read says the same about the shewee...)

xmasseason · 28/12/2015 19:21

I don't understand why anyone would prefer to put on makeup in the loo, instead of by the mirrors and sinks? Too many germs, no mirror, little space and a queue may be forming.

SirChenjin · 28/12/2015 19:34

I'm absolutely convinced (therefore it must be true Grin) that there are women at my work who slope off to the loos for a break - judging by the complete silence from the cubicles they're either sleeping, texting or FBing in there.

jorahmormont · 28/12/2015 20:52

Just lately my pee won't start until I hear a dryer. It's like Pavlov's fucking dogs, I can't even use my hairdryer in case my bladder is fuller than I realise. It does mean I take longer in toilets Blush

Then again, IBS already did that before my bladder was classically conditioned.

Do women pee more than men, accounting for the longer queues? Leaky pelvic floors post-pregnancy etc?

Naty1 · 28/12/2015 22:29

I think some mens only have 1 cubicle so maybe less opportunity for faffing/FB/phone.
Plus it can be dirty.
And a bit of understanding that someone else may need to use it.
Whereas with so many in womens there will be the thought - another one will become free, someone else can use that.
Women must have more continence issues- pg and post dc, menopause.
Plus worry about long queues can create a queue as you go just in case.
I would expect our bladder to be smaller as all reproductive organs inside too.
All the queuing mot great when PT.
Would think changing a colostomy bag could use a disabled toilet.?
Its true though a lot more women about probably in general as we live longer.
I wouldnt want unisex large rooms from a safety perspective.
Maybe a womens 'urinal' for those desperate or unwilling to queue.
Which do we value more privacy or time.
At a festival the queues for portaloos were ridiculous. The men were going in the wooded area.
Certainly enough to put you off drinking if you have to spend an hour queuing after.
So maybe the solution is urinals for men but their cubicles are joined in with the womens toilets so there are more cubicles for everyone.
One country airport has the bottom of the cubicles the height of the toilet seat. That felt very exposed. Especially after a long flight.

dratsea · 28/12/2015 23:25

In college the facilities were in a separate building, the Birdwood. There were sinks on the landings and it was not unknown, late a nigh,t to catch someone having a wee in the sink. I was surprised, and impressed, to find my mate's gf doing the same one night.

MLGs · 28/12/2015 23:33

I totally agree with this. Women's toilets need to be much bigger, with enough cubicles to allow women to have same ease of access to toilets as men, who can use the urinal.

It is not about women "faffing" - there are loads of good reasons as cited above why some women will take longer than men. The fact that men often use a urinal makes them quicker.

Also, the fact most children use the ladies means more people are using them. Families who are all out together should be thinking about sending all boys and very young girls in with Dad, though, so they don't have to stand in the queue for the ladies.

I often think theatres should have an announcement at the interval saying "can as many kids as possible please use the gents with their Dads", just to get people thinking about it!

PS - I am a very quick toilet user myself - often quicker than DH if we both go in at same time.

MLGs · 28/12/2015 23:36

Also am a fan of unisex loos - all cubicles obviously. Or those rows of individual cubicles they sometimes have with the sinks in the cubicles.

xmasseason · 29/12/2015 00:40

Female urinals and/or "she wees" may have a few takers but there would be quite a few women who can't or don't want to use them. Cubicles are far more civilised.

VashtaNerada · 29/12/2015 07:47

I'm surprised that there are dads who don't take their children to the toilet, what's that about? We either take it in turns or if we all need the loo I take DD and he takes DS.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/12/2015 08:25

Dh does now take DS1 (just 8) but I'm pretty sure if we had girls he'd balk at the idea of taking them. Just as well we don't, really. If DS2 needs changing, then I do it (although DH can change DS2, he just doesn't see why he should if I'm there too Hmm)

PerspicaciaTick · 29/12/2015 08:42

My DH has never been keen to take either DC to the toilet as he says that men's toilets are not usually a nice place for children. I have to acknowledge his concerns and experience as he is rarely precious about such things. He takes them if necessary and now takes DS much more often as DS heads towards the age when he can't use the ladies.

Anotherusername1 · 29/12/2015 09:41

I've not read the full thread but I'd have either gone elsewhere or used the mens. However, I am totally with you OP. We need more loos, including more unisex loos and more accessible loos.

RufusTheReindeer · 29/12/2015 10:42

MLG

Toilets off the corridor is what i am on about, i have enclosed a photo as i have no life

And i agree with naty on one point, i always go ti the loojust in case...partly because i have a weak bladder and you dont knkw where the next toilet/non queue will be and partly because i am used to taking 3 children to the toilet, one goes we all go

And before i get any comments DH would always take the boys and would take dd to the loo if their was a queue (til she got bigger and started refusing) but as a sahm i had huge swathes of time alone with them Grin

Really angry about the queue for the loo today.
BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep · 29/12/2015 10:49

if I have the children I used the accessible toilets. I do find it annoying when it is just me and ther is a queue for the ordinary womens toilets.

ravenmum · 30/12/2015 07:50

Reminds me of when my daughter was little and suddenly announced she had to wee when we were at the shopping centre. Rushed into the ladies holding her out to avoid being weed on, and there was a huge queue. But as I burst in, the whole queue turned round, took in my predicament and gestured or told me to take the next cubicle. Smile

MurielKlein · 30/12/2015 08:40

Problem in London is so many old buildings. God knows what it was like in Victorian times - grim as in other ways - but buildings of that era barely have enough men's toilets let alone women's. And it's obvious that woman need longer st times - even if some gratuitously take longer anyway and let the side down as it were

harshbuttrue1980 · 30/12/2015 09:19

Is no one going to admit to being a faffer?? I'm a fast pee-er nowadays, but I remember my nightclubbing days. We all used to squeeze in two to a cubicle, and used to touch up our hair and makeup while in the cubicle, gossiping as we did it. it was totally selfish, but everyone did it. I wouldn't dream of holding up a queue unnecessarily nowadays, but I was totally thoughtless in my twenties. Some women just really do need to get a move on, and surely the same proportion of men have medical conditions as women?

SirChenjin · 30/12/2015 09:28

I obviously spend too long on here because yesterday at work I timed myself in the loo. Less than 25 seconds from start to finish including changing my sanitary towel. There was someone in the cubicle next to me who was in there when I went into the toilets and was still there as I was leaving after I'd washed my hands and put on my lippy - she didn't make a sound the whole time I was there. Definitely faffers out there.

DH doesn't take the DCs because mens toilets can be awful apparently - and he's not squeamish at all.

peggyundercrackers · 30/12/2015 10:11

to me toilets are a bit like tills in a shop - woman always seem to take longer and no matter what woman will always take longer.

there a few things I think could be done to change the behaviour in womans loos and make the throughput quicker.

  1. have open cubicles - closed cubicles promote faffing - most people pee when they are out, I don't believe a lot of people have a shit when out. the reason for believing this is because of mens public toilet spaces - they are filled with urinals and only have 1 or 2 cubicals at most thus public toilets are designed for people to pee en masse not poo.
  1. no bags or coats allowed - if you have a coat and need to hang it up take it off before you get into the cubicle to save a bit of time.
  1. no phones allowed

men I think are slightly worse off because generally they only have 1 cubicle to how ever many urinals. they have less privacy because of a lack of cubicles but this lack of privacy makes them want to be in and out as quickly as possible.

how can men take kids into somewhere with urinals only? a lot of little boys are too small to reach a urinal and probably too heavy to lift and try and get them to pee straight into a urinal at the same time. do you want your daughter to try and pee into a urinal? urinals also don't have the same level of hygiene around them - would you want your kids to be around a piss soaked urinal and touching it? (boak)

RufusTheReindeer · 30/12/2015 10:19

Right...bit fed up now

Women are slow compared to what???? Men???? Didnt realise it was a fucking competition.

I dont run like linford christie...i am betting i dont shit like him either!!!

And on the subject of shit i go 2/3 times a day, as much as i think open cubicles for weeing are a good idea where am i supposed to go

I was damaged after my first born and it takes me slightly longer to clean up

Mens toilet habits are not the defalt position

RufusTheReindeer · 30/12/2015 10:20

and i know referencing linford christie makes me old Hmm

RufusTheReindeer · 30/12/2015 10:23

And actually i bet i do shit like linford christie

It's the clean up that takes longer Grin

Dipankrispaneven · 30/12/2015 10:28

1. have open cubicles - closed cubicles promote faffing - most people pee when they are out, I don't believe a lot of people have a shit when out. the reason for believing this is because of mens public toilet spaces - they are filled with urinals and only have 1 or 2 cubicals at most thus public toilets are designed for people to pee en masse not poo.

The thought of open cubicles fills me with horror. I don't want to see other people on the loo and I definitely don't want to be seen. And if you need to poo you need to poo. Imagine sitting in an open cubicle when you've got a sudden attack of the runs, or IBS!

2. no bags or coats allowed - if you have a coat and need to hang it up take it off before you get into the cubicle to save a bit of time.

How could you "not allow" bags or coats? Would you make people leave them outside? You'd have to have lockers, plus someone to police their use otherwise people would just ignore them. That would make going to the loo a pretty expensive exercise.

3. no phones allowed

Ditto.

Moving15 · 30/12/2015 10:29

Yes women do faff about in the toilets but i think that waiting for the cistern to refill so they can flush adds to the delay. You can't vacate a cubicle when the toilet bowl is full of poo, blood and a tampon. This is a design issue.