To get a lemon for SIL to suck?

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

SIL, who has never concealed her contempt for DW, is attending the Christmas bash at our house under sufferance. MIL, BIL, and the charming nieces have jointly instructed her (her words) that she is to turn up cheerful, hold her tongue, and not drag everyone away early. Oh joy. My conscience tells me I should be a good host, the Devil is tempting me to tease her. Help me resist my black and twisted humour. /rant.

Oh go on, tease her a bit. It's Christmas after all.

Do it! Do it!

In no particular order, comments I must resist:
"Wasn't your uni a poly?"
"I always envied your childhood simplicity. The thatched cottage, the outside loo, the tin bath".
"The grapes are really quite sweet this year."
And the old standby: "Time I thrashed you at Trivial Pursuit again."

"Wasn't your uni a poly?"
"I always envied your childhood simplicity. The thatched cottage, the outside loo, the tin bath".
"The grapes are really quite sweet this year."
And the old standby: "Time I thrashed you at Trivial Pursuit again."

How old are you?

Sounds like you really look down on her, I feel a bit sorry for her!

My Uni was a Poly >>>> slinks away thataway

Judging by your come backs I suspect your Sil is my cousin

Gee I wonder why she doesn't like coming up over (kappa as my DC would say)

Coming over

"The grapes are really quite sweet this year."

I don't get that one. Where's the insult?

if your uni was a poly, well lok on the bright side, it wasn't a colledge of higher education...

I was reading the dailymail earlier, I read about this windup, Brussels sprouts rolled in chocolate and wrapped up carefully like fprrero rochers so she unwraps and bites into and yuck.

Good idea? Might make you laugh a bit without seeming too mean.

Ps- what is the poly university joke? And the grapes one? Pls explain, slightly slow and wet behind the ears.

Are you 12 OP?

So... Is your sil your dw sister? Or something farflunger? Or your brothers wife? English relations names are deeply unspecific. Norwegian are good, Swedish so brilliant.

Half(ish) of all universities used to be polytechnics. Polys were seen to be a bit crap as they were heavily focused on the technical (hence the name) as opposed to universities, which were seen as academic (and therefore better, which isnt true.)

The stigma was that you would apply to a number of unis, but get offered polys. Thereby creating the view that you were a bit rubbish if you couldn't get into a uni. So they made all the polys into unis. (University of the West of England = Bristol Poly)

The grapes thing is a common saying about being jealous. Work it out

I wouldn't want to spend time with someone who takes such a snobbish and bitchy attitude with regards to where I studied; your SIL deserves a medal for even contemplating it

Going to university, any university, doesn't make you superior you know. It doesn't mean you are more intelligent than someone that hasn't, it just means you had a life experience they didn't. That's all. Lots of people who are perfectly capable of going to university decide not to or cannot go for many, many reasons.

Whoever said that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit clearly never met you, OP.

I still don't understand the grapes thing.

And in defence of the OP, I presume the SIL has a chip on her shoulder about her uni, hence him mentioning it - to wind her up. It may not mean he actually believed there's anything wrong with them or that he's superior, he's just coming up with remarks that he knows will wind her up.

Bit like my brother always commenting that I must be rich coz I'm an accountant, even though he earns more than me and has a defined benefit pension scheme etc etc no not bitter at all am I, hmm pretty obvious why he keeps doing it to me given I bite every time!!

SORRY! Posted wrong place

Why can people not take a joke without there being a massive back story included

It's really clear that SIL is the problem. Refuses to like the OP's, makes barbed comments, looks down her nose, tries to get away from her.

The OP's just wanting a wee bit fun at the cow-bags expense as she's been told to behave.

You might need a few more comments OP, perhaps around some new hobbies you're taking up in the new year/some fabulous thing you've achieved she'd find hard not to be snippy about.

Full of Perfect Percys this place, isn't it?

It's possible that the SIL is a subject snob - I know several, of the "Oh, your degree wasn't a STEM subject? Mickey Mouse course then" variety. In which case pointing out that her uni was a poly would be perfect for knocking the wind out of her sails, because people like that get oddly wound up about their institution's history.

Err I don't think you have to be a "perfect percy" to recognise that it's massively hypocritical to accuse someone of having "contempt" for others, and then planning to say stuff to them that demonstrates that you have complete contempt for them. Fair enough if you don't like someone. But it doesn't relieve you of the general obligation of being a decent fucking human being.

Laurie and jorah said it before I could.

MN is really hard work these days.