To wish I'd got more Christmas presents?

[ArcticCactus]

There was an unpleasant moment Xmas morning where I was happily doling out the gifts from under the tree and enjoying watching people open them.

"Oh you open one" said dh.
..."um, there aren't any for me" I said.
Awkward silence.

But there weren't. Dh got me one small thing he'd made me point at in a panic on the 23rd. No card.
Neither sibling got me anything.
The in law side didn't get me anything
Ds gets a pass because he's tiny, but aibu to feel really sad about this? We can afford it, and no one seems to have thought of me. I'm not expecting diamonds. I spent considerable time an effort getting people thoughtful gifts and posting them. I'd dropped hints about things I'd like. Mine expensive, or hard to find (new photo album, address book sort of thing.)

I'm an expat, I don't really have any friends in my new country and no one from the uk has bothered to keep in touch. No cards, no FB messages, nowt.

I feel invisible, unloved and upset. I know Xmas is about more than gifts by I feel the effort has been all one sided. Am I being precious or would this upset you ?

So your first Xmas as a mummy and dh didn't get anything from your son to give to you ?

That's also as bad as dh not getting you anything :(

You sound lovely OP...really lovely.

I think you are right. In future, you will have to be clear with your DH about your needs. Of course, ideally you wouldn't have to spell it out but I've learned over the years that this is often required to get anywhere.

I hope your DH does something lovely over the next few days / weeks to make it up to you because that's what is needed....some action.

There isn't much you can do about your in-laws...although I would let your DH get their gifts and cards in the future rather than going to the effort myself.

I am sorry this has happened to you...I hope you are having a better day today.

You matter. You deserve to be remembered at Christmas, I am saddened that you weren't given a gift by family or spoiled more by your dh. This may be a kick up the but for your dh, to do more next time.

I'm sorry you had to feel unloved yesterday. It's not the gift is it really? It's what it means. I'm sure if your dh had made something tacky and naf with your dc you would have adored it. It really is the thought that counts.

OP, I'm sorry this has happened to you, it's really :(
I would actually say don't buy yourself anything in the sales. That would go down in family history as "well, she got something in the end didn't she? And it was something she liked, too.". I would make sure this is remembered as you being left "giftless". What happened is truly unacceptable, both from your DH and your PILs.

arctic I think you may be right about needing to be a bit louder about stating your needs. It sounds as if you are used to taking a backseat and not making a fuss.
You deserve nice things and presents as much as the other adults in the family. You should all be equal, no one is more important or deserving than the other.

That's terrible, you bought presents for those people and, knowing you would be together for Xmas, they bought nothing for you! Why would they buy loads for DH and nothing for you? Your DH needs a kick up the arse, totally selfish. YANBU to be disappointed about the lack of thought. X

I would be livid if my OH didn't get me a present. I mean FFS WTF is he playing at. Well to make sure it NEVER happens again you should make a point of dragging him out to the shops so that he can buy you a present of your choice whilst leaving DC with the inlaws and making sure they know why so that they then get the hint. What the hell is wrong with people? Even a £5 smellies set would be something.

Upset? I would have: literally cried on the spot and then walked off telling them they could go fuck themselves next year

Next year give DH your birthday gift wish list. Let him organise his family gifts. You organise your family gifts or alternatively send a card to your family and spend the gift money on yourself instead

They all need a kick up the backside, in laws included. Bloody rude and thoughtless to give to everybody else, except op!

If it wasn't for the fact that my brother got me a present and dd also Id have been in the same position. Dh got me nothing. I got him 4 different presents.

It is upsetting. I try not to take it personally. He rang his mum up this evening and asked her what she wants for xmas!!! On bloody Boxing Day!!

Next year im not getting him a bloody thing.

Artic, happy Christmas to you!

Use the amount of money you spent on others this year next year to book yourself in for some self care- Pilates class- horse riding - swimming lesson- assertiveness training. Learn a language.