To be upset....

[Phalenopsisgirl]

Booked a 3D scan for today as thought this would be a lovely thing to do as a family (dh, ds and 2 dss) at Christmas and told older step children about it a few weeks ago. One showed no interest and said at the time he would probably have plans so I let it go there and then but other ( who lives with us full time ) said yes,great, he'd be there. This morning he has clearly forgotten and announces he has a guest coming round, I was not consulted directly but pointed out to dh that guest should be put off until later in the day as a previous commitment has been made but dh decides to take the easy route and just let it go. Left feeling really crushed, dh can't see why I am upset and can't understand that he should be showing his adult sons that if you have committed to something you should see it through, even if you have forgotten once reminded you should stick with first commitment. Note my parents would have loved to have come but I didn't invite as was treating it as a thing for just the 5 of us. AIBU?

i want to tell the story of the billy goats. but i would feel so shit if i got it wrong

If I die, I'm dead regardless of if Ds witnessed it happening. I can't imagine that would be easy for him to cope with either way but we have talked about it.

Not many things leave me speechless . . . .

The mother of Keanu Reeves baby was killed in a car accident. She was driving under the influence of drugs.

Her mother said she had been very depressed since her Daughter was still born.

But go on OP tell us why you would cope so much better?

It does sound as though you're pressuring them into bonding with the baby though.

The two step-sons are old enough to be her Dad and your son will be a teenager before the baby is walking.

Is that what all the intensity is about?

They'll probably bond better if you back off with the family experience pressure, and to be honest if you're going to cry when you don't get your own way, it is pressure.

Why do people want to inflict a scan of little interest on others and make a circus of it.

You your Dh why the need for the show?

Not rtft by the way.

Poor Keanu, two years after their baby died his ex-girlfriend was killed in a car accident.

But hey, according to the OP "death can be approached and coped with without it destroying lives"

You were talking about how you would feel if you lost the baby, OP. I understand. You were not trying to say that anyone else should respond like that. FWIW, not everyone has the option to grieve in that fashion but it's not a bad place to aim for. There's often a fair amount of anger too, mixed in with everything else.

I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea to allow your son to be present at the birth if he chooses. It's threads like these that remind me how conventional the majority of people are. You're right, it might be a beautiful experience. Then again it might not. Do be aware of how quickly a birth can change. We were going to have our three year old present at her baby brother's birth. Towards the end, a new midwife came on and said 'Look, it's peaceful now but everything can change in an instant. There could be screaming and that will be traumatic. It's not something I'd want my little sister in the middle of.' So we changed our plans and are now, after a very scary time during that labour, thankful that we did.

If you're going to make a lot of noise, I think it's hard for children to hear. Your son cannot know how it will affect me now. If he is very sensitive I would be a bit apprehensive and would suggest that someone is in the room for the sole purpose of supporting him and making a decision to take him out if things aren't going according to plan. However, I agree with you that it could be lovely :)

no ! no one was was under any pressure to attend scan until they asked for the damn thing to be booked then I expected them to attend, unless they had a more pressing reason not to than somebody is coming swimming.

You booked it because you thought it would be 'super fun' and because your 11 year old wanted it.

If both dss has said no, your son would have still wanted it. As you say he is super excited about his first 'real/natural' sibling.

You didn't explain what those terms mean.

him now

Bloody hell

Glad I didn't take my dd or family to my scan to see their dead sibling at 18 weeks and a further one at 12.

Firstever . . . you really should. It goes a whole lot more batshit than the OP!

I don't reckon 11 year old boys are even aware of such scans unless they are booked by someone else.

What a pile of crap

Yes, poor Keanu. That's awful

I've also reported. Op their are mothers and fathers here who have lost their children have some respect and dignity. This world isn't just for you.

My DM went through a very traumatic miscarriage at 23 weeks. It wasn't until years later that she realised it had been a huge mistake to bury the baby without allowing us (the children) to hold him. All I can say it, it was a mistake.

Either the stories I've heard about hormones making you batshit insane were gargantuan understatements or I'm hearing the trip trap, trip trap on the wooden planks of the OP's roof.

I'm guessing MNHQ aren't around today, and it's being taken advantage of.

Don't feed the troll.

God I never knew that about Keanu. How awful. expat this must be a hard time of year for you . Sorry for your loss, I hope you're ok.

Hormones don't make you completely fucking stupid. You would have to be like that pre-conception.

I'll go with trip trap ...

Actually I have dealt with a lot of death, although people seem to assume they know everything about me, and I know how I cope and how my parents taught me to cope and therefore how to try and help ( or they could help) my Ds cope in the VERY UNLIKELY event the worse should happen. That was my point. No more, no less. If people feel there was some judgement in what I said about others and their lives I'm sorry, there was no such intention, I was talking about Me. I have a dear friend whose life has been destroyed by the death of her child as she lacks the ability to handle the loss. I would give a limb to be able to help her find joy again, but people are wired differently and it breaks my heart to see her pain. I have always been able to be sad, to grieve and to be glad that that person was in my life and for the time I had with them. This doesn't make me unfeeling, it just means I can see goodness in the darkest of hours.

MN towers office party?

MNHQ appear to be busy, however there's more than one way to skin a cat.

You have NO idea, not one fucking clue how you would cope if your baby died.

How fucking dare you be so dismissive, sitting there like you are so much better than me and many other bereaved parents because you are so much more open minded about death.

Do you really think that you wouldn't be utterly crushed?

How can you be so fucking blasé about something that you have neverbeen through.

The fact you think you know how youwould react goes to show that you know absolutely fuck all.

I seriously hope this is a wind up, nobody can be so cold about the possibility of their own child's death.

Wanna's right. It's better not to engage.

It's amazing how many books and films there are with titles referencing rabbit holes (just browsing Amazon )