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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you know any misogynistic women?

555 replies

ovaryhill · 27/12/2015 09:37

I've been reading a bit about this and wondered how common it is.
Has anyone had any experience of this?
I know at least one woman who behaves as if she hates other women and is very derogatory about women in general, agrees that wearing short skirts means you're asking for trouble kind of thing, sees other women as a threat and would prefer to work for men
Any opinions or experience?

OP posts:
cailindana · 30/12/2015 12:02

That's great Lass.

AbbeyBartlet · 30/12/2015 12:04

Is that the female equivalent of mansplaining?

I have genuinely learned a lot from this thread and I am grateful to those who have engaged - but there is a big difference between explaining/clarifying things and being downright patronising many women don't realise that

cailindana · 30/12/2015 12:04

'Genuine question cailin - when a woman is subject to unwanted attention, whose fault is it?'

The person giving the unwanted attention.

AbbeyBartlet · 30/12/2015 12:06

Bertrand I said at the time that I felt like I was being blamed, you said it wasn't what you meant and that if I read it back I would realise, and I read it back, got very upset and that was it. I accept that it may not have been what you meant but it made me feel like shite.

BertrandRussell · 30/12/2015 12:09

Please will you cut and paste the passage where I blamed you for being raped.

AbbeyBartlet · 30/12/2015 12:10

cailin Just checking - but given you said If you've had a lot of negative interactions with women, it's worth remembering that the common denominator in all of those interactions is you, I just wondered whether you applied the same logic to people who are the subject of unwanted attention?

SirChenjin · 30/12/2015 12:15

My what?? Please enlighten me on my previous posts on sexual assault - I'm intrigued cailin Hmm

AbbeyBartlet · 30/12/2015 12:21

"Going back to the rape issue, is society responsible for him thinking he could do that?"

Up to a point, yes. Society tells men-and women- that rape is about sex, that women say no when they mean yes and that women are often contributors to their own rape.-

You attribute some blame to society as above so he would have felt entitled to do it. So it feels like it was up to me to prevent it.

I'm happy to acknowledge that this wasn't what you meant but that is how I read it.

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 30/12/2015 12:22

Oh please let's not get into a fight because we were having a really good discussion.

I think Cailin was just being defensive because some were saying that they got on better with men than women. I'm sure she didn't mean to blame anyone.

Why don't we shift this debate a little bit to something more constructive?

So, those on this thread who do believe women to be "bitchier" than men, could you elaborate on why they are "bitchier" in your opinion? Are women a) born bitchier for some evolutionary reasons or b) brought up in a certain way that brings out that character trait and if so how?

Because obviously there must be a reason for it and it would be constructive to look at those reasons..

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 30/12/2015 12:25

And ps. no feminist would ever think you were in any way whatsoever responsible for your rape. Ever.

BertrandRussell · 30/12/2015 12:25

And on the strength of that you claim that I said that you are to blame for your rape- one of the worst accusations it is possible to make.

I await your retraction and apology.

AbbeyBartlet · 30/12/2015 12:26

What I'm trying to say is that I chose eventually to blame the person who committed the crime because to think otherwise is to think all men are a threat, and I certainly can't live my life like that. I don't know how useful it is to explain behaviours like his - he got away with it because I dealt with it myself without telling anyone, partly because I felt like it was my fault.

The fact he had bigger 'reasons' why he felt entitled to do it doesn't make it any better.

AbbeyBartlet · 30/12/2015 12:28

I said that was how it made me feel but I apologise and retract what I said.

I was trying to get my head round what you were saying but I was obviously wrong.

BertrandRussell · 30/12/2015 12:30

Sorry, They. I have been accused of being a rape apologist. I can't leave that.

Sallystyle · 30/12/2015 12:30

I don't always agree with Bert but I think it is very unfair to accuse her of saying that being raped was in any way your fault Abbey

I agree with a lot of your posts, but one thing I know for sure is that Bert would never, ever blame a woman for being raped.

You did read her post wrong and I do think that is really unfair and a low thing to accuse her of.

AbbeyBartlet · 30/12/2015 12:31

Bertrand And I have just apologised and retracted what I said.

Sallystyle · 30/12/2015 12:31

Cross posted!

AbbeyBartlet · 30/12/2015 12:32

U2 Again, I have just apologised and retracted what I said...

Again, I'm sorry, I was wrong.

Sallystyle · 30/12/2015 12:35

Yep, I posted before I read your reply :)

AbbeyBartlet · 30/12/2015 12:42

Bertrand I am going to ask for all of my posts to deleted as I can't do anything else except apologise.

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 12:46

Abbey, don't do that. It's easy enough to misinterpret someone and you have apologised.

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 30/12/2015 12:48

Of course it doesn't make it any better Abbey but it does offer some hope in that if we can change society to see rape as unacceptable in any circumstances then we can reduce the likelihood of it happening.

Look at other societies where rape is accepted as a legitimate form of war, of punishment or just as something that men can't help and that women must simply protect themselves against. Look at South Africa where rape is shockingly high.

What we're saying is that if we can change societal ideas about rape, consent and a woman's character then we can change the acceptability of it and hopefully reduce its prevalence.

Even in my lifetime ideas have changed. I remember the idea that when a woman says no she means yes. I think there was even a judge who let a rapist off using that line of reasoning. Now there is a lot of work in schools and on TV about the importance of active consent and that's a good thing because it is changing our mentality for the better.

AbbeyBartlet · 30/12/2015 12:50

I have done it now - I was out of order and accused someone of one of the worst things.

I can't help how I interpreted it but of course I was mistaken.

RufusTheReindeer · 30/12/2015 12:50

they

I dont think women are bitchier or gossipier....(thats not a word)

I think its just called different things when men do it..banter or networking

BertrandRussell · 30/12/2015 12:50

Apology accepted. Do not ask for your posts to be removed- it would render chunks of the thread I comprehensible.