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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you know any misogynistic women?

555 replies

ovaryhill · 27/12/2015 09:37

I've been reading a bit about this and wondered how common it is.
Has anyone had any experience of this?
I know at least one woman who behaves as if she hates other women and is very derogatory about women in general, agrees that wearing short skirts means you're asking for trouble kind of thing, sees other women as a threat and would prefer to work for men
Any opinions or experience?

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 10:28

Good posts Abbey. I'm nodding along with a lot of what you are saying.

I agree with this:

"So when I have been treated badly by other women, I blame them as I believe that they are responsible for their actions"

and think it is important that people are held accountable for their individual choices and actions and that their behaviour isn't excused away because 'society' has made them like that.

cailindana · 30/12/2015 10:47

There is a difference between explaining away behaviour and understanding it, but some people find that hard to grasp. If you do genuinely wonder why you struggle to be friends with women there is absolutely no point in saying 'they're bitches' - what does that achieve? All that suggests is that women aren't worth knowing and so there's no point in even trying.

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 11:01

some women are 'bitches' and aren't worth knowing. I'm not going to excuse and forgive every woman's behaviour just because she happens to be a woman. Some people just aren't nice and I'm not going to waste time trying to be friends with them.

cailindana · 30/12/2015 11:03

Of course bumbley, some people are horrible. But assuming that all women are the same makes no sense.

Collared · 30/12/2015 11:04

My mum has massive issues with other women. She actively discouraged any female friendships I had as a teenager and would credit any boyfriend I had at the time with any change I made in my life. She would constantly complain about "silly" women at my dads work (who she never met btw) and is always criticising women on the tv for what they wear, how they speak etc. She's incredibly toxic and can't even cope with me getting on with my sister in law. She will literally sit inbetween us when we're having a conversation and start her own. It's exhausting.

I'm generally very suspicious of any woman who says they don't get along with other women but can't understand why.

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 11:07

Is anyone assuming that all women are Caillin?

cailindana · 30/12/2015 11:11

Yes, the people who say 'I don't get on with women' are assuming at the very least that the majority of women are hard to get on with.

If you've had a lot of negative interactions with women, it's worth remembering that the common denominator in all of those interactions is you. All the women were different.

bumbleymummy · 30/12/2015 11:21

Yes, and I'm a woman too. Perhaps some women don't like me because I don't like gossiping, bitching and back stabbing other school mums? Fair enough. I haven't said I have problems with all women. I have some lovely female friends. It just happens that most of my friends are male.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 30/12/2015 11:25

That's before you start to consider the many millions of 'minor' sexual assaults men engage in every single day, that every woman has experienced at some point in her life.

Every woman ? I haven't. And please do not twist this comment to try to suggest I am denying others have.

cailindana · 30/12/2015 11:26

You've never ever been touched by a man in a way that you didn't want Lass?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 30/12/2015 11:29

No. I haven't.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 30/12/2015 11:32

Cailandana Why the follow up question - does "we believe you" not apply if it doesn't suit you?

AbbeyBartlet · 30/12/2015 11:37

I haven't said that all women are bitches either - just that I don't relate to them and they don't often relate to me. I have some great female friends but I find women in general more difficult to deal with.

If you've had a lot of negative interactions with women, it's worth remembering that the common denominator in all of those interactions is you.

Yup - it's all my fault, obviously. I shouldn't have let bosses try to sack me, throw files at me etc.

Yet again I'm going to ask - what good does explaining behaviour do? And are people responsible for themselves or not?

So far in this thread I feel like I have been blamed for being raped and for struggling in my interactions with women. Most posters have been very interesting but can nobody see the irony that some people have just jumped in and had a dig on a thread about women not getting on?

On other threads you get discussions about rape victims being attacked because the perpetrator is a rapist, and that blaming themselves is wrong. Yet on this one, I find that men rape because society lets them get away with it - so presumably it is up to the potential victims to protect themselves?

SirChenjin · 30/12/2015 11:38

Shouldn't the 'many millions of 'minor' sexual assaults men engage in every single day' contain the word 'some' between 'assaults' and 'men'?

AbbeyBartlet · 30/12/2015 11:42

Way back in the day, I have had men touch me in ways that would probably cause some to throw their hands up in the air in horror but I didn't feel threatened or uncomfortable.

However I have been told that I'm unreasonable for not letting people hug me when I'm upset or saying hello/goodbye. It makes me feel physically sick when they hug me but apparently I should just accept it.

Again, most of the tactile people I know are women.

AbbeyBartlet · 30/12/2015 11:45

SirChenjin No don't be silly - it's okay to blame all men for sexual assaults (thus lumping the innocent ones with the guilty - fuck it, they are only men) but it's not the fault of individual men for assaulting women because that's society's fault.

Hmm
LassWiTheDelicateAir · 30/12/2015 11:48

So far in this thread I feel like I have been blamed for being raped

If anything I said makes you feel that way, then I am an idiot. It was absolutely not your fault.

AbbeyBartlet · 30/12/2015 11:52

Lass No it wasn't you - you have made a lot of sense and been incredibly helpful!

I feel like I was blamed much earlier on the thread - it was suggested that I misunderstood what was said but it's how it feels.

cailindana · 30/12/2015 11:53

No Lass, many women don't realise that an unwanted pinch on the bum or a flasher 'counts' as a sexual assault so I was clarifying. I am very happy for you that you've never been assaulted, you are the one and only woman I know of that hasn't.

misshornblowerwouldbuyit · 30/12/2015 11:56

this thread is like a couple of brick walls talking to themselves

SirChenjin · 30/12/2015 11:56

'Many women' don't realise that? Really? What's your figure for 'many' there cailindana?

AbbeyBartlet · 30/12/2015 11:58

Genuine question cailin - when a woman is subject to unwanted attention, whose fault is it?

And re your comment to Lass - I have only been the subject of unwanted sexual attention once in my life

No Lass, many women don't realise that an unwanted pinch on the bum or a flasher 'counts' as a sexual assault so I was clarifying.

I don't know if it was intentional but that sounds rather patronising.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 30/12/2015 12:00

Nicely patronising reply Cailindana

As this is something which gets said often on FWR I discussed this recently with my 2 closest female friends of over 30 years standing. Neither of them had either.

BertrandRussell · 30/12/2015 12:01

" feel like I was blamed much earlier on the thread - it was suggested that I misunderstood what was said but it's how it feels."

If that is directed at me -and I am pretty sure it is- it is hugely unfair and I take great exception to it. I said nothing of the sort.

cailindana · 30/12/2015 12:02

Sir I refuse to engage with someone like you. Bear in mind I have read your previous posts on sexual assault.