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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you know any misogynistic women?

555 replies

ovaryhill · 27/12/2015 09:37

I've been reading a bit about this and wondered how common it is.
Has anyone had any experience of this?
I know at least one woman who behaves as if she hates other women and is very derogatory about women in general, agrees that wearing short skirts means you're asking for trouble kind of thing, sees other women as a threat and would prefer to work for men
Any opinions or experience?

OP posts:
AbbeyBartlet · 27/12/2015 22:11

I think there are different kinds of mysogynist - I generally assume that no man particularly wants to beat OR fuck me! And my opinion certainly isn't based on lack of life experience - I have seen and done plenty, and spent most of my twenties shagging around.

I think like I do due to my experience with women, rather than men. I can honestly say that there are two men that I have met that are cunts, but far more women.

I don't dislike all women, I have some close female friends but mainly online where they can't do any damage!

AbbeyBartlet · 27/12/2015 22:13

MotherofFlagons I was raped when I was a 15 year old virgin - that is one of the men who I could consider to be a total cunt.

MotherofFlagons · 27/12/2015 22:16

Abbey I'm sorry that happened to you. Any man who rapes is a cunt in my books.

MaidOfStars · 27/12/2015 22:20

'I get on better with boys than I do with girls'

Always seemed quite misogynistic to me.

MaidOfStars · 27/12/2015 22:20

(And a very common thing to hear from girls)

MaidOfStars · 27/12/2015 22:23

(Now that I have RTFT, I see this was put forward early on. While pleased to feel validated, I am disappointed that my supposed keen insight is actually rather banal)

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 27/12/2015 22:32

I think it's a coping mechanism, albeit a deeply hidden one, because if you can convince yourself you believe that things should be the way they are, you don't have to get all depressed about it.

AbbeyBartlet · 27/12/2015 22:48

I think it's more basic than that - if enough people of a particular sex behave like cunts to you, it's logical that you extrapolate that to the rest of the population.

I don't condemn all men because of the actions of one. I wouldn't condemn all women for the actions of one either. But it's hard to automatically like and support other women just because they are women, when experience has taught me that the possibility of being shat on is proportionally higher.

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 27/12/2015 22:52

"when experience has taught me that the possibility of being shat on is proportionally higher."

Do you mean the experience of being shat on by women is higher?

AbbeyBartlet · 27/12/2015 22:53

In my life experience, yes.

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 27/12/2015 23:29

Obviously I'm not applying this to your experience but I used to think like that too until I realised that the women who were like that (myself included) were usually like that because they were competing to get the approval of the men around us.

Plus putting women down is easier than putting men down because men have a culturally (and physically) endorsed authority about them.

Just my personal experience.

AbbeyBartlet · 27/12/2015 23:37

Quite possibly- but if a woman chooses to put me down/try to lose me my job/generally act like a cunt, the fact that they may be doing it for those reasons doesn't detract from the fact they are doing it in the first place, iyswim. I don't suppose I will ever know the reasons and I don't really need to.

I know a lot of the 'I get on better with men' people do so because they are attractive but I'm a total munter and I have always been accepted more by guys as a mate than by women. Confused

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 27/12/2015 23:42

Of course it doesn't detract from it. I'm sorry you've had such bad experiences. I hope you find the women on here have been supportive to you.

AbbeyBartlet · 27/12/2015 23:46

Actually they have - the people I would consider my best mates are people I have met from here! Grin

Mmmmcake123 · 28/12/2015 00:33

I agree with a much earlier pp that sometimes women who have made it can be most misogynist.
I have seen this in my life from a woman who beat the men at what they do best but refused to acknowledge Marg Thatch did the same as IMO that wouldn't go down well with the men she could now call equal.
She still made a good role model.
I think when a society is emerging in opinions it's a bit unfair to criticisms trailblazers in how they go about forcing change.

PitPatKitKat · 28/12/2015 01:12

Theydon'tknow agree that a lot of this is about women competing for male approval- that's the way the game is set up. Divide and rule 101.

MistressDeeCee · 28/12/2015 06:56

Hint to the "I get on better with men" brigade (and I used to say the same) - you're making sexist statements just by implying that people have certain qualities/personalities purely by virtue of their sex.

Well said BubsandMoo I think irony is completely lost on some people. Are they really of the mind that all the women they meet are bitchy, and all men are lovely? I don't buy it.

This type of misogyny has been explained shortly and sweetly by a good few posters on here - its all linked to gaining the attention and approval of men. If a woman truly can't find one woman to get on with then the fault lies with her

My mum is very misogynistic about women; the younger and better looking they are the worse it is. She'll criticise women in RL, on the tv etc. Its still about competitiveness and male approval to me though, she's got older and can't stand attractive women. She's jealous of their potential to attract male attention

Having said that perhaps Im guilty of it in some way. Im self-employed now but before then, wouldn't take on a job if it meant having a female boss as I'd always found them to be awful to women, but not men. Had 3 experiences of that so decided to avoid, as didn't want to risk again. Also saw it happen to other female colleagues. I tend to put that in a separate category in my mind, seeing it as solely a workplace "Queen Bee" type of thing. Its just as bad as all other forms of female misogyny however

jorahmormont · 28/12/2015 07:15

On a sheer numbers basis, I do have more male friends than female friends.

When I was younger, I did get on better with boys than with girls, but through no fault of the girls themselves - I was from a progressive family and loved football, video games, playing firemen etc. I moved to a rural backwards area where it was still very much "girls play with dolls and pretend to be housewives in the little house, boys play football and video games" (this is the early 2000s so not decades ago). The reason I didn't get on with these girls wasn't because girls are bitchy/I hate girls/anything like that. It was because they'd been conditioned to think they could only play with certain things, and because I played with 'forbidden' things, I had to be considered one of the boys.

As I grew up my friendships became more even, but when I got to uni a few years ago it all changed again. A huge number of women (and men) at university are misogynistic. Thankfully I have a group of female friends who are feminist, but a much larger group of male friends who consider themselves feminist/feminist allies, all of whom I met at uni. Ironically one of my most feminist friends is transgender - he never tries to tell people what they should think or how they should feel, he just wants to be comfortable with himself, and the transition is part of that process.

BertrandRussell · 28/12/2015 08:00

Also, because men are higher status in society, men are higher status friends to have...........

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 28/12/2015 10:18

Well quite Bertrand. "Male" subjects, sports and hobbies generally carry with them more gravitas.

I had the same experience as you Jorah in that I was a "tomboy" and identified with boys more than girls who were into stereotypical pursuits. But society persistently treated me as female and putting me in that category so over time I came to identify with that. I can remember the feelings of disjointedness and being subtly forced into a hole that didn't fit. I just didn't know the word "socialisation" then.

junebirthdaygirl · 28/12/2015 10:27

As a teacher l work with both sexes and the girls are far more bitchy than the boys at a certain age. We are not treating them any differently. We have male teachers too. But at about 10 a lot of the girls start to get so horrible to each other and teachers are often dealing with very upset girls. It's so predictable. We forget from one year to the next presuming it won't happen as this bunch is so lovely and then here it comes.Some of the girls refuse to be part of that so they are the ones who prefer the boys who l have to say are so much more straightforward around friends. Maybe women decide at that stage to trust men more as friends. Also l have said in the past l get on better with men but l know it's because l got on better with my dad and issues with my mother were triggered by stuff women said to me. I was far more relaxed with men as my dad was so easy.

noeffingidea · 28/12/2015 11:02

I agree a lot of girls and women are bitchy (little girls tend to pick it up from their mothers, IME). Why? It just is so frustrating, there is absolutely no need to behave like that.

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 28/12/2015 11:05

But what does "bitchy" even mean? That they create cliques, exclude people and enjoy humiliating people. Boys are just as good at that as girls, the ones in DS's year certainly are, except when it's boys we don't call it bitchy and excuse it far more.

Take "manipulative" as a character trait for example, one that has been ascribed to women for ages. IM personal E there is nothing more manipulative than a man who wants to get you into bed. I've heard it all, from the "are you saying you don't love me?", "all the other girls are doing this" to accusations of manipulation itself "Why are you playing hard to get?" and "i hate prickteases". Yet somehow we just see this as natural "boys will be boys" behaviour rather than manipulative.

I'm not saying that men are any more or any less manipulative or bitchy than women but that society recognises it differently and excuses male behaviour more.

Plus there's the self fulfilling prophecy. The idea that girls are "divas", "right little madams" etc..which they are called from very young.

derxa · 28/12/2015 11:15

there is nothing more manipulative than a man who wants to get you into bed This is nothing to do with the day to day small petty actions and words which we understand as 'bitchiness'. The eye roll, the petty silences, the snide remarks.

Arfarfanarf · 28/12/2015 11:20

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