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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really angry about the queue for the loo today.

303 replies

Harriedharriet · 27/12/2015 23:59

Was in a museum with dds today. They needed the loo so off we went. They are quite young, 7 & 8 yrs approx. The queue for the ladies was very long and very slow. No queue for the men's. They sauntered in and, a few minutes later sauntered out. All the men looked relaxed and at ease. All the women looked uncomfortable and ill at ease. We waited at least 20 minutes to get in. There were elderly women, pregnant women, women who looked drained, fatigued or just down right impatient.
Why do we have the same amount of space as men? Our biology is different. We need more space and more time. We menstruate. We reproduce the human race. And we bloody stand in a queue like cattle to attend to basic human needs.
Any architects out there? Why does this happen? It really is an outrage. I have spent so much of my life waiting for the loo in public spaces. Now to see my dds subjected to it really made my blood boil.
Anyone else?
Rant over, thanks for reading.

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 30/12/2015 22:38

Although I'm not very good at remembering to actually do it, even though I was advised to do so Blush

BathshebaDarkstone · 30/12/2015 22:43

I'm cack-handed and I get even worse when I rush, so that's why I take a long time.

Woodhill · 31/12/2015 09:17

No from me to open cubicles. I try to be quick when I visit a public loo and fortunately never need to poo.

OrangeNoodle · 01/01/2016 20:15

For most of us on here the lack of facilities simply an inconvenience (no pun intended). For some it's life-limiting.

^^

Absolutely agree with this. DS is severely disabled. He cannot use a toilet, any toilet. Disabled toilets are, quite commonly, absolutely useless to a great proportion of people who are disabled.

What is actually needed is a small room with a hoist and a changing bed. Like this >> changingplaces.uktoiletmap.org

Would you believe that in our nearest city there are just two toilets that our DS can access so we can change him? TWO.

And in our entire county there are just ten.

He is too big for baby changers. So often we have to lift him out of his wheelchair (takes two people now) and lie him on the toilet floor to change him. It is disgusting and humiliating.

Changing Places toilets are so very much needed to take families who have a person who needs to be changed out of isolation. Often, families like ours just don't go out, ever.

We need Changing Places toilets in every town and attraction in the UK. Please, help by following them on Facebook and helping the campaign to raise awareness www.facebook.com/Changing-Places-300242193335506/?fref=ts

SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad · 01/01/2016 23:15

In my popular, touristy small town, which is packed with holidaymakers in the summer, there are now NO public toilets... Shock One small block was closed (and then demolished) by the council 'to save money', one was shut down because it had supposedly become a popular cottaging spot, and the block nearest the river was damaged by flooding a couple of years ago and is 'uneconomic' to repair.
We now have ONE pub that allows people to use its toilets (during opening hours) but is right at the other side of town to the main tourist areas of riverside, playgrounds, skatepark etc. and a Tesco with toilets that is a 15-minute walk from the town centre.

It has been pointed out again and again to the council that a) this is a disgrace and will put tourists off returning to the town b) this is a public health hazard, as people will (and do) use the fields that children play on as open-air toilets and c) when the pubs and clubs turn out at night, those unlucky enough to live in the centre of town often find their doorways used as urinals Hmm. There has been a sad-faced response along the lines of 'but we have no money' and no offers of any alternative provision...

Dipankrispaneven · 02/01/2016 00:26

There was a proposal to close down the public loos in St Ives recently, I don't know whether it's gone any further. But, if you know St Ives, you know it's utterly ridiculous - the place gets packed every day in summer and the public loos are very busy. If they closed them down it is inevitable that people would be peeing in the open and the place would stink on hot days.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 02/01/2016 00:42

There definitely need to be more loos, I personally like the unisex ones.

I will admit to wondering what the hell people are doing in the cubicles on a pretty regular basis. I get ibs, sometimes a queue can be a bit of an issue. I stand there cursing my luck because surely not all 12 people in front of me can have medical reasons for taking forever.

I am however an impatient bastard regarding most things. I spend most of my life wondering why people take so long - at a cash point/till/ordering coffee.
SIL takes 3 hours to get ready for a night out. How the fuck is that even possible?
I think some people are just faffers (dh is a faffer). I find a lot of faffing behaviour odd.

imwithspud · 02/01/2016 00:52

YANBU, I know if I'm using a public toilet and I know that there's a queue of people waiting then I keep faff to a minimum and try to be as quick as possible so as not to keep the next person waiting. Seems like some people take their sweet time no matter what.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/01/2016 02:48

Just to be clear when people moan about faffers it is absolutely not about people with disabilities or medical conditions.

It is about people who fiddle with their phones, check their make up, reorganise the contents of their handbags or fuck knows what else in their that is being referred to as faffing. If there is a queue the toilet cubicle is not the place for all this stuff.

kickassangel · 02/01/2016 02:51

But why should women HAVE to go at the fastest, most efficient speed because of a queue? Men don't have to.

If there were the right proportion of toilets then women could be more leisurely without worrying about holding other people up, just as men are able to.

Being able to go to the loo without having to rush doesn't seem like a hugely indulgent luxury, does it?

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 02/01/2016 08:49

But why should women HAVE to go at the fastest, most efficient speed because of a queue? Men don't have to

I don't think men do faff about in the loos though, at least not public ones.

Men's loos are on the whole a lot less pleasant to be in than women's. So it's not a nice place to linger for longer than you need to.
There's the urinals, so there's no privacy so less opportunity for phone checking or appearance checking.

Maybe there is different culture around womens loos and men's. The old stereotype that women go to the toilet together but men don't.
For women a toilet is also a social space as well as a functional one but for men it's just functional?

I personally think you should try and be quick if there's a queue.
I do think that there should be more loos for women but in some circumstances queues will still occur. When that happens people should try and be a bit quicker.

absolutelynotfabulous · 02/01/2016 11:43

Well, I thought the toilet was a public convenience. I've never considered it a "social space". That's the very last space I'd socialise in, anyway. Hmm

RufusTheReindeer · 02/01/2016 14:07

I live near a market town...i dont remember ever queueing for the public loo as there are masses of them

I dont doubt there can be queues but in over 30 years i have never been in one

Large city nearby, very rarely queue as there are a fair few large loos

Out of town shooping centre, i have never queued (unisex cubicles off a corridor)

Another out of town centre...frequently queue cos there are hardly any cubicles!!

There is a theme there!!!

penguinsarecool12 · 02/01/2016 14:15

Queing is one of my pet hates. I hate the standing in a que and i hate feeling i need to rush myself at the counter for everyone else.

Anotherusername1 · 02/01/2016 14:35

I don't like queuing either and there are times when I see a queue for the loos and decide that I can hold on. I was annoyed one day though when we stopped at a motorway service area, the queue for the ladies was at least 20 minutes long and ds and dh were in and out in a minute or so. So I had to keep holding on as I didn't want to queue for that long. Another time (also motorway service area) I knew I couldn't hold on so had to queue while they were sitting in the cafe.

It is completely wrong, and as said above it's an equality issue both on grounds of sex and disability, and also a public health issue.

It also annoys me when councils charge for parking in the evenings/on bank holidays, but don't bother to open the loos that are in the car parks. I know someone will tell me I am paying to park, but I am paying for the car park facilities, which in my view include the loos. If they can afford a parking attendant, they can afford someone to open and lock the loos.

ExConstance · 02/01/2016 14:37

There are, I understand, urinal designs for women - maybe we should have them here?

penguinsarecool12 · 02/01/2016 14:57

Female urinals will never catch on in my opinion.

ghostspirit · 02/01/2016 15:05

not read the thread. but yeah i have used mens loos couple of times. and as others have said i have no idea why woman take so long. why would you want to stay in a loo any longer than needed..

BeyondCBA · 02/01/2016 15:30

Amazing from this thread - how many people cant spell 'queueing' Grin

KathyBeale · 02/01/2016 16:11

I'm horrified by this thread. In my opinion lack of female toilets is absolutely a feminist issue and another example of society being designed for men with women seen as 'other'. Similar to default air conditioning settings being comfortable for men and too cold for women.

Of course we shouldn't alter our behaviour. Of course we need more toilets than men.

As an aside, is an open cubicle one with no door? How on earth would that make women quicker at peeing? Is it just to punish these apparently silly women who can't be trusted to wee without checking their lippy?

Personally I wouldn't go to an open toilet and I do genuinely have nightmares where I need a wee and I can't go because all the loos have no door!

SirChenjin · 02/01/2016 16:14

That's interesting re air con - there was a thread on here recently, and there were plenty of women who absolutely loved air con and believed that if you were too cold then a cardigan was the answer. I was not one of them....

kickassangel · 02/01/2016 16:14

But those saying that men don't 'faff' as much as women, but

  1. Faffing shouldn't be some kind of crime, it should be possible to use the loos however one wants without fear of sneers or people glaring at one. Whether men do it or not is irrelevant. It isn't a ridiculous or unreasonable thing to do - unless there aren't enough toilets, which is the fault of the building management, not the individuals using the loos.
  2. As is always stated on these threads. There are MANY reasons why women may, on average, take longer than men. A very high number of those aren't faffing, but necessary. We can't always see those reasons, and shouldn't automatically assume that it is a woman being useless/faffing.

Due to the many reasons why women do have a physical need for more cubicles than men do, there should be significantly more women's loos than there are men's. Yet I have never come across anywhere that provides that.

Narp · 02/01/2016 16:18

The 2012 Olympics had an amazing number of toilets for women. It just takes someone who cares to plan for women's needs

Narp · 02/01/2016 16:20

This is also a problem for elderly people, some of whom cite the lack of public loos as a reason they don't go out, or they don't drink enough 9and are therefore prone to urine/kidney infections).

Narp · 02/01/2016 16:21

Whenshewasbad

Women aren't doing their makeup, or 'faffing' in the cubicle.

Maybe we should start pissing all over the floor to make it less pleasant